Ready To Take The Plunge
by igetcoldinsummer
Summary: "Kate inched a little bit closer, pressing a thigh against his, wanting more, wanting it all; she couldn't quite believe how good this felt, to finally let go of all her fears." Post Always story. Picks up the morning after. Includes Part 2: I'm Not Doing This Again. And Part 3: This Is The Last Of It.
1. Chapter 1

'_Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes_.'

Kate slowly became aware that she was awake, and more importantly, that she was singing eighties love songs in her head. She gave a silent groan. Pathetic. But the warmth that bubbled up inside her, catalysed by memories, erupted in a smile on her lips and she shifted out a foot and a hand, searching... There he was. Still right there behind her. She turned over, barely cracking her eyes open to see; the ache of her muscles stopped her from getting too cocky. She moved softly. Sunlight was coming in from the windows over their heads; the blinds were still wide open. The storm had obviously finished sometime in the night.

Kate slid heavily across the sheets to where Rick was lying, her ribs protesting a little. She lifted his arm and slipped beneath it so she was against his chest. Solid and warm. She hadn't realised how broad his shoulders were. Or how toned his muscles, how soft his skin, how much she liked his body. She had always figured he was soft around the middle. And yeah maybe he was getting a little... maybe he was letting himself go a little or middle age was catching up on him or whatever. But his waist was trim, his pecks defined, his hip flexors deliciously enticing...

Kate opened her eyes again, studying Rick's face, slack and peaceful with sleep. There was a red mark along his jaw where she must have caught him with a fingernail. Or he had struck himself. And then Kate _really_ was thinking about last night and the smile on her lips was back in a hundred watt force. She reached up an arm, resting it against his collarbone as she smoothed fingers through the hair at his temple. Starting to lose the colour there. And the lines at his eyes were still visible even though he wasn't smiling or frowning. Kate traced fingers down his cheek, the tips over his jaw. She went back to his hair, curling digits around his skull to his neck. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his cheek bone. She peppered more kisses, slowly, down to the corner of his mouth, the soft lips, his jaw, up to his eyebrow, the edge of his eye socket. All the while her fingers moved.

Kate inched a little bit closer, pressing a thigh against his, wanting more, wanting it all; she couldn't quite believe how good this felt, to finally let go of all her fears. Rick gave a little sigh and Kate could see the flutter of his eyes beneath his lids. His mouth closed, the lips pursed, Kate pressed another kiss against them. They pressed back and then his hand shifted to her waist, clung on. "Good morning," Kate tried. She wanted him to wake up. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted him to kiss her.

"Mmmm," Rick responded. His eyes came open in a squint. Then he suddenly moved into her, crushing her beneath the weight of his naked body. "You're here."

"Yes," she winced, her diaphragm struggling to inflate despite the pressure against her chest.

Rick eased off a little, pressing his mouth against her neck. "I half wondered if last night was a dream." A slight pause. "Best dream ever but..."

"Not a dream," Kate interrupted.

Rick pressed a kiss against her throat and another beneath her jaw. Then he met her mouth and Kate's stomach lurched towards him; her toes tingled. It was not in the league of some of their kisses last night, but it was sweet enough for her to come alive. When he broke away a little she followed him, working her lips against his. He gave a kind of whispered groan in the back of his throat. He moved away a little bit further, giving them both a chance for air, and Kate looked up at him, into deep and intense blue eyes. He stared a moment. "Wow you look good."

Kate broke into a smile. She couldn't have helped it even if his comment hadn't caught her off guard. "I'm sure I look a mess."

Rick shook his head. "Nope. You look hot. You always look hot." He sighed lightly as if it were a chore.

Kate reached up a hand to comb through the hair that fell against his forehead. Nope she was pretty sure she looked a mess. Her hair had been ruined by the rain last night and then of course there was all the, uh, vigorous activities of the night before. She probably had a frightful case of bed hair, whereas Rick just looked adorable. "You look pretty damn hot yourself," Kate told him.

Rick smiled. A beautiful genuine smile that made Kate's lungs feel so light that her lips curled up in response. Kate reached up to kiss him. "Sexy," she added and just thinking about it made her want him again. He kissed her back and his hands pulled the sheet away from her easily.

**1**

"Oh god," Rick groaned and turned onto his back, pulling her against his chest like she was a rag doll. She was feeling a bit like one at the moment anyway, so the analogy seemed to fit. Rick made her feel so thoroughly. Not one thing in particular, just everything, all at once. Aside from the fact that he was fantastic in bed, there were other things, swirling feelings she couldn't quite name yet, and other basic things like happiness (no, really, this is what happiness felt like). And she was excited. Not just in the dirty way. She felt like a little girl at Christmas or going to a Yankees game or... She felt like there was absolutely nothing wrong with the world. She wasn't even thinking about all those things that happened yesterday (aside from the fact that her body ached in not good ways). She was thinking about Rick and his eyes (had she really not noticed how sexily intense they could be?) and the way she felt so small against him (not in a bad way). There was this incredibly attractive masculinity to him and yet she also knew he would probably be the first to break down in tears during a soppy movie. And she _loved_ that.

Kate reached up an arm and draped it across his chest, shifting up so she was closer to his ear and buried her nose into the side of his head. He smelt amazing too. Why had she talked herself out of this too many times?

"Coffee," Rick spluttered. "I so need coffee."

Kate gave a chuckle but when he pulled away from her again and sat up. She didn't complain he was leaving. She wanted to cling onto his back like a monster so he would never escape her again, but sensibility shut that down. Instead she admired the way his shoulder blades moved beneath his muscles as he combed a hand through his hair and then down over his face. As he planted his feet on the carpet, Kate grabbed at the sheet he was threatening to take with him. She pulled it up to her chin, watching as he crossed to his dresser and found silken boxers, black, with bright red chilli peppers adorning. Of course. He found a t-shirt next and pulled it over his head as he headed for the door. Without looking back he asked if she wanted breakfast.

Kate felt a pang and then, _'Every now and then I get a little bit terrified.'_ She told herself to shut up, stretched, winced as her muscles and bones complained again and edged towards the side of the bed. She had taken a beating yesterday. Even if Rick was yet to notice the bruises it would only be a matter of time until he did. They had to talk. She had things she had to tell him. And there were things he obviously was going to ask eventually; there was very little Rick missed. Not just the bruises either. But that aspect of raining on their weekend was hard to reconcile with the one that just wanted to drape all over him, to get as close as she possibly could, the part of her that ached a little with the absence of him. Her clothes were strewn on the floor. They had been saturated when she had shown up here. She didn't relish the thought of putting them back on. She went to Rick's dresser and opened up the second drawer down. She found t-shirts, so put one on and checked to make sure it suitably covered enough of her. Then she headed for the door.

**1**

Rick shuffled through the silent loft, smiling to himself, thinking about Kate naked in his bed, grateful both his mother and daughter had decided to bug out for the evening. Things with Kate might have gone very differently if they had not been alone and, well, he was entirely happy with how last night had actually gone. Of course, the look in her eye this morning had him pausing for thought and then, actually, now that he thought about it, there was a lot they had to discuss. Things had changed with them and she had said she was sorry, said that she wanted him, said quite a few other things while they were in the middle of it... But there was more to it. Rick really needed to know where he stood. He had made a point yesterday by not following her and she had said she almost died. His heart took an awkward stumble. She had almost died. He really needed to know that story. Because she wasn't dead. So something must have happened. And the guy got away. So where did that leave them with the investigation now?

Rick went to the coffee maker. This was a little... manipulative, maybe, but he was going to wait for Kate to take the lead on this one. Honestly, she kind of owed him and really, he didn't want to always be the one to push an issue, to force them to be communicating. He knew Kate had things going on. She had admitted she was seeing a counsellor but still, there was giving someone a bit of leeway and then there was being a doormat. And Rick had been a doormat for women far too often. And if she didn't volunteer the information... Well then it didn't bode well.

When Rick turned to the fridge he saw Kate heading towards him in his superman t-shirt, which was of course far too big for her, but holy kryptonite he almost dropped the milk in his hand. He stared, jaw dropped open; god she was so sexy. She gave him a confident smile, strutted right up to him in bare feet (wow he forgot how short she really was compared to him when she wasn't wearing several inches of shoes), reached up on tip toes and planted a kiss right on his open mouth. "How's that coffee coming along?"

"Uh," Rick tried. Thoughts started to filter back in. Coffee. Milk. Hands. Kate. Legs. She stepped back and perched against the edge of the bench in front of the sink. Kate approached again, an amused expression on her beautiful face. She pushed him gently aside and opened the fridge.

"You get caffeine and I'll think about breakfast," she instructed.

Rick put the milk on the bench and was at her back immediately. He pressed kisses against the side of her neck and she shivered beneath him, turning, letting the fridge door ease closed behind her. Rick sought out her mouth, putting his arms around her and she did the same; he went for her waist, she his neck. She reached up and he lifted her easily (she really was rather small), backing her into the fridge, sliding his hands up the back of her thighs. He pulled away from her mouth, closing his eyes and groaning, "Oh god you're not wearing underwear."

"My clothes are kind of dirty," Kate breathed against his chin.

When Rick opened his eyes again she was looking up at him, her hazel eyes gone dark and intense. So sexy. He groaned again. "If I was younger I'd do you right here against the appliances."

Kate gave a laugh and dropped her legs. Rick had to let her go. "Then you can owe me one," she told him, pushing her hands against his chest, making him step backwards. Rick went back to the coffee. Kate obviously raided the fridge. She helped herself to a couple of skillets and fired up the gas. By the time Rick placed a steaming cup next to her she had bacon frying, bread toasting and eggs about to enter a hot pan. She was already entirely too comfortable in his kitchen and he totally loved it. He _loved_ it.

She was here. She was really here. Standing in his kitchen making him breakfast in nothing but his now favourite superman t-shirt. They sat at the breakfast bar and drank coffee and ate their breakfast. Rick asked her if she had to go into the precinct and she shook her head 'no' while she sipped her coffee. She took his hand then and didn't let it go, feeding herself left-handed, like she had done it a million times before.

Oh god it felt amazing that she was there.

**1**

"I need a shower," Kate told him.

He raised an eyebrow slightly, "I have a bath."

"Sold."

He hoped she would. "Leave the dishes," he said as she hopped from the bar stool to her feet again. "You cooked," he added by way of explanation.

Kate gave him a smile and reached up to kiss him quickly. "I like that rule." She moved away again.

"There are towels," he called after her.

"I'll find them," she shot over her shoulder.

Rick watched her go, watched her walk all the way across the room back to his study and then disappear around the door before he stacked their plates and took them to the sink. That was when he heard keys in the door. His heart thundered suddenly from the surprise and his eyes darted to the study door. It was still empty as Alexis came in the front. She gave him a smile, appraised what he was wearing and teased, "Hey Dad, did you just get up?"

Castle gave her a smarmy smirk as she crossed closer to the kitchen and wondered what the time was. He could have easily slept on if it weren't for Kate. Mmm, Kate. "What are you doing back?"

"A bunch of us are going to have one last slumber party so I came to repack different clothes," she reached the breakfast bar and leaned on it. "Then I'm going to head out again until tomorrow." Her eyes darted down to two plates, two sets of cutlery, two coffee cups. She looked back up at him. "Uh. Were you not alone this morning?" She gave him a mildly confused expression, mostly disbelieving, certainly teasing.

Rick's eyes once again went to the study door. Still empty. Phew. "Actually no," he focussed on his daughter again. Her blue eyes went a little wider, expectant. "Kate stayed over."

Alexis' mouth actually dropped open. "What do you mean stayed over? Stayed over, stayed over? Or slept on the couch stayed over?" She looked to the mentioned furniture but of course there wasn't a bed there, or Kate for that matter, and so Alexis looked back up at Rick and she knew.

"She stayed over, stayed over," Rick said anyway.

"Wow Dad," Alexis started.

"Should I have warned you before you got here?" He gave a little wince. "I was never sure how much you wanted..."

"I don't want to know," Alexis raised a hand to stop him. "The gory details," she added. "But I mean, I definitely want to know this. Is Kate still here?" She lowered her voice.

"Yes," Rick stage whispered. "She's having a bath."

"Ok," Alexis kept her tone one notch above a whisper. "And so you guys are...? Together now?"

"I think so," Rick continued to whisper.

"You think so?"

"Well it just kind of happened last night," Rick told her in a normal tone. "So we haven't had the 'talk' about what it all means yet but..."

"But you guys are totally together," Alexis finished and she was back to that mild processing disbelief. "Wow." She looked up at him again and managed a smile. "That's great."

"I know you're not thrilled," Rick tried.

"I never said I'm not thrilled," Alexis was offended. "I like Kate just fine."

Rick frowned. "You said..."

"What I objected to was you putting yourself in danger and getting yourself killed," she lowered her voice again.

"Right," Rick agreed. "But that's all over now."

"Really?" More surprise.

"Yeah," Rick nodded. "I promise. It's over."

Alexis studied him for a moment but he didn't elaborate and she didn't push. Perhaps she knew he couldn't or wouldn't explain. Perhaps she was just wary of the answer. "I told Kate I'm not getting involved in her mother's case anymore," Rick added. He wanted her to know, to understand, the gravity. "It's too dangerous now."

"It was dangerous back then."

"I know," Rick cut her off. "I know."

Alexis gave a slight nod. "Well then," her face broke into a smile. "This is great Dad. I'm happy for you."

Rick beamed. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Kate is totally good for you."

"I'd like to think maybe I'm good for her too."

"Don't count on it," Alexis told him with a good-natured eye roll. "I have to get going. My ride is waiting for me downstairs."

Rick leaned forward so she could place a quick kiss on his cheek. Then she started to walk away. "Have a good time pumpkin."

"Thanks Dad. I'll let myself out," she gave him a knowing smirk as she turned away. Then she spun back quickly at the foot of the stairs. "Oh so how soon until I get a new step-Mommy?"

Rick attempted to toss a towel at her but she was far too far away. The towel hit the dining table and Alexis scampered completely unscathed up the stairs to her room. Married again. Uh... Thanks for that Alexis. Rick stacked the dishwasher and cleaned down the bench while he waited for Alexis to leave again. She rushed past about five minutes later, on the phone, giving him a frantic wave from the door and she disappeared through it again. Then he went to find Kate.

**1**

"_It was dangerous back then."_

Kate stepped back from the shadow of the study door. Alexis was right. It had been dangerous back then, a year ago, when Kate had been shot, and it was dangerous as of yesterday, when Kate had almost fallen to her death. She was the one being targeted and yet she and Alexis both had a real fear that somehow that bullet at Montgomery's funeral could have struck Rick, that Rick could have been the one hanging from a building, dangling over his death. As Kate retreated to his en suite bathroom, a sickening dread pooled in her stomach. Yes, Alexis was right, it had been dangerous, too dangerous, and yes it was Kate that had put him in that position, but she was also the one to stop it now and she had every intention of doing that. All of it. It was over. She wouldn't be there if it wasn't. She couldn't do that to him.

Something else unsettled Kate though. The way Alexis had reacted. Not bouncing out of her skin with happiness... No, she was almost weary. Realistically, Kate hadn't expected a welcoming committee. Life was more complicated than that. But maybe even a little indication that Alexis was pleased that Kate was now with her father? That would have been nice. Reassuring. She wasn't stupid enough to think that she could just have Rick to herself; he came as a package, even if Alexis was headed for college. So it did matter what Alexis thought. Would that make Rick re-think things?

Kate reached over the bath to put in the plug, her ribs protested. She found something like expensive bubble bath and turned the taps, adding some of the product to the water. As Kate straightened up again she winced. Wow her ribs were really starting to kill. She put the product on the vanity and lifted the superman shirt to take a look. Mottled reds and purples in big sweeping patterns around her ribs, down her spin, a boot shaped bruise on her hip. Oh wow. She shouldn't be surprised. The gasp behind her had her turning pretty quickly, the shirt falling back into place.

Rick stood in the doorway watching her, his face shocked, his mouth aghast. "Kate," he struggled out and crossed to her, reaching out with his hands for her hips. Kate grabbed his wrists to stop him from touching, from looking. "What happened? What happened to you?"

"I told you... I... got hurt."

"You said you almost died. Is this it? Someone did this to you?"

The shock and hurt and anger in his eyes was painful to see. "The guy," Kate started. "The guy who got away." And she told him about the hotel room and following the lead with Esposito. How their suspect got the drop on the both of them and she'd chased him up to the roof. They fought. He basically handed her ass to her like it was nothing. She'd been tossed to the edge of the roof. She had clung on for dear life. How she thought about letting go. How she thought she'd heard him calling to her, how she had held on for him.

Kate reached up to cradle Rick's stricken face. "But I'm ok. I'm still here. Ryan was there and he saved me. I wanted it to be you but I understood then that you couldn't do it anymore. See me get hurt and kill myself over this. I... I knew I had to stop. I didn't want to lose you," she pressed a kiss against his mouth. "I got it then Rick. I get it."

He kissed her in return, reverently at first, like she was breakable but then he gained a desperate edge and forced her back into the edge of the vanity. He took her right there at the sink and once again she found herself clinging on tightly for him.


	2. Chapter 2

Rick picked her up easily and took her back to the bedroom. He laid her gently on the mattress and scooped up behind her, adjusting the sheet over her body, then settling a hand firmly over her stomach and pressing a kiss on her bare shoulder. Kate gave a content hum, the tingling still in her limbs and grinned down into the pillow. She could so get used to this, to him; oh god he was incredible.

"I love you Kate," Rick murmured at the back of her neck.

A shock of electricity ran down Kate's spine. She turned over within his arms quickly; he looked a little surprised. She pushed up, so she could see his face, so he could see hers unencumbered. She opened her mouth and focused on his eyes. But she gawped. The words wouldn't come out. She wanted to say it too. She wanted to say it back. But she couldn't make the words come out. She floundered.

"It's ok," Rick told her softly, his face compassionate. "You don't have to say it if you're not ready to."

"I want to," Kate managed.

"It's enough that you're here, considering. You don't have to..."

"But I do!"

Rick looked surprised at that too. "I do," Kate repeated firmly. Of that she was sure. But when she tried again to say three simple words her throat would not cooperate. It clammed up. She gave a frustrated sigh and pushed her head against his shoulder so she could hide her face. Rick dropped his back to the mattress and she went with him, draped over his broad chest.

"No pressure Kate," he spoke.

She lifted her head again and met his eye, leaning a hand on his chest; to keep him or her steady, it didn't matter. "It's not right. I should be able to say it."

"Maybe you're not ready?" His mouth gave a shrug.

A glimmer of doubt. "Maybe," she admitted, her gaze drifting absently to the pillow beneath his head. But at least he hadn't suggested that she didn't love him.

A hand stroked at her bare shoulder, then down her spine to her waist and her eyes were drawn to his. "I've been here a long time. Ready. Maybe you just need a little longer to get to the same place too." His eyes were so hopeful.

Kate nodded and pushed up to kiss him. The hand at her waist tightened. She wasn't sure if that was to steady her or him. When she broke away she held his eye intensely. "It's not because I don't ok? I do. I just... I need you to know that."

Rick nodded obediently. Kate kissed him again then dropped her head with a groan. "I'm so screwed up."

"You're not screwed up," Rick immediately countered.

"I am," Kate spoke to his sternum. "I am," she raised her head again. "But I'm working on it." She felt the need to convince him.

Rick's hand was in her hair, brushing it back from her face. "I don't think you're screwed up."

Kate gave him a slightly unimpressed expression.

"No more than me," he gave her an innocent response and she laughed. He immediately broke into a grin. "I've waited Kate," he told her, serious again. "I can wait."

"I don't want you to wait," she almost whined. "You've waited long enough."

Rick gave her salacious grin. "It was _so_ worth the wait." Kate gave him a bashful smile and when he chuckled she admitted another light laugh. The bubbling warmth threatened to explode out of her chest. She kissed him again, warm and soothing; couldn't get enough kisses. "Can I ask you something?" Rick went on when she broke away a little.

Kate schooled her features, waiting.

"Have you ever said it? I love you?"

"Yes," Kate answered easily. "But I'm not sure I really meant it," she elaborated without prompting; she really did enjoy talking to him. Not until now. Now she knew what love really meant. Loyalty and unconditional.

"Did you love Josh?"

Kate watched his face for a moment, seeking out the reasoning, trying to guess the underlying intentions. But Rick's face was open, neutral, asking, not demanding; no hints of hurt or jealousy. If he had an ulterior motive she didn't see it. "No," Kate finally answered. "I thought I did. But I didn't." It felt like nothing compared to loving Rick, to the way Rick loved her. "My turn?" Kate asked into the silence. Rick gave a 'go ahead' shrug. "What happened with you and Meredith?"

He was surprised. She saw it on his face and in the stiffening of the muscles she was lying on. "Wow straight into it."

Kate gave a shrug of her own; almost challenging him to refuse to respond. If he did, she might not mind, but it would make her think.

"She... What do you want to know?"

"Why you got divorced."

Rick blinked a second. "She... She cheated on me so I filed for divorce."

Oh wow. She wasn't actually expecting that. She was expecting... Him. That's what she was expecting. She thought it was him, that he'd done something, that he'd driven her away or something.

"We were too young and Meredith had _a lot_ of ambition," Rick went on.

"You don't have to tell me," Kate tried, somehow wanting to take the question back; as if she could erase the return of a painful memory.

"Cat's out of the bag now," Rick told her with wide eyes. Then he fell into an easy smile and curled his hand around the edge of her ear. "I don't mind talking about it. Want to know about Gina too?"

Yes.

"No, it's ok."

"That one really was my fault. I was looking for something... I thought having someone around was really nice and I wanted a mother for Alexis. Meredith was gone _all_ the time, even when we were married. Not the best reasons to get hitched. And one day I realised that it wasn't working. We were fighting a lot so I called it off. Shouldn't have done it in the first place."

Kate gave a slight nod. She was listening. But she wasn't judging. She wasn't sure she could. It was somehow admirable, wanting something good for his daughter. Yet she had been thinking the worst all these years only for her to have the story so wrong; she had reassessing to do.

Rick's face suddenly went ashen. "The bath!" He sat up as Kate slid away and they both headed quickly to the en suite. The bath was overflowing onto the white tiled floor; piles of bubbles marked the high tide. But the water was trickling to the low point in the tiles under the shower door, where there was a drain. Rick laughed and pattered through the small lake to turn off the taps. "It's cold," he noted.

"There's no more hot water?"

Rick pulled the plug. "No. You had it on cold." He turned to flick water at her and Kate backed up a step, raising her hands in protest.

"I could still use that shower," she noted.

"I'll get you a towel."

**2**

They stepped out onto the sidewalk and sun. Kate reached for Rick's hand. He looked down at her and gave a smile. She was so much more physically affectionate than he had thought, or expected and it was fantastic. She seemed to want to touch him all the time, take his hand, comb her fingers through his hair, stroking his jaw and nose and lips. And then there were the kisses, all the time; lips simply against his skin. She leaned on his arm as they started walking and Rick's heart felt so light he might just float away on the breeze. And yeah, he had a million other clichés that were starting to feel less cringe-worthy and much more realistic; for once he understood them.

Kate was in her clothes from yesterday and they were on their way to her apartment so she could get something clean to wear (Rick hoped that meant she was going to pack a bag). And to get out of the loft for a while. Rick could tell when Kate was getting restless; she was a woman who needed to be in motion. They weaved their way through foot traffic, pulling slightly apart, only to come together again, their fingers fused as one, bonded. When Rick got back to the bathroom with a spare towel, Kate was already under the water, washing shampoo out of her hair. Her back was to the shower door and as he stepped in he could see those bruises; large and purple and obviously painful. There was one the shape of a boot. Rick felt a surge of anger and regret.

"I shouldn't have left you," he muttered through a thick throat.

Kate turned to him startled, her mouth slightly open. Rick went to her, his hands lightly on her skin. The bruises in the front were worse, which meant she hadn't curled up on herself for protection while she was kicked in the back. It meant she had taken the majority of the blows head on. Now that Rick could see them he was amazed he hadn't noticed last night. And this morning. Figured he only saw what he was looking for.

"I'm fine," Kate told him.

"You're not fine," Rick countered. "You could have a broken rib."

"I do not have a broken rib," Kate dismissed with a slight eye roll. So Kate. "I'd know if something was broken."

Rick pouted. Yep, he pouted. Kate reached up a hand to smooth back the hair fallen forward on his forehead. "If you were there..." she looked pensive for a moment. "He got the drop on me and Espo. If you were there..."

She didn't have to say it. Rick could imagine. It could have been worse. Or it could have been better. There would have been three of them against that one guy. Much better odds like that.

"He was a professional Castle."

Back to Castle then.

"Even with three of us there he would probably have still got the better of us."

Wow that was freaky. And kind of cool. She could read his mind?

"I'm glad you didn't get hurt," Kate went on. She pulled him closer under the water, so their thighs were brushing.

"I could have saved you," Rick murmured. The thought of her dangling off a building, clinging on for dear life, thinking about letting go. It made him feel sick.

Kate pulled his head down against hers. "I thought it was you, coming to save me."

Rick went still, listening, trying to drown out the water to catch her soft words.

"I thought I could hear you. And when it wasn't, when it was Ryan who pulled me over... I was so..." She paused. She didn't have to finish it. Disappointed, relieved, scared, hurt. "But I'm glad. I'm glad you weren't there. That you stuck to what you'd said. Because you were right. It was madness. And I wouldn't have realised. I was blinded. But I wouldn't have realised what you mean to me if..."

Rick pressed a kiss against her mouth this time, not to quieten her, but because he just couldn't stand not to any longer. He pulled her body against his and kissed the fresh water from her lips. He wasn't sure, but he liked to think she had maybe cried a little then. That was how he would have written that scene.

Rick slowed near a newsstand and studied the headlines. Beside him, Kate searched the crowd, and waited patiently. She was amazing. So amazing. She was working with him, indulging him, understanding. She was telling him things, instead of making him figure them out, and that meant she was opening up and trusting. And that was amazing. They might just make it if they both carried on this way. And he knew love faded all too easily if either of them strayed too far away from the other.

He was in the middle of cracking a joke with the newsstand attendant when the gun shot cut over the street.


	3. Chapter 3

"It's weird sitting on this side of the table," Kate noted. Across from her, Ryan's bright blue eyes regarded her with sympathy. She was wearing Rick's sports coat and she loved the way it enveloped her with warmth and his scent; a big comforting embrace. But she was also a little shaky and vulnerable. They were in Interrogation One because Castle was making his statement in the friendly break room and a dozen other witnesses were also in the precinct at desks and other places. Some had already been able to leave. The woman who had been shot was in a critical condition. As far as Kate knew. She didn't even know the poor woman's name.

Kate curled her fingers around a cup of coffee. Courtesy of a uniform. She wasn't really drinking the liquid, just enjoying it for its warmth; she felt exposed. It wasn't just weird sitting on this side of the table, looking into the broad two-way mirror. It was weird being out of the loop. It was weird to not be conducting interviews or starting to piece together the timeline of events or making phone calls.

It was weird not being a cop.

"Are you ok?" Ryan asked tentatively.

"I'm fine. Go ahead. Ask your questions."

**3**

Rick wasn't with Esposito. In fact, Rick hadn't seen Esposito at all. Ryan had gone with Kate to interrogation but Rick hadn't seen the other detective around. Rick gave his statement to a uniform, who patiently wrote down everything he said. He tried to recall as much as he could, knowing that sometimes even the smallest detail could really make a huge difference; could make or break. He described the sound of the gun, tried to guess what direction it had come from. To be honest, he was kind of distracted when it was all going down, hoping (panicking) Kate hadn't been shot again. He didn't see a vehicle of any sort, or anyone looking suspicious.

Rick suddenly realised how utterly helpless he really was. He'd been too scared to pay much more attention than to himself. And then Kate. Once he'd finished giving his account of the events (kind of strange being a witness instead of part of the team) he headed out to the bull pen. Still no Esposito and no Kate and Ryan. Rick looked around, found someone writing on a whiteboard. "I'm looking for Detectives Beckett and Ryan?"

"They're in one of the interrogation rooms."

"Thanks," Rick moved to the end of the open space. He slipped into the observation room and saw Kate and Ryan sitting at the table; Kate facing him, Ryan with his back to the mirror. Rick went over to the glass. Kate was telling Ryan about the make and model of car she had seen speeding away from the scene. She even got a partial plate. Rick was impressed. Super impressed. Kate saw the world in a special way.

The door behind Rick opened and he turned slightly to see who had come in. He was expecting Esposito, but he was still a no show. It was the Captain. Rick shifted his weight uncomfortably. No matter what he did, she didn't like him. He wasn't sure where to go from there. He'd tried charming, helpful... Maybe he should just start throwing money around. Yeah right. Wouldn't be the first time he'd bought someone's affection. Or tolerance.

"Mr Castle," Gates spoke in a clipped greeting. She closed the door with a click, then strode over to where he was standing; her heels clomped. They both watched the interview for a moment. "I just got word. Araina Foster. The woman who was shot this afternoon? She died."

Rick felt a hollowness spread through him.

"In surgery," Gates added.

Rick was silent a moment, trying to think of something to say. He was sorry Araina had died but expressing his condolences to the Captain was a bit pointless. He wasn't sure the woman had feelings. Ok that was harsh. He thought about getting in contact with the woman's family instead. Maybe send something. He pulled his phone to set a reminder. "I'll send flowers," he said absently.

Gates didn't respond to that. Rick didn't expect more. They were both silent as they listened to Kate describing her actions once she had determined there was no more gunfire. She knew things like what time of day it was, how many people were on the street, whereabouts they were situated, from what direction the shots came, how long until the first responders showed up. Rick shouldn't have been surprised, he'd seen her in action before, but this was different somehow. He couldn't quite place it. Perhaps it was because they had both been there at the time. And Kate wasn't on duty? She was a witness this time. She was being treated like a witness.

Oh. God.

"It's a shame she quit," Gates spoke neutrally. "She was probably the best I had ever seen."

Rick turned to her shocked. Gates looked over at him passively. Then she raised an eyebrow slowly. "She _did_ tell you she quit?"

But the question was rhetorical because of course Rick hadn't known and somehow Gates knew that and she was... stirring? She had come in there specifically to tell him that? She turned and walked away, her pumps clicking on each step of defiant retreat.

It made so much sense. The gun that wasn't there. The badge that wasn't there. Why she claimed she didn't have to come into the precinct. Why she was in an _interrogation_ room, giving her statement to Detective Ryan. Why she wasn't taking charge of the shooting, now a homicide. Rick felt a little weak, felt his stomach heave. He stepped back and grabbed the table against the wall to support himself. How could she? The NYPD was Kate's life. Surely she hadn't quit the force because she had quit her mother's case? The two weren't mutually exclusive. One had existed without the other... Sort of. Well they had always been tied together but... Kate's mother's murder was what had driven her to be a homicide detective but... She had quit Johanna Beckett's case before and stayed on the force.

Rick took a deep breath, trying to steady his swirling vision. Why hadn't she told him? That was what bothered him more. That she hadn't told him.

**3**

Ryan drove them to Kate's apartment. The car ride was silent and contemplative. Rick rode in the back, staring out at the city. Ryan asked Kate if she had heard from Esposito. Kate said she hadn't. Had Ryan? He shook his head. "He's not answering my messages."

Wait, so if Esposito wasn't at work and he wasn't talking to anyone then... Had he quit too? It wasn't such a leap considering Kate had. What the hell had happened after the showdown on the roof yesterday?

Ryan got out of the car and walked them to the door of Kate's apartment. Rick noted he kept a hand near his gun at all times, and his gaze constantly moving. So did Kate. Her gaze that was. She was sans weapon after all. Once they reached the little alcove at the front door to her apartment building they stopped. Kate thanked Ryan for the ride. He told them to be safe. Rick suddenly realised they thought the shooting was something to do with her. Had she been the intended target? It was a possibility sure, but, these guys didn't miss and who knew Araina's background. Maybe she had a psychotic boyfriend or she was in a gang or she was a witness in a high profile trial and had been silenced...

Rick liked being out of the loop less and less. If he had stuck by Kate through all of this he'd know exactly what was going on right now. She wouldn't have quit. He wouldn't have let her and now they would know, he'd know, exactly what was going on.

Ryan told Kate to keep in touch and to call if she needed anything. He promised to keep her appraised. Kate thanked him and something heavy passed between them. When she turned to unlock the door, Rick stepped toward Ryan. He extended a hand quickly and Ryan shook it. "Thank you for what you did on the roof the other day," Rick told him. Behind him, he could feel the heat of Kate. "You saved Kate's life."

Ryan looked a little surprised and even while he shook Rick's hand his eyes darted behind his shoulder to where Kate was standing. "Doing my job," he said with a slight 'it's no big deal' shrug. He gave a nod to Kate and headed back to his car. When Rick turned, Kate was giving him an intense expression.

**3**

What Rick noticed was that Kate didn't take his hand in the elevator and she didn't take his arm as they stepped out into the hallway on her floor. She let them into her place and left him to close the door. She headed straight for her room and came back with a Glock, checking the barrel; her back-up piece. Rick felt another surge of nausea. He stood in the entranceway. "What's going on Kate?"

She looked up, a little startled, as if she weren't even expecting him to be there. She tucked the gun into the back of her jeans.

"What's the gun for?" Rick pressed.

"Protection Castle."

Castle again.

"Ok. If you're going to be vague, I'll be direct. Why didn't you tell me you quit being a detective?"

Kate looked surprised. "How did you?"

"I figured it out," Rick answered back. He had. "And Gates told me," he admitted.

"Gates _told_ you?" Kate asked, her eyebrows going up in disbelief. Then she looked away and moved into her living space.

"Wait," Rick called to her, taking a few steps into the kitchen. Kate turned back to him, surprised again, waiting. "Can you stay away from the windows?" Because, yeah, the gun meant she thought that bullet was meant for her this afternoon. No doubt. And a sniper had already made a mess of her heart.

Kate looked over her shoulder at the sunlight pouring in from the large banks of glass in three large windows. She hovered where she was for a moment, then crossed her arms over her body and turned to face him again, her back to the windows now, but she was, technically, within the realm of the kitchen.

Back to fearless Kate then.

"That shooter was trying to get to you this afternoon wasn't he?" Rick went on.

"I don't know for sure."

"But you're pretty confident?"

"Gut feeling."

They both had learnt to trust her gut.

Rick stepped closer to her, reaching out, wanting to grab hold of her again; an unsettling feeling of her slipping away. "What aren't you telling me? What happened on the roof? Why did you quit?"

Kate looked up at him, a flash of vulnerability. Then she looked away and when she spoke her voice was hard. "Esposito and I went to the hotel on our own. No back up. Ryan was against it. When he did show up, he had back up with him." Kate looked up at Rick again, her eyes sharp. "And Gates."

Rick lowered his reaching hand back to his side, but Kate lunged to take it in both of hers. He immediately felt better. "We were in trouble of course," Kate went on. "Espo's on administrative leave."

Rick winced. "For how long?"

Kate gave a shrug.

"And you quit?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Rick pressed. "You could take administrative leave."

Kate's expression went determined. "No," she told him with a slight shake of her head. "No it's more than that." She went to move away but Rick wouldn't let her go. She turned back to him, restless even though he wouldn't let her pace. "I can't..." She sighed. "I can't do this right now." She looked up at him. "You still want me to stay at your place?" She pulled away from him abruptly and went to her room.

Rick watched her go for a moment and then followed. He stood in the doorway and watched her reach for a bag from the top of the closet. "Don't do this."

Kate looked over at him. "You don't want me to stay?"

"Of course I want you to stay. But I don't understand why you won't talk to me about this. I need to know," Rick told her gently, fighting back the frustration. Sometimes, she could be like a skitterish foal. One false move, if he didn't approach it right and she would bolt.

"I know," Kate threw the bag to the bed. "But I can't talk about this right now. There are people out there trying to kill me."

"I know that!" Rick cut in. "How can I help you if you don't?"

"I don't need you to protect me."

"And you think a simple Glock is going to stop them? Whoever they are?" Wow he felt like screaming and crying and throwing an Alexis tantrum right there on her bedroom floor. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. She had quit the case. She had backed down. They had won. Didn't they know that?

Kate opened her mouth to argue some more but she suddenly stopped and stared at him. Then she approached her arms out. She wrapped them tightly around his torso and pressed her head beneath his chin, into his sternum. Rick put his arms around her shoulders and held her, not sure what to make of the sudden change. He waited, and eventually Kate pulled back and looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

Rick shook his head. "It's ok."

"No it's _not_ ok," she told him with feeling. "It's not ok. None of it is ok. You're right. You're more than my partner and it took almost dying again to get that. I almost died on that building and I called for you. I wanted you to be there so badly. When you weren't... I... I didn't like it." She took a deep breath. "I quit because... I dishonoured the badge."

"You can talk to Gates."

Kate shook her head to stop him. "No you don't get it. It was an honour to serve this city, to call myself a member of the NYPD. And what I did yesterday... I put a fellow detective at risk. I broke protocol. I almost got myself killed by being reckless. That's not honouring my brothers. That's not honouring my Mom."

Rick stared.

"I didn't tell you because... I was... ashamed. And I wanted to just be with you. I wanted to be with you so badly and to not have this mess encroach on something that we were building, you and me," she gave a slight smile. "And now it has. So now I have to take action."

"You don't have to fight back..."

"Can you get in touch with Montgomery's contact?"

"Kate."

"Get in touch with him. Can you do that? I want to talk to him."

"No, Kate, don't... If you don't let this go they'll kill you," Rick pleaded.

"I know," she soothed, bringing up a hand to his cheek, stroking her thumb beneath his eye. "I know. I want to tell him that I'm done. I want to make sure they get the message. I'll back off. They don't have to keep going after us."

"Us?"

"I was standing right next to you on that street Rick. Right next to you. A few inches the other way and it could be you lying in the morgue."

Rick swallowed hard. He hadn't thought of that. "What about Alexis? Do you think?"

"No," Kate shook her head again. "No this isn't about Alexis. It's me they want."  
"I... I don't know how to contact him. I don't even know his name."

Kate looked up at him for a moment. "Did he call you on your cell phone?"

"Yes. And at home. But I've already tried to trace the number. It's blocked."

"Give me your phone. I know someone who can run it."

**3**

There was a bang on the door. Not a knock or a tap but a pounding of a fist. Kate looked over at Rick and he looked at her, a little worried. Kate had the Glock on the couch next to her, tucked under a cushion. She shifted a hand to it and gave him a nod. When Rick got up she adjusted her body position so she was facing toward the door. Rick turned the handle and opened the portal, while also stepping back out of the way, giving her a clear line of fire. Just in case.

It was Esposito. He charged into the loft, speaking to Kate, ignoring Rick. "What the hell? I go to your place and you're not even there."

Kate started to stand, startled. Rick shut the door quickly behind them. "I hear on the news some woman's been shot two blocks from your apartment and I'm thinkin', it could be you and you're not home and so I'm startin' to freak out a little. I call the precinct and they tell me Ryan dropped you off there hours ago. He doesn't know where you are now," Esposito's dark eyes were bright as his hand gestured back and for. "And oh yeah, by the way, you _were_ there at the shooting."

Rick came up behind the other man, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Esposito looked back at him for a second, then focussed on Kate, who was on her feet now, coming to stand in front of him. "So what's the deal?" Esposito demanded, panting just a little from his outburst.

"You called the precinct?" Kate asked with a hint of a smile.

Esposito gave a scowl. "How else am I going to find out what was going on?"

"You want some coffee?" She headed past him and for the kitchen.

Esposito looked back to Castle. Rick gave him a shrug. "Wha?" Javier tried. Rick headed for the kitchen himself. "So what's going on?" He asked again, following them. Kate stood at the bench and Rick took over making the coffee. She told Esposito about the shooting on the street and the woman dying, how she suspected the bullet was meant for her (based mostly on her own personal recent events, and the sound of what she identified as a sniper rifle), how Rick had information about a blackmailing scheme to keep her alive so long as she stayed off her mother's case.

"So what's the next move?" Javier pressed.

Kate looked to Rick but he stayed quiet, moving about his kitchen silently. Kate looked back at Esposito. "Nothing. There is no next move. The twelfth will handle the homicide."

"You can't just let it end here!" Esposito burst out. "You can't let them win."

"It's not about letting them win," Kate countered. "It's about no one else getting killed."

Esposito scoffed. "You're backing down."

"Yes," Kate told him clearly, raising her chin a little in defiance. "I don't want anyone else to get _killed_ Espo," and she reached for Rick's hand, slipping her palm against his. Esposito looked from her face to their hands, then up to Rick and back to Kate. She stared him down, waiting, and finally his shoulders dropped a little, the only indication that he was accepting what she was saying. "My mother's case was clouding my judgement. We shouldn't have gone to the hotel on our own."

"I can't believe..."

"But I really appreciate you had my back," she told him, her gaze steady. She let go of Rick's hand and he moved away again. "Espo."

He gave a kind of sigh, half grunt of dismissal and looked away, a little embarrassed. Kate wasn't sure how it started, but he had always been a bit like her protective younger brother.

"Espo," Kate went on. "It's time to move on. It's not about letting them win, but refusing to play their game their way anymore. Maybe the time will come that we can expose them but not right now. Castle's right. We have to let this go. We have to stay alive if we want any hope of bringing him down in the future."

Rick came up behind her again, slipped a coffee cup in front of her, reached over and placed one in front of Esposito. Then he placed a hand at her back and stood like a pillar as she continued to talk Esposito down. Kate sipped her coffee but Esposito ignored his. The anger did eventually seep out of him and he did agree to at least respect her wishes. He also vowed to have her back whenever she needed him to, all she had to do was say the word. Kate nodded with a slight smile and thanked him. When there was nothing else to say, they headed for the door. Rick stayed where he was. Kate let the other man out of the apartment. "Oh hey Espo, talk to your damn partner would you? He did the right thing."

Esposito gave her a grim grunt, then walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

Kate drifted somewhere between blissful awareness and dozing sleep. Every time they made love her bruised body just ached more and it was getting to the point where she could no longer ignore it. She was sure nothing was broken but already damaged muscles were getting far too much of a work out at the moment. Except she didn't want to stop. A part of her felt like she had to make the most of it, being with Rick, because her days were numbered. It made her feel nervous. She wished she could just stop the world for an hour or two so they could be together without their lives hanging ominously over their heads. They were still waiting to hear back from her contact about the phone number. Or they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Making love seemed like a really good way to pass the time.

Kate felt a hand at her chest, soft fingers between her breasts, tracing over the scar against her sternum. "Pervert," she teased and opened her eyes.

Rick was right next to her on the pillow, his face slack but his eyes intense. "Does it still hurt?"

Kate shook her head a little, reaching up to brush the hair away from his forehead. She wanted to snuggle in closer against his chest but she also sensed he wanted to talk. His hand dropped to the mattress and she snagged it up quickly, squeezing his fingers. "My other scar twinges sometimes," she volunteered. "I feel that one more."

Rick sighed and turned onto his back. Kate followed him, leaning against his bare chest, like she had done that morning. It didn't feel like enough time and she tried to clamp down on the impending sense of doom but it swelled dangerously for a moment. "I'm afraid," Rick said and that only made it worse. Kate dropped her mouth to his skin, placing a kiss. She wanted to tell him it would be ok but she didn't know that, and no amount of optimism was going to make it a reality. Not this time. Cole Maddox had toyed with her like she was a rag doll; he was far more dangerous than Coonan or Lockwood had seemed to be; she had gotten a lot closer now and posed more of a threat.

The only way out of this was to get that message to Montgomery's contact. The mysterious man who was pulling the strings on her behalf from behind the scene. If he could then get a message to the Dragon (assuming he was in contact with the man), there was a chance Kate and Rick could just be left alone. She would always be wondering, in the back of her mind, who the Dragon really was, but at least she could spend the rest of her life doing so. That was what was important to her now; having a life. It wasn't just hers anymore. She had Rick and Rick had her, and she wanted to keep it that way. It was important now.

Kate reached up further to kiss Rick again. She peppered his jaw and nose and cheeks and then lips. He snagged her mouth. His hand was large in the small of her back; heavy, warm and anchoring. He pulled her towards him as he pushed up and Kate found herself on her back. Rick's mouth was hot and relentless and Kate found herself utterly overwhelmed; she loved the way he kissed. She wrapped an arm around the back of his neck, keeping him nice and close; his torso pressed against her stomach. She gave a little moan of delight; heat rushing out from her heart. Then her phone started ringing and Rick broke away, breathless, his eyes glassy.

Kate gave a grumble and reached for it on his nightstand, sitting slightly as she moved, inadvertently pushing Rick further away from her. There was no face on the screen to identify the caller, but she recognised the number anyway and she quickly flicked her thumb from left to right to answer it. "Please tell me you've got something?" Kate answered, breathless now for another reason. Kate mimed writing to Rick and he shifted to pull open the drawer on the bedside table. He produced a pad and pen. Kate quickly jotted the address down and Rick took it from her to study. "Thanks. I really appreciate you doing this for me." Kate listened again, aware that she was now indebted. The caller asked her to keep them in the loop. "Yep," Kate agreed. She hung up, snatched the address back from Rick's grasp and read it again. "I know where this is."

"Yeah," Rick agreed.

She looked up at him and his face was downcast. She reached out a hand to his cheek. "We're just going to talk to him. That's all."

"I know. But it's kind of like pulling the mask off of Batman."

Kate quirked an eyebrow at him. "You've met him before."

"Batman?" Rick gave her an incredibly serious expression for a moment. So serious it was also so false. "I had no idea. Who was he?"

Kate gave him an unimpressed expression.

"Yeah I know," Rick went on. "But that was in the shadows of a parking building."

"So very cloak and dagger," Kate gave him a little smirk.

"Exactly," Rick widened his eyes in stark agreement. But it was gallows humour. Kate could see the nerves around the edges of his blue eyes and in the way his mouth formed a tight line.

"I could go alone," Kate tried. She was only half- testing and even felt some relief when Rick gave her a very unimpressed expression of dismissal. She reached for him, half climbing into his lap to embrace him. She pressed a kiss to the side of his head.

**4**

Kate had the Glock tucked into the back of her jeans. She had a license for it but still, she was pushing her luck carrying it on her, considering her status as a member of the New York Police Department. They got a cab to the address she had written down. When they approached the building they were stopped by a doorman. He politely asked who they were calling on and when given the name he observed them for a moment before saying Mr Smith was at his office uptown. He was obliging with another address so they'd got in another cab and headed on over. The doorman might have called ahead to warn Mr Smith, Kate mused to herself, because he seemed to be quite conscientious. He was probably getting a little extra cash on the side. She had half a thought the doorman might have fed them a line to steer them away from the apartment, but it wasn't like she could flash tin and demand they go up anyway.

The office was open to the street and while a security guard eye-balled them as they crossed the lobby to the elevators, they were not stopped and questioned again. On the way up, Rick turned to Kate. "Creepy."

"Yeah," she agreed.

"I feel like a million eyes are watching me." He gave a slight shiver. "It's like walking into a trap."

Kate raised her eyebrows in a certain direction. "There are eyes watching."

Rick followed her gaze to a security camera on the elevator car. He stared at the floor the rest of the way up. They stepped out onto plush beige carpet and dim lighting. It was completely silent in the short hallway. There were two arm chairs in the foyer by the elevator, then three wooden doors, with numbers in gold on the outside. "Uh," Rick hesitated. Even Kate paused for a moment. Then she strode right to the end and knocked. She would bang on all the doors if she had to. On several floors if it was required. The doorman might have lied about which floor it was. He might have lied about the building.

"Pretty peaceful up here," Rick mused. "Looks like there isn't a lot of traffic..."

"Rick," Kate hissed, her hand gesturing for him to get back. He obediently moved behind her. It was then he realised the door she had knocked on was actually open a jar. The door handle had had its neck broken and was hanging at a slightly odd angle. Kate had the Glock out, nudging the door open further. She should probably be calling for back up at this point. Or hey, you know, she wasn't even a cop anymore so, any kind of sworn in someone who was allowed to enter a suspicious circumstance would be better than her and the writer. If she wasn't a cop, what was she anyway?

The door eased forward, silent over the carpet and Kate checked the gap for a person. From what she could see the immediate vicinity was clear. On the other side of the front door was another lobby type set up. There was a coats rack, another arm chair, a small table, a doorway leading further into the space; it looked like the apartment of the wealthy, not an office.

Kate inched forward to see better and when she was absolutely sure there was no one on the other side of the door, quickly moved to the next doorframe. There was no barrier there and she was able to see into a larger space, an outer office. There was a desk by the wall, computer, lamp (which wasn't on), paperwork, inbox, phone, pens, the usual. All tidy and undisturbed. Kate could feel Rick at her back. It was comforting to her prickling skin. So far it all looked fine, but her instincts were telling her something was wrong. She trained her gaze around the room, double checking every corner and shadow, her gun following her eyes, or were her eyes following the gun? When all seemed clear she moved forward again. Opposite them was another door, this one wooden, heavy, slightly open, a trapezium of light spilling over the cream carpet.

Gun raised, Kate headed across the room, keeping her body at an angle that would present the smallest target if need be. Her heart was pounding now, throat dry. And Rick was there, at all times, at her back, letting her shelter him even without a bullet proof vest and a badge. Did he know she really needed that? _Needed_ it.

It was still incredibly silent as they stood on the other side of the last door. Kate listened for a moment in case whatever was disturbing the atmosphere might also give away a sound clue. But there was nothing. Kate checked the carpet for moving shadows, which might indicate someone was moving around in there, but again, there was nothing. Nothing but that sickening dread that was getting more confident in her stomach as the seconds ticked by. Finally she steeled herself and straightened her shoulders. She felt Rick move back a little, giving her room; they had done this together too many times. She would feel much better if he also had a gun. And his stupid writer's vest.

Kate pushed into the room, moving quickly, surveying rapidly, keep her gun raised and defiant. But the room was empty. Rick moved in behind her, but kept to the wall. She spun to check behind the desk and that's when she saw the body. Silver hair. Face down. Drowning in a big red lake. She checked behind the rest of the furniture from her vantage point and even with her gun still raised in her right hand, she reached down with her left to check for a pulse. The skin was cold and repellent but she still forced two fingers into the fold of the neck. She already knew, but there was no pulse. She looked up and caught Rick's ashen expression. He met her eyes. "That's him," he practically whispered. "That's Mr Smith. They got to him."

**4**

Ryan came down with a team Kate wasn't particularly familiar with. Kevin looked worried when he arrived and it wasn't just the necessary compassion for a victim. This one was personal. Kate felt the noose tightening and it made her want to pace. But she didn't, because she could feel the fear washing off of Rick every few minutes and she didn't want to compound it; his or hers. Ryan asked her quickly what had happened and she recounted the events briefly from the time he had dropped her off at her place until now. Rick nodded along, oddly silent, obviously thinking too much.

Kate and Rick had searched Mr Smith's office carefully, trying not to disturb too much. Rick had told Kate there was a packet of information; damning evidence against the Dragon. Mr Smith had obviously been killed to get to it. When they came up empty handed Kate figured whoever had shot Mr Smith had achieved both his objectives when he had come to this office. They waited in the ante-chamber for the police.

"We could leave town," Rick murmured. Kate looked over at him neutrally. "The country even. Just get away from here."

"And how long until he tracks me to wherever we go? I don't want to spend the rest of my life running. What about Alexis?" She didn't have to go much further than that. Rick's face fell and then Ryan had arrived.

Mr Smith was ID'd through a driver's license in his pocket; his wallet still contained cash, the Rolex was still on his wrist. Nothing had been touched or taken. It was not a robbery. It was a hit. A single gunshot wound to the chest. He had bled out in minutes. But then the M.E arrived and he found bruising, like there had possibly been a bit of a struggle. The killer might have tidied up the room after himself. Kate didn't need to know any of that. It wasn't her case and there was nothing she could do.

There was _nothing_ she could do.

She didn't know what to do next in fact. She had been pinning her hopes on Mr Smith to get her out of the mess she had made with Cole Maddox and the Dragon. Now, he was out of the equation and she absolutely knew it had to do with her. Shit. She had decided to stop because so many people were dying. They were still dying. Soon there would be no one left. Maybe Esposito was right, maybe she shouldn't stop fighting. She couldn't possibly hope to win (and she didn't much relish the thought of going down without a fight) but she couldn't just stand by and watch everyone else get cut down around her.

Ryan was finishing taking their statement and quietly telling her to sneak that gun out of there again when Gates arrived. "What is going on here?" She demanded.

Rick seemed to come out of his reverie but he didn't say anything. Kate straightened up in her chair but also didn't volunteer an answer. Ryan looked abashed but he gave the Captain a quick rundown of what he knew. "Uh huh. And what are you two doing here?" She turned on Kate and Rick.

"They found the body," Ryan tried.

"What are you doing finding bodies?" Gates went on as if he hadn't spoken.

Kate got to her feet. "With all due respect, Sir, I'm not a cop anymore, but that doesn't mean I have to sit at home like it's a prison cell. My personal business is my personal business."

Gates stared at her. "If it's pertinent to the case, _Ms_ Beckett, I expect you to cooperate with the police in this matter."

"And I will be happy to answer any questions Detective Ryan may have as the investigation progresses. As for now, I've given my statement and I'm going home. It's been a hell of a few days." She strode away without waiting to be dismissed. Gates stared after her, her expression hard.

Rick got to his feet. "Talk to you later," he murmured to Kevin. Then he acknowledged Gates, but left without saying anything to her. Kate was pacing at the elevator when Rick caught up to her. It wasn't until they were on and alone that she vented.

"Ugh did you see that? It was like she was practically accusing me of shooting him."

Rick wanted to say something about the Captain only doing her job, which was half true, the other half of her was obviously prying. But he thought better of saying anything. Instead he reached for Kate and pulled her against his chest in a crushing hug. "I was serious about getting out of town."

Kate pulled back. "Where are we going to go?"

"Anywhere. Just for a few days. It's safer outside the city."

Kate shook her head. "Nowhere is safe. If we leave, we'll just be followed."

Rick sighed. "I thought you might say that."

When the car came to a stop, he stepped off first.

**4**

Rick felt hopeless. Smith was kind of their last chance and now he was dead and so now Rick didn't know what to do. He and Kate trailed along the New York street, both thinking, neither speaking; occasionally their bodies bumped together. They didn't hold hands. Not this time. Rick looked over at Kate frequently but she seemed utterly lost in thought. He wasn't sure what to say either. From here it all seemed so bleak. There were professional hit-men out to kill the woman he loved and they were funded by an anonymous and powerful but utterly unreachable Dragon. And now Kate didn't even have the slim resources of the New York Police Department. She was totally alone. Well not totally, she had Rick, always would, but still...

Not good odds.

Rick grabbed Kate's arm suddenly and pulled her into a nearby diner. She looked around startled, then up at him, her arm twitching towards the gun in the back of her jeans. Rick shifted his grip to her right wrist, dissuading her arm, and pulled her further into the establishment. From the chalkboard he ordered a blueberry cream pie to share and pushed Kate into the back to sit at the end of the counter. When they were seated she finally hissed at him to ask what he was doing.

"Pie," Rick told her. "It's always better to think with some pie."

"Are you kidding me?" She asked but it was entirely incredulous. Not like those other times when he had really pissed her off. In fact, he might have detected a little bit of gratitude in her expression. He was allowing her a distraction. And to get off the streets.

"Worked for Kay in Men In Black."

Incredulous again, then the hint of a smile. A smile! Rick gave her a grin, thanked the waitress with a disarming smile when she set a place with a napkin and two forks.

"What are we going to do?" Kate asked.

Rick turned to her, saw the worry, felt his lower intestine loosen. "Still serious about leaving town."

"That's not an option," Kate told him, almost pleading. "You really want to run?"

Well not really but... "How else are you going to stay safe?" Rick leaned towards her, lowering his voice so it was a rumble. "Witness protection? Do you know a federal agent?" He stopped suddenly. He knew someone at Homeland Security. They both did. Kate's face said the same thing but then she reached resignation and stopped him from pulling his phone out with a hand on his wrist. "We can't call him. He's a busy man."

"Right," Rick agreed. But wasn't Kate's life important too? As important as a potential dirty bomb in some unknown city somewhere across the United States that had the capability of blowing a small hole into the country? Well, probably not. But she was important to Rick. She had the potential of blowing a whole through his heart. He felt a sickening swirl of his stomach. "We'll think of something," Rick told her reassuringly as their pie arrived, even though he wasn't so sure that they would. Then he remembered something else, Agent Mark Fallon wasn't the only federal agent they knew.

**4**

So, so far, the plan was to get a cab home, because they were less likely to be targets in a vehicle than they were walking on the street (although Kate suspected that when they were coming for her they would get her, no matter what stood in their way). Once they were back at the loft they were going to call Ryan for an update. And then after that, they had no idea. It all seemed so very desolate and Kate felt like she was walking around with a target on her back. She felt far more vulnerable now than when the sniper had terrorised New York nearly a year ago. At least then she had had a gun and a badge, and an entire precinct behind her. Now, all she had was the gun and Rick, Ryan and Esposito.

The pie was delicious but neither Rick nor Kate had managed much of it. Kate loved that Rick was putting his usual delightful spin on the situation as much as he could. He had no idea how sometimes that break from the mundane made her feel alive again. It was hard to explain, but it was like remembering her world wasn't small, that there was laughter in it and that the sun came out from behind the clouds. Even though black clouds were gathering on the horizon, Rick was showing her the last of the sun before the storm rolled in.

Oh god. Was she? Was she giving up? Was she preparing for the inevitable? Was she just assuming her last cards had been dealt and her hand had come up short?

Rick was playing with his phone, texting or something, as Kate stepped to the edge of the sidewalk to hail a cab. But a cab was not what pulled up. It was a black SUV, no plates, tinted windows, a menacing glare. Her heart thumped a warning but it was too late. Even as she started to back away, to open her mouth to call out a warning, two men jumped out and grabbed her. She relaxed into a dead weight but that didn't stop them. Then she started to fight back, kicking and struggling but that didn't really slow them down either. She heard Rick's cry of protest and a few startled voices of civilians, but they were not in a high pedestrian zone and she knew there would be no intervention, hardly any witnesses.

From within the car, where she was pressed down by the two burly men, Kate managed to catch a glimpse of Rick's face as the vehicle peeled away. Distraught. She closed her eyes. '_Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes_.'

**4**

Rick stared after the disappearing black beast in disbelief. He had been expecting a bullet, a sharp shard of blood, a finality; not an abduction. What could they possibly want with taking her? To... to make her death slow and painful? A punishment? Surely they didn't care. Surely they just wanted her gone, not play games with her.

Around him, people on the street were pointing after the SUV, talking to each other loudly, shocked and questioning. Rick gripped at his phone, which was already in his hand.


	5. Chapter 5

Rick sat in the eye of the storm and knew he had absolutely done the right thing. After he watched Kate being dragged away he had called FBI Agent Jordan Shaw immediately. He used to know someone in the CIA but that had fallen through and he was not above calling in favours when he needed to. And he really, really, really needed this. He needed Kate back. No offence to the New York Police Department, but this was beyond their scope. This was waaaaay bigger than any of them. With Smith gone, Rick was desperately scraping at the bottom of a barrel on people who could help on this one. He was scared. He was so shit scared.

He hadn't meant for Shaw to drop everything and come racing to his side but maybe she could wrangle a few resources, throw something his way, help him out a little. But she was in Jersey and so she was on her way. She had already had a call from Kate about a phone number, so she was interested in what was going on. But now that Kate had been snatched she wanted in (she practically dictated it). Rick was pleased, he couldn't deny that, but he was also aware of two other things: Captain Gates was going to be really pissed off with him for going behind her back to a more powerful authority (again) and Agent Shaw was going to want to know everything. _Everything_.

Now Rick was at the 12th, where the FBI had already descended, and Gates had given him a very dirty expression. With Jordan listening in on speaker while someone drove her through Manhattan, Rick and Ryan relayed everything. Almost everything. The bits with Montgomery they either left out or were vague on. That wasn't the point right now and maybe it would come out later but if they could still keep it quiet, well they were going to try. The point was, a very powerful man had taken Kate (well probably) and her life was more than likely in danger (even if it was just a random abduction, which it probably wasn't) and Rick would do anything to get her back. So yeah, he did break the 'cone of silence' on the subject a little, but this was personal and this was final.

Gates listened in, acting as if she had known all along, pretending she was distraught that one of her own had been abducted. One of hers. She obviously wasn't sharing that Kate had resigned and that Gates had let her go without a fight. By the time Rick had finished telling the story, right down to the moment the door had closed on Kate's terrified expression, Shaw had arrived and she ordered her team and half the precinct (not Rick) into assignments. Then she took Gates aside and they conferred out of earshot in the Captain's office.

Rick was starting to get a headache and he was seriously fighting back the urge to cry. He was worried sick and since his part in the debrief he had been left to his own devices; not a smart move with an imagination like his. The FBI were taking care of everything. Rick wasn't even sure if they had leads on Kate's whereabouts but all the agents were pretty busy, buzzing about; Ryan was making phone call after phone call. Rick felt numb and like his legs were untrustworthy.

"So that's what Gates looks like actually worried."

Rick turned his head where he sat. Esposito stood next to him, a grim expression on his face. "You heard?" Rick croaked.

Esposito gave a nod. "I was asked to come in to help with the brief." He gave a 'can you believe that?' expression.

"What about your suspension?"

"Must be suspended."

Rick didn't even manage a smile.

"You told them?"

Rick nodded.

"Everything?"

"Most of it. Not the stuff with," he paused, checked no one was near and lowered his voice. "Montgomery but the rest of it. Yeah."

Esposito gave a firm nod and seemed to steel himself. "All right then. Better go check in with my partner." He moved off again, heading for the conference room where the FBI had set up. There was no magic smart board yet but there were a lot of blue and yellow jackets and phones and computers, and a whole lot of noise. From where Rick was sitting, at Kate's desk, it sounded like static.

**5**

Rick was having incredibly morbid thoughts about Kate already being dead and them finally tracking her down only to be too late; they would bring her body back. He thought about calling Alexis, didn't want to drag her into it (certainly didn't want an 'I-told-you-so' no matter how subtle it was), which meant he was pretty much left with no one for comfort. That thought worried him, and it led him back to Kate and so the vicious cycle would continue. Sometimes he felt like this when he was writing. When he put Nikki in a terrible position he sometimes couldn't see the way out of. But if he thought about it long enough and hard enough, if he was patient and waited, the solution always came to him. The perfect way out. It wasn't working in this case. No matter how he looked at it, this scene ended with Kate dead and him broken.

After Shaw and Gates had talked, or whatever, Jordan came to Rick. They went into the break room, with one of her agents who took notes, and she asked him to repeat his story, interrupting with clarifying questions, but mostly letting him talk. When he was finished she watched him for a moment and he could tell she was thinking: why didn't they get other people involved sooner? And the answer? Montgomery. They were trying to protect Montgomery. But this went beyond him now. It wasn't about what he had done so long ago; it was about Kate's life. As far as Rick was concerned, and sorry to his wife and children, but Kate's life trumped his honour.

Shaw got to her feet. She placed a hand on Rick's shoulder as she went to walk away. "Don't worry Rick, we'll find her."

'_Before she's dead_?' Rick thought but knew that was unfair. "Thank you for coming when I called." He turned is head to look up at her. She had an amazing presence, understated but strong. Her red hair was still vibrant and her blue eyes cool.

She regarded him for a moment before saying, "She saved my life once."

As soon as she left Lanie came in. Her face was grim. She sat opposite Rick, on the couch. She didn't say anything and Rick couldn't bring himself to make small talk. He was pretty much out. "Javier told me they've already tracked down the vehicle."

"She came to me," Rick said instead. The news reverberated through him numbly. Lanie gave him a slightly surprised expression. She looked tired, he noted, and thought he must look pretty dreadful about now. He suddenly remembered Kate claiming she probably looked awful when he thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Rick went on, "She told me she was sorry. She told me she was done with this whole thing. We were going to..."

"She loves you, you know."

"I know."

**5**

Shortly after the SUV started on its way, something pinched at Kate's neck and her vision started to cloud, her muscles felt weak and she had an overwhelming urge to start crying. So she had no idea where she was when she came around again. The room was black and there was a light shining into her face so that she couldn't see beyond the brightness. It cut deeply into her brain, making it thump out a rapid tempo for the protest march in her head. She was tied to a chair, wrists behind her, ankles separately bound to each chair leg. As soon as her eyes were open she saw feet approaching. Her hair was yanked hard, her head forced back, and she looked up into cold brown eyes. Cole Maddox. He gave her a slight smile. "Welcome back."

There was duct tape over Kate's mouth and she had to immediately retrain her instinct to gasp for air through her mouth. She fought down the panic, forced her eyes to relax again, ignored the pain in the back of her skull. If this was it, she would be damned if she went down without a fight, without resistance, refusing to give into this sadistic bastard's smugness; she would not be so easily broken.

Maddox let her go with a rough shove of her head. It sent Kate's vision reeling but she righted herself in the chair slowly, with control; she would not let him see how he affected her. "Now. We know you know about our mutual friend Mr Smith," he started pacing, moving behind Kate. His voice was casual like he had all the time in the world for this. Kate's heart was counting down the time rapidly. "Unfortunately, he wasn't very forthcoming before his death. But we're not going to have the same trouble are we?"

Like Kate was going to answer that one. She knew he was only trying to work his way into her head. The thing is, she didn't have anything to share. She didn't have the file and any other evidence she had really wasn't very damning. She hadn't worked out who was behind it all, just that it was one man, who she hadn't even nicknamed 'the Dragon'. Her latest lead had been Maddox and he still hadn't led her to his employer. What did he possibly think Kate could tell him? Everyone else tied to this case, who might have actually known something, certainly there were those who did know more than she did, were dead.

"There are incentives to make you talk," Maddox went on. "People you care about."

Kate felt a surge of adrenaline. She flexed against her restraints but they were nice and tight; of course. She wondered if they were alone, if it was just her and Maddox. If she managed to get free, what were her chances of actually being able to escape? She couldn't see much of anything beyond the circle of light. There could be others there, watching. She could have a gun trained on her right now. One false move and the trigger pulled.

"Are you listening former Detective Beckett? Because it looks as though you're not paying attention."

Kate's eyes went back to Maddox's face as he came around from her right, and then they dropped to look beyond him. Another light came on, overhead a figure sitting in a chair. A tall, broad-chested man, sitting tied to a chair and Kate knew who it was without having to see his face. It was Rick.

Oh god Rick.

Kate fought back the panic again. They had grabbed him too. Was he hurt? His head was slumped forward, chin to chest, his head covered in a black bag. She sucked in air through her nose, trying to regain control of herself. She knew what she had to do now. She would talk, she would deal, she would do whatever it was they wanted, so long as they let Rick go without hurting him. Once she was assured of that, she would tell them anything.


	6. Chapter 6

"Now as you can appreciate, my employer is a busy man so we don't have time for mind games or for any defiance." Maddox gave her a sneer as he turned in his pace, "And I know how you love to be defiant. So this is how it is, you don't tell me what I need to know, and we'll start taking your boyfriend over there apart, one limb at a time. We'll be starting small, toes and fingers, that kind of thing, give you a chance to really think about it, then move on to a foot, a hand," Maddox turned to her, his eyes dark and menacing. "You get the point."

Kate had no doubt that was exactly what would happen; she had no intention of testing him either. She gave a tentative nod and Maddox studied her for a moment. She could only hope he would believe her. There was no rescue coming. She was not on the clock, had no one to report in to. Her team had been split up; they assumed she was at Castle's place. Not here. No one knew they were here. She knew what she had to do. She had to get Rick free. She had to make sure he was safe.

"Also I should let you know that we're completely isolated here so no one will hear you scream, if you so feel inclined. That will only give me a headache and cost you two toes," Maddox raised two long fingers.

If Kate's mouth wasn't arid she might have swallowed hard.

"So what do you say Kate? Shall we have a chat about a few things?"

Kate nodded again. Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure he must be able to tell. He gave a slight smirk as he approached and ripped the duct tape from her lips roughly. Kate instinctively licked them as they tingled with pain and tasted the iron of her own blood and the chemical bitterness of adhesive. Maddox tossed the tape aside and came to stand in front of her. He leaned down from the waist, like he was showing respect, but instead his gaze was dead and his tone cold. "Now. What is in the file Mr Smith had?"

"Let Castle go," Kate countered.

Maddox gave a snort. "Nope. That's not how this goes." He gave a signal with his hand and the light over Rick suddenly went out.

"No!" Kate cried. She struggled against her bindings but they only bit harder. "No! Don't! Don't hurt him! I'll tell you what I know about the file."

Maddox smiled. "I see you learn fast. That's great." But the light stayed off and Kate's heart continued to pound so hard. When she didn't hear signs of torture, she still didn't relax, she stayed alert. "Now, what about the file?" Cole asked her in a measured tone.

Kate took a deep breath. She looked up into his face, those cold brown eyes. "I never saw a file."

"But you know about the file?"

Kate was surprised. She thought that might have angered him enough to lash out at Rick. But again, she heard no noises, no scuffling or grunts. Everything was very quiet. "I-I know there's a file."

"And what's in it."

"Just that it contains evidence against the Dragon." Oh how desperately she wanted him to believe that. "I don't know what the evidence is."

Maddox seemed thoughtful for a moment. "You went to Smith's office?"

"Yes," Kate responded hesitantly.

"And you searched for the file?"

"You killed him," Kate suddenly realised.

"You searched for the file?" Maddox repeated firmly.

"Yes we looked. We didn't find it."

Maddox stared at her. "Did you go to his apartment?"

**6**

It was Shaw who came to find Rick and personally update him on the progress of Kate's disappearance. From an ATM camera across the road they were able to get a partial plate and run it through a database against make and model. They came up with another rental. Ryan, Esposito and some of her agents had gone down to flash Maddox's picture around with the rental company. In the meantime, they were checking traffic cameras in the area as well as any other footage they could find to track the SUV across the city. So far, they had ten city blocks covered. The vehicle had taken Kate west.

Lanie was on the clock so she had to go back to work but Rick appreciated the fifteen minutes of comfort she had afforded. When Shaw came to find him he was sitting alone again in the break room. It seemed no one else wanted or needed coffee because he had been undisturbed for a long time. Shaw sat opposite him on the couch. She regarded him with that open evaluating expression of hers. Rick met her gaze.

"You don't want to get in there?" She asked purposefully hesitantly, jerking her head towards the command centre in the conference room.

Rick looked over at the mass of bodies all buzzing about in there. "I thought it might be a bit crowded."

"You're afraid," Jordan accused.

"Yes," Rick admitted easily. Kate had become the person he ran to when he was unsure, afraid, needing comfort or talking down from the ledge. But she wasn't here to reassure him that it was all going to work out in the end.

"You two finally..." she raised an eyebrow at him slightly.

"Yes," he answered, then sat back a little surprised. "How did you know?"

"Oh I can tell. I know what a love sick puppy looks like when I see one."

Rick didn't have the heart to smile.

"I'm sure it won't feel like much comfort right now," Shaw spoke again as she got to her feet. "But we will find the son of a bitch who took her. And then we'll nail the bigger son of a bitch behind all of this."

Rick looked up at the vehemence in her face. "It does, actually, thanks." Because he believed it when she said it; it just might be true.

Jordan gave a nod and headed for the door.

**6**

"Did Montgomery make copies?"

"I don't know."

Maddox gave a heavy sigh. "Former Detective Kate Beckett, you're not giving me many reasons to let your boyfriend keep his little toes."

Kate's muscles strained against the restraints. "So ask me questions I can answer," she grit out.

Maddox gave an amused snort. "Give me the answers I want to hear."

"Do you think I'm lying to you?" She looked up at him defiantly, shaking her hair back from her face so he could see her clearly.

"It's not a case of whether you're lying or not. I need information."

"And I don't have it."

"But I have ways of making sure you really don't."

"No!" Kate struggled again. "Don't hurt him. He hasn't done anything to you. It was me. It was all me."

"Oh it wasn't," Cole said lightly, walking around her in a slow circle. "We both know that. Many people have been involved in this whole sordid affair."

Kate was pretty sure they had different ideas of which side had been sordid. But yeah, there were a lot of people involved and those who had been mixed up in it the longest were nearly all deceased.

"So I think your boyfriend over there deserves his fair share of the punishment."

Kate started to protest but Maddox cut her off. "I'm beginning to believe you. You really don't know anything. You'd like to see that file as badly as we do."

Kate fought back a whimper. She desperately hoped he was being serious and not just toying her. God damned she would not let him see her fall apart. Her fear was real but she could control it, control it, shove it down, shove it down deep, don't let him see.

"So where do we go from here Kate?" Maddox came around from her right to stand in front of her. He raised his eyebrows as if he really expected her to come up with a solution. There was no way she was going to be asked to be let go. But maybe Rick? She had no bargaining power whatsoever. She couldn't trade information for Rick's life.

She wanted to cry.

"I need to make a phone call," Maddox mumbled and walked out of the circle of light above her head.

**6**

The car was a bust. The rental company employee who had leased out the vehicle did not recognise Maddox's photo. The driver's licence he had on file was of someone else and considering the investigating team didn't have a list of known associates (because Cole Maddox was a false name and facial recognition was yet to produce a match to a real name), they couldn't determine if the man who had leased the SUV was with Maddox at all. The rental company did have GPS trackers on their vehicles but that also came up useless when they found the vehicle abandoned by the river. No cameras there to indicate what had happened next, but an FBI forensics team were all over the scene. What it meant was that Kate could be anywhere really; she might not even be on the island anymore. They could have moved her on foot, into another waiting vehicle, or merely tossed her into the river (they also had diver's doing a quick check to make sure, as well as water patrol on the surface).

When Rick finally motivated himself to get up and go sit with the investigation, he saw Gates was in the conference room too. He almost hesitated. He could feel her eyes on him as he slipped in quietly and stood in the back, trying to pick up where the case currently stood. But he made sure he stayed far away from her. If she had been more approachable, less iron, Kate might have felt she could go to her Captain with her case and there might have been an entirely different situation right now. Of course, Kate didn't deal in 'what if's', Rick reminded himself. She would tell him it was a waste of time to think that way. It was. She was right.

"Uh, Jordan," Rick spoke up, an idea suddenly occurring to him.

"Castle?" Shaw turned to him with a raised eyebrow.

"If Maddox is working for the Dragon."

"Dragon?"

"What's what we call him," Rick gave a blank expression. Shaw indicated he should carry on. "I was just thinking, if Maddox is working for the Dragon, and Lockwood worked for the Dragon, would it make sense they would have some of the same known associates?"

"We never knew Lockwood's associates either," Ryan spoke up.

"Right," Rick agreed. "But he was military right? And we know Maddox is military. He has to be. Kate said he fought like he was Special Forces. So if they're both in the military, then maybe the Dragon is or was also military. That's how they could know each other. That's how he could be recruiting."

Esposito gave a 'maybe' expression. Gates stared. Ryan looked thoughtful.

"Run it," Jordan ordered. "It's worth checking out." She suggested what criteria her agent manning a computer keyboard should use to cross-reference.

That made Rick feel a little better. He was at least contributing.

**6**

"He's not happy," Maddox spoke from the darkness and startled Kate. She had been alone for a long time. Enough time to make her wonder if they were coming back for her, and whether there was any way out of the restraints. There wasn't, and she was pretty sure she had cut her wrists trying. The chair was even too sturdy for her to try and break without tipping herself over. She had called out to Rick a few times, but quietly, in case there was someone else there keeping an eye on her. She was afraid of incurring wrath, not on herself, but on Rick. He didn't answer her anyway.

"I've told you everything I know," Kate told Maddox firmly, her voice steady. "So let Rick go. It's me your boss wants. He can have me."

Maddox stepped into the light and gave a slight laugh. "How so very chivalrous. But no. You don't get to make deals. You're not in the position." He got in close, kneeling in front of her. "You're not even in a position to bargain."

Kate spat in his face. She shouldn't have, she knew that, but she was so angry there was no other way to retaliate; it was a reaction. Maddox stood swiftly and struck her hard across the face. She did tip over sideways this time and with nothing to break her fall but her face, she turned her head to make sure she didn't land on it and break her nose. Instead, the side of her skull struck the concrete hard. Lights bloomed behind darkened vision. Dust swam up her nose. A metallic taste flooded the back of her throat. And all Kate could do was lie there on an aching shoulder and hope that once they were done with her they wouldn't get a chance to get to Rick. She had to believe someone would come looking for him. He had a daughter, someone to miss him.

Two sets of hands lifted Kate back into position. Her head swam under the change of pressure, worse when she shifted her gaze to check on that spot where Rick was. Not that she could see him. Lights flashed in front her eyes again. She had probably given herself a concussion. Nausea rolled over her in a strong wave, as if it knew what symptoms she was looking for next. Kate spat blood to the right and took a deep breath. Her eyes seemed better focussed now.

Maddox was standing to the left, at the edge of the light. He was wiping his face clean with what looked like a small white handkerchief. When he was finished it looked like he gave it to someone, but it was hard to tell. Maddox approached her again. "Now," he gazed down at her, eyes cold and dark again. "Let's both agree to not do that again." His tone was steely, barely veiled anger.

Kate just stared at him. Like he said, she was in a losing position. Why would she cooperate now when she had nothing to gain? Not a thing. Oh Rick. Well, all she could do for Rick was stall. But she wasn't even sure that would do any good.

"Tell me about Montgomery."

"Montgomery?" Kate asked, suitably confused to break her death stare.

"Your former Captain? Had an unfortunate run in with a colleague of mine."

Kate grimaced. "What about him?" She grit out. She was getting tired of the long winded questioning. Why not just ask her direct questions? And why wasn't Maddox... being more insistent? She would have expected pain persuasion. Her stomach quivered in fear for Rick. Ok maybe no pain was a good thing. Tell that to her head.

"What did he put in the file?"

"I don't know."

"How long did he have the file?"

"I don't know," Kate repeated.

"When did he send the file?"

"I'm not sure you're listening to me," Kate responded sharply. "I don't know. I don't know anything about the file!"

Maddox stared at her and Kate suddenly realised, the Dragon was more desperate to know about the file and recover it, than he was about ending her life. She figured the priorities had changed. Before they knew about the file, Kate was the number one problem. But now, all of a sudden, the file had changed the tables. The file was potentially more damning than she was alive. She could only ever tickle them at the edges; a nuisance. The file was a genuine threat. Whoever had it could expose the Dragon for who and what he really was.

Kate was suddenly incredibly grateful to Montgomery for that file. But where was it?


	7. Chapter 7

Water patrol didn't find a body. Diver's didn't find anything interesting. That didn't mean Kate wasn't there. It only meant they hadn't found her. But Rick refused to believe Maddox would have just killed her and dumped her body. If he had bothered to snatch her like he had, then he must want something with her. Otherwise, he could have just driven by and shot her from the window. The vehicle had only confirmed Kate was in it; they'd found some of her hairs. There were no prints from anyone else, no evidence of anything else. Another search was running in the background, gathering information on all the commanding officers Lockwood and Maddox had shared, another was compiling more information about the other soldiers and units the men had served with/in.

They were running two cases simultaneously: the first was to find Kate. The second was to find the Dragon.

Rick was exhausted. His lids were heavy and he was fighting desperately to stay awake. He had gone back to silent observation because with all those toys he didn't really have much else he could contribute. Most of the other agents, as well as officially reinstated Esposito, and Ryan, were watching computer screens or making phone calls. Jordan had gone to call her daughter and check up on the case she was supposed to be working in Jersey, the one that was now running on a skeleton crew because she had siphoned her resources into finding Kate. Rick owed her a massive debt. Massive.

Gates had been coming and going, checking up on the cases. She had allowed extra police officers to also be redirected but mostly, the leg work was being done by a machine. Rick was awake enough, however, to realise she wanted to talk to him about something, but was waiting for the right moment. Probably waiting until she could corner him alone. So he stayed in the room with everyone else. He was really not in the mood for thinking about anything else but how to find Kate (he had seriously no idea) or the Dragon (he felt more confident on that one. Plus, he figured if they found the Dragon then that would open up the chances of finding Kate).

Rick wondered what had happened to 'the file'. If it was not at Smith's office, Maddox must have found it and taken it. Which meant that he _had_ taken Kate to just kill her. What else would he want with her? If he killed Kate, it all stopped with her (although if he did, Rick was going to make it his life mission to hunt the bastard down and kill him). Rick was pretty sure even if Kate was forced to talk, she couldn't tell Cole Maddox anything he wanted to hear. She didn't have new information. She didn't even know this investigation was going on right now. She didn't know they were coming for her.

'_Hold on Kate. Please_.'

What was Maddox thinking? Rick took a moment to run it through his mind. He wants Kate, because the Dragon wants Kate, and Maddox works for the Dragon. Kate has been a pain in the ass investigating her mother's case, which lead her to the Dragon. She has so far discovered there is a Dragon, but doesn't know who he is. She only knows he's connected to her mother's case because he ordered her death. He is someone in a position of power, someone out of reach. Like the President. Rick almost chuckled. No way was that possible. (Seriously, that just couldn't be possible). It wasn't the mayor, of that he was certain. So that left... A business man with military connections or... Someone in a government department. Or someone in politics... But that was going off on a tangent. He could worry about the Dragon once he got Kate back.

Rick cleared his mind and started over. Maddox wanted Kate because the Dragon wanted Kate. The Dragon wanted Kate dead, he had made that clear, by putting a bullet in her heart. So technically, Kate should be dead about now. Rick felt his bowels loosen, and pushed the fear to the side. If he wanted her dead though, he could have just shot her and left her body on the street. He could have just shot her and left her anywhere really. Unless he wanted to keep her body. But what for? That didn't make sense. Maddox and the Dragon were all about sending a message and Kate's body would be a really loud one for all to hear. So, Rick figured, if Kate were dead, her body would have been found by now, to warn them all off pursuing the Dragon.

So that meant Kate had to be alive. Which meant Maddox must need her for something. Unless he was particularly sadistic... Rick shook that thought loose too. No, if he had wanted her to suffer he wouldn't have used a sniper rifle; he would have snatched her back then, tortured her, and dumped her body somewhere public. There was leaving her dangling from a roof but Rick suspected that was more about her thinking about what she had got herself into than making her suffer.

So what did Maddox want with Kate? What good was she to him?

Rick though for a moment, rubbing his fingers into his tired eyes. It was late. Really late. Oh Alexis! Rick pulled his phone from his pocket and speed dialled her cell. She answered almost immediately. "Hey pumpkin. Sorry I'm late home. I got caught up..." He hesitated.

"In a case?" Alexis finished for him. "I figured. That's ok."

"Have you eaten?"

"It's nearly midnight. Of course I've eaten."

"Right."

"Are you ok Dad?"

"Yeah?" Rick asked surprised.

"Look about Kate. I know I didn't exactly act thrilled earlier but I am happy for you."

"It's ok," Rick told her. "It's ok. It doesn't matter. I know you just want what's best for me."

"I just worry sometimes."

"I know," Rick soothed. "It's ok. You should get to bed."

"I am in bed."

Wow he was so not thinking properly. He needed to go to sleep himself.

"Are you going to be home soon?"

"Uh maybe."

"Or are you, you know, going to sleep over at Kate's?"

He hadn't thought of that. "Maybe," he lied. Lied!

"It's ok if you are."

"I'm not really sure what's happening yet."

"Oh ok."

Silence.

"Oh hey Dad?"  
"Yeah?"

"There's a package for you downstairs."

"A package?" Rick asked half-heartedly.

"Yeah but it's weird because there's no postage stamp on it. Someone must have hand delivered it. Were you expecting something?"

"No," Rick responded absently. Wait. "What kind of package pumpkin?"

"A file. It's pretty thick. It looks like when you get a manuscript returned."

Rick sat up straighter in his seat, his heart suddenly beating a little harder, waking him up. Surely not. It couldn't be. But it could be. "Is it downstairs?"

"Yeah it's on the pile. Do you want me to go and see what it is?"

"No!" Rick said more forcefully. He heard Alexis startle on the other line. Ryan turned his attention in Rick's direction, then gave Esposito a nudge and he too lifted his head. "No I'll come and take a look at it."

"You sound weird. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah sure," Rick half laughed. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"It's not like... A postal bomb or something is it?"

"What?" Rick laughed again. "Of course it isn't. I forgot, I _was_ expecting something today. And it's kind of important, so I'll come home now and get it ok? Just go to sleep pumpkin."

"Ok," Alexis said, sounding unsure and suspicious. "Good night Dad."

"Night sweetheart," Rick smiled into the phone.

"What's going on?" Ryan asked as he hung up.

Rick got to his feet. "Who wants to give me a ride home?"

**7**

It was an open backhand but it still stung like a bitch. Kate's head whipped sharply to the side from the force of it and she felt the stinging warmth of skin against hers. Maddox was finally starting to lose it. As far as Kate could tell, he had messed up. He didn't have 'the file', he couldn't find it at Smith's place and so now he was under pressure. He was also somehow convinced that Kate knew what was in 'the file' or its location and so after he had been nice about it he was now trying to beat the answers out of her. Maddox got in close and wrenched Kate's head back by her hair, making the tears swimming in her eyes overflow into the creases of her skin. But she wasn't crying. She was not.

"Where?" Maddox demanded, his face a scary fierce scowl. Kate merely attempted to shake her head. Maddox gave her hair another sharp pull with a growl of frustration and moved away again, behind her. She realised two other things: the first was that Maddox had stopped all references to Rick and she had not heard him having his toes cut off. She wasn't quite sure what that meant, if they were doing something else to him or had taken him away, but it made her feel marginally better, that not knowing was better than knowing for sure; that gave her a chance for hope.

And the other thing was, Maddox was getting increasingly desperate. He did not have 'the file'. And that meant 'the file' could be anywhere right now. _That_ meant, there was a very slim chance that Rick (assuming he wasn't also tied and gagged somewhere with one of Maddox's henchmen) or someone else (probably Ryan, if he didn't hear from her soon) would be able to figure out where it was and get to it first. And that gave Kate even more hope.

**7**

Rick opened his apartment door and went straight for the piano, where Alexis would leave mail for him to find later. Ryan and Esposito were with him, hands near weapons, gazes searching the room quickly. Rick just had eyes for the large yellow envelope. He grabbed it up, knocking other smaller, white envelopes to the floor. The address was handwritten. No return address, no stamps, no postmark. Rick pried the end open and tipped the envelope up. Into his waiting hand slid a stack of papers bound by a large thick green rubber band. It _was_ his manuscript. Disappointment didn't even begin to cover how he felt right then. It was stupid of him to think...

"Sorry bro," Esposito said quietly. His dark eyes were mournful. Rick slid the papers back into the envelope and slapped it down on the polished piano lid. Ryan stooped to pick up the fallen mail and handed the stack to Rick. Rick gave a mumbled 'thanks' and turned to toss the envelopes aside. But there was something bulky under his palm. He pulled the offending envelope free. It was white like the others, but also hand addressed, this time, with stamps. There was clearly something inside that was not a piece of paper.

"Careful," Ryan warned as Rick went to tear it open.

Rick felt up the envelope. "It feels like a key," excitement laced his voice again, pushing back the fact that he was way over due for bed time. He got that feeling. That funny feeling that said he was on to something. With Esposito and Ryan watching closely, Rick tore the end off of the envelope and tipped it up. Into his palm fell a key. Rick snatched it into the light and studied it. It was a golden colour. Small. Thin, with sharp edges cut into the length. There was nothing engraved on it. No other identifying marks.

When he looked up Ryan and Esposito were grim. "Let's get that back to the precinct," Ryan suggested.

"Let me just say goodnight to Alexis," Rick responded.

**7**

Rick went over and over the key on the ride back to the precinct. Ryan called ahead to Shaw to update her, and she was getting scanning equipment brought in so they could run the key through yet another database. Esposito and Rick mused over what the key could be for and who it was from. Bus and gym locker were ruled out; it was simply the wrong design. It looked more like a mail box key or possibly an apartment key. And as for who sent it, they kept going back to one person: Smith. With no evidence to definitively confirm he had sent the key, it was a gut instinct guess. But who else would it be? Who else would randomly send someone a key? They had brought the envelope to compare handwriting (Shaw had another computer database for that too).

Gates was still at the precinct when the boys got back, though most of the other police officers had gone. Rick suddenly realised how tired the Captain looked. He handed over the key and envelope and when the searches were running he went to get coffee. He made a string for Ryan, Esposito, Shaw and a handful of other agents who were staying behind another few hours. They would be relieved sometime in the morning so that there was a twenty-four hour vigil. "I heard you're a whizz with the coffee machine."

Rick turned. Gates. Just as he suspected. He had a cappuccino waiting for her and handed it over without a word. The last coffee, triple strength, was for him. "Thank you," Gates said. She took up a position to Rick's right, leaning against the bench. She sipped her coffee, watched him work for a moment. Rick waited. She had something to say, he could tell, he could just tell. He had probably picked that up from Kate. She knew when someone was going to spill their guts and when someone needed their story pulled from them one gentle thread at a time.

"You and Beckett," Gates started. Rick turned to her and she raised an eyebrow, everything implied. Rick didn't deny it, which was answer enough. "How long have you been together?"

"Really not that long," Rick responded despondently. Twenty-four hours? Barely.

"But you care about her a great deal."

"I love her," Rick mumbled, avoiding her eye. This was totally weird.

"You know I care about her too. Despite what you probably think. She was my detective. My best detective; probably the best I've ever seen."

Rick looked over at the older woman. Yes, he was surprised. He operated under the assumption she didn't have feelings in there. Gates' gaze was heavy on his, slightly anguished, but there was an underlying strength that reminded him of Kate. And then he got it. They were too alike. Obviously, that's why they clashed. But he hadn't quite realised all the implications of that. The stubbornness. The hints of pain inside, where the strength came from. "You lost someone too?"

Gates gave a quick nod. "My grandfather. Shot on the job. Just didn't come home one night."

Rick nodded. That would be hard. Better or worse than knowing a person you cared about was missing, presumed dead, or at least hurt and completely out of reach?

"New York needs good cops Mr Castle."

Does it ever.

"Good detectives. Great detectives," Gates corrected. "Like Beckett."

Rick dared to give her a quizzical expression. "So why let her go?"

"She quit. I didn't force her out."

Rick's face turned mulish. Well that was true.

"She broke protocol, endangered a fellow officer. I couldn't just let that go."

Yeah Rick got it. Couldn't have one set of rules for Kate, another for everyone else. Oh, he suddenly got it. Gates wanted his... forgiveness? Did she want him to vindicate her actions? He wasn't sure that was his to give.

"Hey Castle," Ryan swung into the break room. He stopped, looked between them, got two expectant expressions in return. "Uh, Agent Shaw has something to show us."

"They key?" Rick ditched his coffee and Gates quickly.

"Uh huh," Ryan responded brightly.

'_Guess that coffee's kicked in_.'

**7**

Kate breathed hard, fighting back the waves of pain. She was in a cold sweat and her insides were on fire. If she didn't have a broken rib before she just might now. Maddox was working over her old bruises but if he thought that was going to get her to spill her guts he was wrong. She had nothing to share. She kept telling him that. But he wasn't listening. She was kind of surprised. Had he really placed all his eggs in one basket? Was he really just relying on her (or Rick. Who knew what they were doing to Rick)?

A cell phone rang. Maddox stepped back, his breath slightly pronounced. Kate tried to steady her lungs, ease the pain every time they expanded. "What?" Cole answered. He listened for a moment and Kate listened to her body. Wrists were aching (each blow made her flinch against the restraints harder), torso was pretty much on fire all over, legs were tight with tension, head was thumping on the right side, cheek was throbbing on the left. She wasn't likely to be able to hold out much longer.

"What do you mean it wasn't there either? Did you look everywhere?"

Kate looked to Maddox's face. Anger. Tight dark eyes. Things were not going well for him at all. But now she knew he was still looking for 'that file' (so she wasn't the only basket. And that made her think of Rick again) and it was still alluding him. She wondered where he was looking. Smith's office had already been cleared. So his apartment? Maybe he had a safety deposit box.

Or what if... what if Ryan and Espo had found it? It was possible. Surely by now they would have figured something had happened to her and Castle. Even if they had left town like he wanted, she would have made sure to tell the guys. She owed them that loyalty. Whatever was said on the phone next had Maddox storming out of the light. This time, Kate heard the thud of a door slamming. She guessed they weren't in a warehouse, based on the amount of time it had taken him to find the exit, and the way the door didn't echo around the space. She wondered where they were. It had to be isolated.

Kate tilted her head back to help blink back a sudden prickle of tears. Now was not the time to lose it. She eased her right wrist slightly. Did that just slide slightly further out of the plastic flexi-cuff?

**7**

"It's a mail box key," Shaw announced, almost with an added 'ta dah!'

Yep Rick was half asleep. That one seemed kind of obvious and he hadn't really clicked while holding the key in his hand. His money had been on safety deposit box.

"For a specific building," Shaw went on, looking a little gleeful and horribly alert for... so early... he had no idea what time it was. "Smith's building," Jordan went on pointedly, as if Rick were slow on the uptake. Apparently he was.

"Oh. Let's go over there then," Rick took a step back towards the door.

"Not so fast Castle," Shaw held up a hand to stop him. "You're not going."

"What?" He protested, indignant. "Of course I'm going."

"No way, uh uh," Shaw shook her head. "You're dead on your feet. No good to me. Get some sleep. We'll wake you if something interesting comes up."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Rick started to complain in earnest.

Shaw got in close. "Rick, it's two thirty in the morning. Take twenty. We'll be back by then."

It was two thirty in the morning? But it had just gone midnight.

Rick sat heavily in one of the chairs. Shaw tapped his shoulder as she went by. Esposito went by silently but Ryan gave Rick's shoulder a slight squeeze as he left, a soft 'sorry'.

Rick wanted to cry.


	8. Chapter 8

They came back with 'the file'. Rick, out of defiance, started out refusing to go to sleep but he made the mistake of letting his eyes drift close, just for a second, because his eyes were burning, but then he was out. When the three FBI agents returned with the two detectives, Rick was slumped in one chair, his legs propped up on another, asleep. "Aw he's like a big teddy bear," Shaw noted as she came in again.

Esposito walked around Castle and tweaked his nose as he did so. Rick startled and sat up, wincing at the crick in his neck, but his attention was on Shaw immediately. "What did you find?"

Shaw held up the manila folder, which was in a plastic evidence bag, and gave it a wave back and forth; she had purple latex gloves on her hands. She slapped the folder down on the table top and everyone still awake crowded in to take a look. "This is what you've been looking for," Jordan told Rick as she slipped 'the file' free and folded back the cover. Rick assumed they had taken a look while at Smith's apartment building. The first thing he saw was newspaper articles, of Montgomery's funeral and Kate's shooting. Smith must have updated it, Rick mused to himself, resisting the urge to reach out and quickly flick through the stack of paper work beneath.

While Shaw's minions took the file apart piece by piece and scanned each page Rick listened to Ryan and Esposito repeating the sequence of events. They secured the lobby of the building as quickly as they could, as quietly as they could. Then they checked the mailbox. The folder was inside, sitting right there for them to take. Once they had that also secured, they headed up to Smith's apartment to see if there was any other evidence. The place had been tossed.

"And I mean trashed bro. Everything was smashed, ripped up," Esposito's face was expressive.

"Maddox," Rick supplied.

"Probably," Shaw mused, watching the smart board (which had arrived several hours ago) fill up with the paperwork from 'the file'.

"So you found nothing?"

"We left a couple of guys there but," Esposito gave a shrug.

"They'd be lucky to find an intact cannonball in that mess," Ryan added.

They sat around the conference table watching photos, more newspaper articles, documents, police reports, financial statements, passport copies and sheets of handwritten notes appear on the plexi-glass board over which Agent Shaw presided. There was so much in there. There had to be absolutely everything they would ever need to bring the Dragon down (not all of it legally attained by the look of it). There was a face to go with that name too. Even better, an actual name.

Rick didn't know where to start. It looked like Shaw didn't either. There was so much... It took more than half an hour to get everything up there. Then she started sorting it. But Rick just stared, fascinated, because here was a man who had started a war. And it was all about to come crashing down around him. He wasn't even surprised to see the Dragon was a former New York Senator. It seemed fitting. Someone powerful and unreachable. It was almost beautiful to see, like watching one of his storyboards coming together, so many different ideas jumbled, but then starting to make sense; Rick was starting to see the bigger picture, a story was beginning to form. He could see how he had come across crooked cops, how he had taken the money, how he had made himself good and powerful friends, people who knew people. It went from there.

And then, oh god Kate!

Rick got to his feet again, exhausted, but renewed and crowded in against Shaw, trying to see better. There had to be clues to her whereabouts within that vast cache of information; some of the files flicked by before he had a chance to see them. The Dragon was not just a politician, he was a businessman. He had resources. There! There was a military uniform, so that confirmed that theory.

"Ok can you sort through and find the financial information, particularly property holdings," Shaw directed from the head of the room, her face a frown of thought. Her people obliged wordlessly from their posts in front of computer screens, against the wall. "We need to look at isolated buildings."

"He would use his own?" Rick murmured.

"This guy is arrogant. He has police Captains murdered and sniper attacks conducted in broad daylight on detectives. He thinks he's untouchable. So he's not going to have a problem using one of his own buildings as an interrogation cell."

Rick swallowed hard. So Shaw had been thinking what he had been thinking; that they must be holding and hurting Kate.

"Cross reference with where the vehicle was dumped," Shaw added. "If they had her on foot, they wouldn't want to be carrying her far. Not in broad daylight. No matter how jumped up this guy is, at least Maddox would be careful."

The FBI forensics team had ruled out evidence of another vehicle at least, so they knew she had been moved on foot. And it _was_ jumped up to carry her around unconscious in the middle of the day.

"Just one possible," Shaw's team leader called out. The information came up on the screen in front of them; a warehouse.

"Too easy," Shaw muttered to herself. She paused for a moment, reading the screen. "What else is nearby?"

"Uh two other possibles," the information joined the smart board.

Rick took a look. An apartment building and another small building that had a business in the ground floor. Not the apartment building. As arrogant as the Senator was, Maddox wouldn't risk involving thirty or so occupants would he? If it were Rick writing this story, the warehouse would be too obvious. It was also further way. The dressmaker's was actually closer, if they went over the fence, across the alley, and into the backyard of the neighbour, then around the front. Given the strength of the men involved, Rick doubted they'd have trouble throwing Kate's light weight over a fence. In the middle of the day though? Maybe. If they had put her in something else. She was small enough to fit into, say, a roll of carpet or something else inconspicuous.

"Ok let's get a team together for the warehouse," Shaw instructed over her shoulder. "Better wake some people up. I want to be down there in no more than an hour." She looked at her watch. "It's already four."

"No," Rick countered. "Maddox will have a small team. Inconspicuous right? He wouldn't be able to control a warehouse as effectively as he would like. And there would be workers there all day. Carrying in an unconscious woman would be a bit out of the ordinary."

"Are you so sure they would bat an eyelid?" Jordan challenged.

"Maybe not. But if they went to the dressmaker's," Rick pointed to the map, a hop, skip and jump from where the SUV was abandoned.

"The dressmaker isn't going to raise an eyebrow at a body?" Esposito cut in.

"No the dressmaker's place has a basement," Rick countered, pointing to a blueprint of the building (seriously the smart board was like the uber-internet). "Concrete. Isolated."

"Still got the dressmaker there. Assuming he or she was working today," Javi added.

"Right. Not that hard to get rid of," Rick went on.

"He or she just abandons their store?" Jordan raised an eyebrow at Rick.

"What if there was a car accident on the street outside? They go out to have a look."

There was silence. Yes it was a stretch.

"Or they go in and pull a gun on the poor guy and he's also down in the basement right now with Kate," Rick added slightly exasperated.

"I'd buy that." Esposito.

"Get a crew together," Jordan shot over her shoulder. "We're going to the dressmaker's in half an hour."

'_Yes!_' Rick thought.

**8**

There were logistics to work out. What else was in the vicinity, if there was a back way out (there was, of course there was. Maddox wouldn't let himself be trapped in there), how they were going to go in, how they were going to control the situation, alerting the neighbours (there was a bakery two doors down and at nearly five in the morning they would most certainly be there). The basement had an external access to the alley, a set of stairs that was meant for easier garbage disposal. Or possibly deliveries. A quick look into the owner of the dressmaker's business revealed he hadn't been seen in two days (which totally meant Maddox had planned the abduction in advance) and his family were worried. They had filed a missing persons report. They were desperate to know if the dressmaker was caught up in whatever the FBI was investigating. It was probably a safe bet that he was.

It took more than half an hour and that was more than enough time for Rick to have doubts. Shaw was sending teams to the other two locations as back up, in case they were wrong, but she was there at the dressmaker's because she also believed that to be the likely location. Still, the back-up teams were enough to make Rick feel nervous too. If they were wrong about this, they could tip Maddox off and Kate could be in more danger. If they tipped Maddox off, it wouldn't just be about getting closer to getting Kate back, but it was essentially showing their entire hand to the Dragon. If Maddox got word back to the Dragon that they had found him, then the Dragon would know they had 'the file'.

Rick could only imagine what would occur next if that happened.

Jordan Shaw had tried talking Castle out of going again. But only half-heartedly and as soon as he had raised an objection, not even a coherent one, she had backed down. She warned him to stay out of the way until the all clear was given and he nodded dutifully, donning his writer's vest and being reminded of all those times Kate had demanded he stay in the damn car while she went off, gun raised. He didn't really intend to stay out of the way and Shaw must have known this too because she assigned someone to stay with him. When they went in, the agent didn't restrain him, just made sure they were between Rick and the action. Just in case.

**8**

Kate felt herself drifting. She wasn't sure she was awake or asleep, conscious or unconscious, dead or alive. She was starting to lose hope. It had been so long. She didn't know exactly, but it felt like she had been there for days. Who knew how long she had been knocked out by the needle from the SUV? She could have been given up on. Could have, though she didn't believe it; Esposito and Ryan would never give up on her. Not even if they were ordered to. She hoped they were talking to each other again.

Kate was hungry and so tired. Her mind was sleepy but her body exhausted and sore. Incredibly sore. She was so drained she couldn't even move anymore. If she were untied right now she'd probably merely slump to the floor and take whatever was coming to her. Maddox had been gone a long time too, though with Kate's distorted sense of time, she wasn't sure how long that was exactly. She suspected he was off following some instruction of the Dragon's and when he came back she would be perfectly primed to tell him once again that she didn't know anything about 'the file' except that it existed. She wished she did have something to tell, so that she could just end this, probably by bullet. There was no way they'd let her go now right? She hoped it would be a bullet.

And as for Rick. Well she hadn't seen him in a long time either and so she suspected he was either already dead (which made it so hard to breathe), because he was of no use to Maddox, or they had taken him somewhere else (better, but still not great. Alexis would be so mad at her). She only hoped that whatever they had done to him had not destroyed him entirely. He was too kind to be broken. Too lovely.

She hoped he would forgive her.

Kate was in the middle of musing how everything had fallen apart in the end and how her father would be devastated to lose her as well as her mother, to the same awful man. That could tip him over the edge again. She was sending him the strength to get through it (and the hope that someone would be there for him) when a loud bang startled her so badly the plastic cuff around her wrists dug into her skin as she tried to involuntarily jump out of the chair. The bang was followed by an even louder bang, so loud it made her ears ring intensely so she could only hear herself breathing (at least now she was sure she was still breathing). There was almost immediately a bright flash. Kate saw nothing as it went off, and nothing after the light had faded. She was blinded and deafened and thought for sure it was the end. When she tasted the bitter artificial smoke she knew it was something else.


	9. Chapter 9

It was like listening underwater. Later, when Rick told her the story, he said he had heroically shoved everyone aside to get to her immediately, but Kate didn't quite remember it that way. She remembered the percussive blast and the blinding light. And while she was thoroughly disorientated by everything she realised someone was grabbing her and pulling her up, while someone else was cutting her free. She couldn't feel her body at that point. She was dragged and she was vaguely aware that someone was talking to her. She couldn't hear what they said.

Then she was in a store, with clothes and mannequins and _that_ was when she saw Rick, rushing towards her, looking half crazed as he knelt in front of her. Somehow she was on the ground and she practically fell into his arms as he grabbed her. His hand soothed and his chest was solid. Kate remembered a sense of relief, but everything was coming at her from so far away. She closed her eyes, realising that if Rick was there then she had to be safe, and he had to be safe. When she woke up again she was in a hospital. And Rick was still right there with her.

"Hey," she greeted him, that overwhelming feeling of warmth and relief at seeing him.

Rick had been staring absently at the floor but his head came up quickly. His expression went quickly from surprise to relief. Kate reached out her hand, smiled, and Rick slid his large fingers into hers. It looked like his eyes were a little watery. "Hey," he nearly whispered.

"You're here," Kate murmured.

"Yeah I'm here."

"You're ok?"

"I'm ok? You're ok."

Kate couldn't feel much of her body but when she shifted a little where she lay, she felt everything. Her head, her cheek, her ribs, her wrists. "What's the damage?"

"Bruises, cuts, nothing broken," but Rick's voice wavered.

"How long was I gone?"

"About fifteen hours."

Was that all?

"It felt longer."

Rick nodded. "Kate," he leaned forward urgently. "We got him. We got him, Kate."

"Maddox?"

"No. Not Maddox. The Dragon Kate," his eyes were earnest.

She closed her lids, her head swimming for a moment. She wasn't sure what to think.

"Kate?" Rick whispered. "Are you ok? Shall I get a doctor?"

She opened her eyes again, gave him a reassuring squeeze with her fingers. "No, I'm ok," she murmured. "Tell me about it later ok?"

"Uh, ok," Rick agreed but it was obvious he was surprised and confused.

"I want to know you're ok."

"I am ok Kate. I'm fine. I was worried about you but I'm fine. Everything's ok now," his voice was low and soothing.

"But," Kate frowned. "You weren't hurt?"

"No," Rick shook his head, the confusion still on his face. "How could I be hurt? I was nowhere near there."

"You weren't there?"

"No." A pause. "You thought I was there?"

"I saw you."

"No," Rick shook his head again. "I wasn't there. I was at the twelfth, helping to find you."

So then who was it she had seen? Or what? She had seen something. Maddox had shown her explicitly. She hadn't imagined it. But if it wasn't Rick then it was just an illusion, a good one, on Maddox's part, meant to screw with her. And she had totally fallen for it.

"They just took you," Rick went on and told her his side of the story from the moment they had parted company.

"You called in Shaw?"

"Yeah," Rick gave a confident nod.

"I called her earlier."

"When?"

"To run that number for me."

Rick shifted his chair closer a little. Well that would help explain why Shaw came as soon as he called. She was already in on it.

"Is she still here?"

"No she had to leave. She was in the middle of a case."

"I owe her one."

Rick didn't respond. Settled again in his seat, he brought up his left hand to hers and smoothed his thumb over her skin. "I was so scared."

"I know," Kate told him. "Me too." Rick's face went stricken. "Come here," Kate demanded lightly. She pulled on his hands as he stood, bringing him in closer and raised a hand to draw in his head so she could kiss him. She felt the little huff of Rick's delight against her mouth. He was gentle with her but there was still a sharp stab of pain and Kate turned her head. "Ow," she breathed.

Rick's eyes were concerned. Kate brought fingers to her lip, feeling the split skin. "Yeah kissing me can sometimes be a bit intense," Rick quipped and sat back. Kate managed a smile.

"No one else was hurt?" She asked.

"No. Well, the owner of the dressmaking business is still missing," Rick looked a little down cast.

"Tall guy?"

"Uh yeah."

"I think he was there." Kate told him her side of the story. Between them both, they filled in the timeline properly. Kate ducked her gaze for a moment, her heart heavy. "Did you really get him?"

Rick blinked at her for a moment. "Yes. He's a former Senator."

Kate felt heavier. She had missed it then. All of that time and effort and heartache, and she had missed the most crucial moment. Yes, she had chosen to walk away but as soon as she had, everything came undone. Like it was just waiting for her to give up.

"Shaw has agent's watching him right now," Rick's eyes widened in excitement as he went on.

"Wait," Kate interrupted. "You haven't arrested him yet?"

"No. We're waiting for you."

Kate wanted to kiss him again but if she even breathed too hard she ached. There was no way she could manage lunging for him. "You waited for me?" Her voice sounded small and vulnerable even to herself.

"Yeah," Rick confirmed softly. "It wouldn't be right if you weren't there. Shaw has people watching him. She has other people going through 'the file'. She has another case to wrap up and it's kind of delicate timing but if you're up for it..."

"I'm up for it," Kate started to sit.

"Then Shaw said you can make the arrest," Rick finished. He stood and helped Kate sit, warning her to take it easy. She shot him a partial glare; what did he think she was doing? "The FBI will take custody but Jordan said you should take the credit."

Kate panted to ease away the pain. Her ribs were killing her. "Are you sure nothing's broken?"

"Not broken," Rick said quietly. "Badly bruised but not broken." He hovered protectively.

"Am I allowed out of here?" Kate looked up at him.

"Yeah the doctor was optimistic about discharging you later. So long as you don't suddenly take a turn for the worse." Kate half raised an eyebrow. "You know, start bleeding out of your ears or something."

Kate wanted to laugh, but seriously, she was in pain.

"Hey sleeping beauty is awake," Ryan said as he and Esposito came into Kate's room.

"Bout time," Esposito added.

Kate gave them a slight smile of greeting, noting that Esposito had his badge on its chain around his neck. It gave her a sense of relief.

"Hey so Shaw was wondering how you're doing?" Kevin went on, his eyes going to Rick's who gave a nod. Yes, he'd talked to her about it already.

"I'm fine guys," Kate told them.

"Cos things are progressing our end right on schedule," Javier added. "Unless you're not up for it? Maybe you wanna take a few more days to lie around in bed?"

"Oh I am up for it," Kate responded confidently. "If you perves could maybe give me some privacy to get dressed."

Esposito scoffed and turned for the door. "As if we'd be looking."

"Married," Ryan waved his left hand as he also turned away. "Not interested."

They both trooped out and Kate turned to Rick. She gripped his hand and saw he was smiling. "Good to see some things haven't changed," Rick said.

"Rick," Kate started.

"Oh yeah, Esposito got reinstated. I think he's got a warning on his file or something but..."

"No not that. I can't make the arrest."

"Sure you can. We'll get you some really good pain meds," he wiggled his eyebrows at her. "You know, the _really_ good ones."

"No Castle, I'm not a cop remember?"

He stared at her for a moment. As if he had forgotten. He _had_ forgotten. "You can talk to Gates."

"No," Kate shook her head.

"She likes you a lot you know."

Kate's eyebrow went up in surprised disbelief. "Are you kidding me?"

"I'm not," Rick answered seriously. "She... told me."

"What was the hesitation for?"

"It was kind of strange actually. But she said you were one of the best detectives she'd ever seen. I think she was going to tell me she wanted you back," Rick surmised. Kate gave a scoff. "No really." He realised that was why Gates had come to tell him Kate had resigned. And why she had come to tell him how highly she rated Detective Beckett. She wanted him to talk Kate into asking for her job back.

"I don't think Gates would be interested in backing down," Kate started to protest.

"Don't assume too much Detective without evidence to back up your theory," Gates said from the doorway.

Rick felt Kate's hand tighten on his arm for a second. He wondered if that was the surprise or some sort of fear. He certainly felt like the teacher had just busted him for talking about her and saying mean things. Gates met Rick's eye and he turned to Kate. "Let me go find the doctor," he muttered and started to move away. Kate's hand lingered on his, as if it were saying 'no don't leave me', but he kept moving and quickly. Then he stood outside the door and listened.

Gates said something about having no idea so much was going on in her own precinct without her knowledge. She mentioned 'the file', all those years of detective work. Kate explained 'the file', which she still hadn't seen, wasn't actually her work. Gates said Ryan and Esposito had apprised her of what was in 'the file', what Kate had discovered herself, and how involved the guys had become since working with her on her mother's case a few years ago.

"And Castle," Kate added. "He made the initial breakthrough that led us to Coonan."

Gates said something Rick didn't quite catch. Possibly something about underestimating him, which would have made him smile if he weren't distracted by an overhead announcement. He missed the rest of Gates' dialogue. Kate said Rick had an amazing mind for details and that had become an absolutely integral part of her team. Rick could totally picture Gates' expression after that comment; pursed lips, staring black eyes.

"He'd make a terrible cop," Gates said next and Kate laughed. And then to Rick's shock, so did Iron Gates!

"His heart is in the right place," Kate said.

"I can see that," Gates admitted. "He'd be welcome at the twelfth anytime." And then they talked about why Kate had quit and what would bring her back. She talked a little about dishonouring the badge, repeating what she had told Rick just yesterday (seriously, had it only been yesterday?), but she also added that she felt like she had lost control of herself and that she had no business being in a precinct if she was going to behave like that. She had been there before, it wasn't fair to do that again. She felt some time away from being a detective would be a good idea. Look at the mess she had got herself in.

Gates said she saw a driven and brilliant detective who thought she could carry a case on her own without the support of her Captain. Rick could imagine Kate looking away in shame. She didn't hang her head like most people, she looked away to the side, avoiding the eye, but still retaining a little defiance. He liked that fierceness about her. Gates also told Kate that if she needed time off she could take it and that if she wanted her badge back, it would be there waiting for her. But for now, the paperwork for her resignation hadn't gone through and so, if she were present while executing an arrest warrant that afternoon, it wouldn't be illegal, just maybe a little fuzzy.

Kate thanked the Captain and the Captain said she was glad Kate was ok. Gates told her to think about her badge but not to leave it too long. Kate said she wouldn't. Rick heard the older woman approaching the door and startled away a few steps. "Mr Castle," Gates said before she had even left the room. Rick waited for her to approach him. "Did you hear most of that?"

"Uh yeah most of it."

Gates gave a firm nod, her dark brown eyes steady on his and again, he got the impression that she was relying on him to talk Kate into taking her job back. Pretty presumptuous. Also accurate.

Gates walked away and Rick headed back into Kate's room. She was pushing back the covers, wincing as she did so. Rick hurried to her side, helping with the blanket. "Want to wait for the doctor to give you the all clear?"

Kate shook her head, gritting her teeth. "No," she huffed, letting her feet drop over the side of the bed. "I have an arrest to gate crash."

"What are you going to do about your job Kate?" Rick helped move her legs. Yes, he let his hands linger a while on her thighs.

Kate looked up at him. "Think about it." But she was not missing that arrest. She really could not go through all of that only to miss the ultimate moment. She was aware of what she had told Rick, the promise to walk away but... He would understand this right?


	10. Chapter 10

Kate finally, finally, got to take a look at that 'file'. Thirteen years of her life culminated in a one inch thick folder. Rick took her through it, showing her the financial records Montgomery had obtained through legal and illegal searches of databases he didn't have warrants to be snooping through. But he had been thorough, tracking the payoff money from accounts to businesses and back and forth to offshore accounts and business ventures. The money had paid for men, for weapons, for power. A military career was turned into a successful political one, at least on the surface. Montgomery had also tied several bodies down to the Senator, his evidence patchy in places, mostly presumptuous but at least logical and the work of a good detective. Even if the file wasn't hard facts and a solid case, it would be damning in the media at least. And the Senator would still have a lot of explaining to do.

What Shaw and her team was actually working towards pinning the Senator with was the murders of Kate's mother, the other lawyers involved in cleaning up the Heights, plus the sniper attack on Kate and her recent abduction. There was, at least, solid evidence for those cases. And that was at least something. Kate was getting her vindication. That felt good. And there was a way to keep Montgomery out of it, to once again twist his involvement back to the official story: that he had died a hero taking down a villain. No one else needed to know more than that. Kate wasn't even sure Gates knew the whole truth. As it was, it was just Ryan, Esposito, Rick, herself and now Shaw who knew the real truth of it. It was tenuous, but it was holding. (Sometimes Kate felt a slippery panic that everything was falling out of her grasp and she was scared it would all come undone but Shaw assured her, gave her personal promises; all Kate could do was trust.)

Maddox had escaped the round up at the dressmaker's place. He was not there when the team arrived earlier that morning, but they did get three other hired men. They were refusing to talk or deal but it didn't matter. There was enough concrete evidence to charge them. The only frustrating part was not having Maddox. Not only did he pull the trigger on that sniper rifle a year ago, and abduct Kate and assault her, he also had direct contact with the Senator. He could tip him off at any moment. If he had merely gone to ground, which is what it seemed he had done, then it would be a matter of time before the Senator realised something had gone wrong and his hired killer had abandoned him. And if Maddox had gone to ground, then the Senator could probably assume Kate was back in safe hands. The Senator had lost.

Kate discharged herself from the hospital against her physician's wishes, who wanted to keep her until at least that evening, tomorrow morning would have been better. But despite a flicker of trepidation, Kate was determined and energised; she wanted to be there for that arrest. She owed thirteen years of her life and her mother that moment. Then she could put it all to rest and be with Rick. Rick who was so sweet and caring and loyal; who she loved. Oh god how she loved him. When he asked her 'where to?' she had directed him to the cemetery.

He was meeting her mother for the first time. Not literally, because she was, uh, dead, but this was the first time Kate had taken him to her mother's grave. It was, in fact, a rare moment that she had even mentioned it to him or hinted at it or... let him be a part of it. Her mother's death had almost always been restricted between them to a case file with crime scene photos. Kate stood quietly near the gravestone. Rick watched her silently. She seemed peaceful but in thought; perhaps she was talking to her mother? After a moment she stepped back, turned and walked back to where he waited. She slipped her arm into his and leaned against him. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of him centre her again. He pressed a kiss against her hair. They had things they needed to talk about, to work out, but not yet. And he wasn't pushing. She loved that he didn't push. Even now, he just got it, without her saying a word (being at her mother's grave and also, her mother's case).

"I wish you could have met my Mom. She would have really liked you," Kate said softly.

Rick shifted so he could take her hand within his fingers. "I would really like to have met her," he murmured.

Kate gave his fingers a squeeze. She turned her head and looked up at him. She gave him a smile and leaned in to kiss. Rick felt his heart flutter; he still wasn't used it. He kissed her back softly hoping he never got used to it. When they pulled apart Kate's eyes were so full of happiness Rick's breath stuttered again. "Let's go home," she suggested.

"Home," Rick repeated. "Whose home?"

Kate gave him a little mischievous expression. "Yours." She watched him as they went back to his place. She still had a bag of clothes there and it was hard to believe that it was twenty-four hours ago that she was waking up in his bed for the first time.

Kate had a shower, suffering through the sting of warm water against her abrasions. The worst were her wrists, where the plastic cuff had cut into her skin. But she also felt reaction in her hair and when she gingerly washed it, blood came away. As she dried off in the mirror she caught the horrendous abuse of her ribs, old bruises buried under new. She wondered again how nothing could be broken. As she dried her hair in the mirror with a blow dryer, she studied the blooming bruise on her cheek; her badge for looking the devil in the eye and not flinching.

Once Kate was dressed and feeling just that little bit more human (coffee was going to help with the rest of it), she let Rick dress her wrists again and then they went to the precinct. Ryan had her badge; Esposito a proud grin, but while Rick talked her through the file they went back to helping Shaw with the case. Kate reached out to place her hand over Rick's and he looked at her, his eyes holding her gaze easily. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say. He had saved her life, two-fold, by calling Shaw and then by figuring out the dressmaker's. "Ready to do this?" He asked her instead.

"I think so."

Rick raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to. You can _not_..."

"I do," Kate countered. "It's just... a little... bittersweet."

"Bittersweet?" Rick repeated. He turned in his chair so he was facing towards her. They were in the break room, seeing as the conference room was still being overrun with FBI agents preparing for a major takedown.

"All those years I worked on this case and I never cracked it."

Rick's eyes went just a little wider in what Kate recognised as his disbelief face. "That's not true. Kate, all those years you spent looking into this case... You brought it wide open. You were the one who took a second and third and fourth look at a cold case."

"And it was you who took the case to your friend who compared the knife wounds..."

"And I would never have stolen the file to make the comparison in the first place if it weren't for you."

"Nice try Rick. You only stole the case file because we _happened_ to meet."

"Then it was fate," Rick told her firmly.

Kate stumbled for a second. Fate? Really? She wasn't even sure she believed in fate but... She didn't believe in coincidences either but... How else did she explain what had happened? A chance meeting on a routine murder investigation and Rick had seen something in her he wanted more of. He had insisted on following her around. He had made her fall in love with him. No, it wasn't fate, it was Richard Castle.

"You got Coonan," Rick went on. "You got the man who killed your mother. And now you're going to get the man who ruined your life." His voice was low and urgent, his eyes intense and Kate shivered. Then she leaned forward to kiss him, brushing her lips against his, before she realised with a flood of embarrassed heat to her cheeks where she was. She pulled away again, a little quickly; she hoped he wasn't offended by that. When Kate saw his face again it was pure surprise.

He tried so hard for her. She wondered how badly he wanted to touch her or kiss her; she could see the twitch of his fingers, the tremor of his shoulders. She suddenly realised how badly she had missed him. She took her hand back and took a moment to get hold of herself against the rush of feeling a simple kiss like that evoked. She couldn't wait to go home with him again, to cuddle up in bed (she definitely wasn't up for much more than that right now, her body would never forgive her) and just be with him. And so it dawned on her that her mother's case wasn't the centre of her world anymore. She could see around it, and beyond it the sun was shining. She felt a flutter in her heart; her life was starting over again. She was getting a second chance to do it better. She had spent too much time wrapped up in something terrible. The resolution was satisfying (well it would be when those cuffs clamped coldly around wrists) and she was glad for it, but mostly she was glad for it so she could finally move on. She was ready to. And she was ready to do it with Rick.

"I can't believe you just kissed me at work," Rick stage whispered. Kate gave him a smile and the warmth that flooded his eyes made her feel giddy. "What if someone saw?" He gave a mock gasp.

"Let them see," Kate responded. She opened her mouth to tell him she loved him, finally unafraid to say it aloud but they were interrupted by a voice at the door.

"There's the walking wounded." Shaw. She crossed the room smartly and Kate got to her feet slowly, feeling every pull of her muscles. They shook hands in greeting.

"Thank you for saving my life," Kate told her, feeling a little awkward. She liked Shaw. She looked up to Shaw.

Shaw gave a 'no big deal' shrug. "That's quite the shiner," she indicated Kate's cheek. "How are you doing?"

Kate felt the brunt of the scrutinising gaze and took it, while answering that she was sore but just fine. Jordan said they were ready to go and Kate felt a spasm of her stomach. She had a name. She knew his face. Now she was going to meet the man himself.

**10**

Rick kept stealing glances at Kate as they rode over to the Senator's office. Something had come over her and he couldn't help but stare. She was so determined but so beautiful with it. Dignified despite it all. He admired her and he wanted to be near her. He was just so in awe. She was going to say something back in the break room, something meaningful, he could tell, but they were interrupted and that sucked. He was going to ask her about it later (that list was getting quite intese). e hoped she

He hoped she would answer; she seemed willing to answer, to talk about things. She was still opening up to him, despite the last twenty-four hours. Or maybe because of them. But that only made Rick marvel some more. No matter what was thrown at her, Kate took it in her stride, it made her stronger. Even as she talked about insecurities she was strong; Rick probably would have been falling apart about now.

From somewhere inside, Kate found the strength to ride up in the elevator crammed full of cops and FBI agents (Ryan and Esposito were there with them) and walk tall through the office door of the man who had stolen one of the most precious gifts from a person's life: their mother.

Before they left, Kate called her father. She told him they were on their way to make an arrest. It was finally on its way to being over. Her father had been stunned. He hadn't said much. But neither had Kate. She was already shifting into that zone. Now was not the time to fall apart and grieve. They would give the wounds the proper care to heal, but right now, there was one more battle to be had.

Kate didn't falter as the Senator looked up from his desk, amused, smug, his face punchable. He knew exactly who she was; had probably figured it was just a matter of time before he met her. She strode right up to him, face deadly serious, slapped the warrant down under his nose and told him he was under arrest. Behind Kate, Rick stood at her shoulder, Ryan and Esposito were on her other side. Shaw right there with them. The troop of cops and FBI agents fanned out around the room, started taking it apart, started taking people into custody.

"Arrest for what Detective Kate Beckett?"

There was something in his tone that made Rick want to strangle him.

"Conspiracy to murder," Kate started rattling off the list. She didn't even hesitate under the use of her name. As far as Rick was aware, she had only glanced over the warrant and she already had it memorised. As she kept going through to the money laundering and finally the end of the warrant, the former Senator's face went from that falsely pleasant to steely cold and Rick caught a glimpse of the man who had really done all those terrible things. That was a man who did not care about anyone but himself. Not in a vain and desperate kind of way. In a calculating and practised way. That was a man who didn't have feelings.

When Kate reached the end of her list the Senator's eyes were boring into hers and she didn't look away. She signalled with a hand and Ryan and Esposito stepped forward to do the honours. Shaw loudly directed her team to take everything. Kate continued to stare down the man across his desk as Esposito demanded he turn around. Ryan started reading the Miranda rights while Esposito slapped on steel cuffs. The Senator didn't say a word or stop the mental showdown with Kate. Rick watched them both, amazed, impressed, his chest fluttering with all kinds of pride and admiration.

"We'll take it from here," Shaw signalled her own agents who stepped up to Ryan, Esposito and the Senator. They grabbed him by the upper arms and started manhandling him toward the door. Shaw turned on a polished pump to face Kate. She raised her eyebrows in that open expression of hers. "And that is that." She gave Kate a quick sympathetic 'good job' kind of expression and walked after her arrest.

Ryan and Esposito approached where Kate continued to stand. They both came in close and sort of put an arm around her and squeezed her shoulder. It was like a tough cop group hug. Kate thanked them casually and two gruff replies came. They turned as a unit to where Rick was standing, watching from the sidelines, not even caring that he was outside their circle, because he was committing all of this to memory. This was meteoric and it was better to stand back and not be involved. If he was involved he would miss something. This was a story he wanted to be able to tell forever.

**10**

Kate reluctantly handed her gun back. It felt like passing over a few of her fingers; her gun was a part of her. Gates took it slowly, as if she were trying to be respectful; or she was minimising movements in case they set Kate off. "You can keep your badge," Gates said as Kate unclipped it from her belt. Kate held it in her hand, looking down at the familiar emblem and numbers, feeling the comforting weight it offered.

"If you want it," Gates added.

Kate looked up at her, holding the older woman's steady gaze. Rick had told her about Gate's grandfather. She didn't seem completely unreachable anymore. Kate put her badge back on her belt.

**10**

Rick sat on the edge of Kate's desk and looked over at her in Gate's office. They were talking but no one was yelling so that had to be a good thing. Ryan and Esposito were throwing a miniature football back and forth while they also talked. Rick wasn't really paying attention to them. He wondered how long it would take him to learn to read lips. That would be a completely cool and useful skill. He was going to look into that when he got home. Or maybe he should develop an app for his phone that could visually record a conversation and then explain what was said.

The ball smacked Castle in the face.

"Sorry bro, thought you were paying attention," Esposito called.

Ryan scooted over to pick the football up from the ground. Gate's office door opened and Kate came striding out. When she saw Rick she broke into a broad smile. Rick got to his feet as she approached. Esposito crowded in, opening his mouth to speak. "Oi you two," Gates called from her office. "Do some work."

Ryan scooted towards his desk, tossing the ball conspiratorially low to Esposito, who had to dip to catch it, and tossed it gently to his desk top when he got back to his own station. "So what happened?" He asked Kate as she went by him.

"Former Senator Bane is talking," Kate revealed, turning on her heels by the boys' desks. Expectant faces met that announcement. "Through his lawyer," she added. Faces fell. "But the FBI are feeling confident, apparently."

"They always are," Javier scoffed.

"Do you think he'll try to deal?" Kevin asked.

"I highly doubt it Rye," Kate told him. "He seems more the 'deny it all' kind of guy." She turned to Rick. "Ready?" She raised an eyebrow as she approached. Rick loved the light in her eyes. He nodded. She took his hand. Took his hand! And reached up, not too far because she was in heels (and he loved that she was so tall and strong and yet without them he was reminded she was tiny and vulnerable. He loved those two sides of her. He probably loved everything about her. He was such a sucker), and kissed him. Kissed him! It was only brief, but it was still there and everyone saw. No verbal announcement needed. Oh so she _was_ totally ok with everyone knowing? Cool.

Rick was a little stunned, totally impressed, completely bowled over by this woman. She stepped away towards the exit and tugged on his fingers to get him moving behind her. He took a numb step after her. And then something soft hit the back of his head hard. He turned back the other way, to his left, so his right hand was still connected to Kate, who was a few paces in front of him now, their arms outstretched. He gave the guys behind him a scowl. Esposito, with a smug expression, was having his his hungry chicken fed by a grinning Ryan. Rick let go of Kate's hand, turned completely, and while still walking backwards, raised both of his hands with the fingers and thumbs grouped together. From the other side of the bullpen Ryan and Esposito simulated feeding their hungry chickens on him.

"Hurry it up Castle!" Kate called from the elevator and Rick turned to keep up. He wasn't sure, but he was pretty sure, he heard the sound of two whips being cracked by apps on smartphone's in the bullpen. Yeah he probably deserved that one. And he so didn't care. He was so going to gloat. First chance he got.

**10**

Rick turned to Kate. "I've always wanted to make out with you in the elevator."

Kate turned to him, slightly amused. Then she lifted up on her toes and pressed her mouth against his again. Rick sighed into her, bringing up his arms to hold her close, gently, but closer. The ride was too short. Kate was already pulling away and stepping out as the doors opened. She looked back and waited for him and he quick stepped it to reach her side. She reached out her hand and he took it and she smiled. Then they walked out to the street together.

**End of Part One**


	11. Chapter 11

**Part Two: I'm Not Doing This Again**

Rick unlocked the door to his apartment and slowly withdrew the key. Kate crowded into his back, pushing but unable to move him. He was taller and heavier and she was weak at the moment, aching. He laughed at her efforts, taking small steps forward. "Move it," Kate demanded.

"Why don't you make me?" Rick suggested but he was already caving, taking larger steps into the loft, letting her guide him with hands at his back. He liked that she touched him. He loved that she kissed him in the elevator on the way up. It was almost like going back to the way things were before... before yesterday afternoon. They were getting to start out again.

"Hey Dad," Alexis greeted from the couch, propped up against the arm, knees up, magazine against her legs.

"Hi pumpkin," Rick smiled in greeting and stepped forward with purpose now, away from Kate, who closed the front door. He had almost entirely forgotten about his daughter with everything going on; he had certainly neglected her. Poor form. "How was your sleep over?"

"So great," Alexis enthused. "We watched old horror movies and ate junk. Hi Kate."

"Hi," Kate responded warmly, coming up behind Rick.

"Wow what happened?" Alexis's face went to concern, her eyes on Kate. Kate brought a hand to her left cheek. Oh yeah...

"Haven't you been watching the news?" Rick answered instead. He walked to the low table in the centre of the space and picked up the remote for the television, clicking it on. He flicked over to a news channel while he took a seat in the middle of the free couch. Kate sat next to him and Alexis sat up from leaning against the arm of the other couch. She stared at the screen while the news bulletin recapped the events surrounding Senator Bane's arrest. Rick thought again that even if somehow official charges wouldn't stick to the bastard (and the guy could probably afford the very best lawyers), the media court would still utterly destroy him. There were few things less powerful than the image of a politician being led away in cuffs. Rick wondered who had tipped off the media. He wouldn't put it past Jordan.

There were a few shots of Kate, flanked by all three men, heading out of the building and getting into Ryan's car. The tag on the screen stated the NYPD's involvement in the arrest, and more interestingly, that the lead detective on the case was the daughter of a murder victim. Not a direction connection made between Bane and Johanna Beckett, but they may as well have; freaking close enough.

Most of what the news was reporting was speculation (though they weren't far from wrong). Rick filled in the gaps for Alexis, once again leaving out the Montgomery details, mostly leaving the explanation at 'that is the man responsible for Johanna Beckett's murder'; he could say it for sure, even if the television network could not. As Rick watched the news item he started to feel the enormity of what they had done. They had closed Kate's mother's case. And they had sent a truly bad man to prison. It was over. It was all over. And that finally left the way free for him and Kate. Truly free this time. Wow. That was so... It made his chest feel tight. Everything was going to be so...

"Uh Dad?"

Rick turned to his daughter. He must have zoned out for a moment. He was starting to feel the effects of that sleepless night; the empty light had already been glowing on his dashboard for days. When he turned to his daughter he saw her indicating with her head to his right. He looked in that direction. Kate had curled up against a cushion, her eyes closed. She was asleep. "Guess today was a lot huh?" Alexis said softly.

"Yeah," Rick agreed with a whisper. Not to mention last night and then the day before. The last few days had been nonstop. Neither of them had any decent sleep in a while. At the hospital he had caught snippets but it was too hard to sleep in a chair when there was so much noise around him. And he couldn't fully relax anyway. He was paranoid Kate was going to wake up at any moment and he'd miss it and he really didn't want her to wake up without him there. Not this time. He didn't know if Kate had any meaningful rest while she was at the hospital, and that only reminded him that she had orders from her doctor to 'take it easy' and she had so not done that since discharging herself.

"You don't look so great yourself," Alexis added.

"It's been a really long twenty-four hours," he noted.

"You should go take a nap."

Rick got to his feet. "A very good idea." Now that he thought about it he was freaking exhausted and it was rolling over him in big waves, forcing his limbs numb, his eyes heavy. If he didn't head to bed soon, he was going to end up on the floor where he fell. He leaned over Kate and took her by the shoulder gently. He squeezed, called her name softly. She startled awake and he wondered if she had been dreaming. "Hey," he gave a slight smile to ease her. She reached up a hand to his cheek. "Let's go to bed sleepy head."

"Ok," she whispered. He pulled her to stand, slowly and carefully. She not only looked tired, but like her injuries were catching up with her too; there were grimaces. Rick took her hand and towed her towards his study door.

"Good night Alexis," Rick said. What else did you say when you were going to have a sleep in the middle of the day?

"Night Dad. Night Kate."

"Night Alexis."

**2.1**

As much as Kate actually wanted to go to bed with Rick and make love, her body was not her friend at the moment. After she woke from their nap, to a darkened bedroom and a hulking figure next to her, Kate actually felt incredibly refreshed and relaxed and... safe. Until she stretched, forgetting for a moment, then her ribs protested, her wrists, her head; it felt like she was sore all over.

'_Every now and then I fall apart.'_

She got up, padded across the room to her bag, found the pain medication and swallowed back the pills with a handful of water from the bathroom tap. She studied the bruise on her cheek, conceded it wasn't as bad as having a black eye, combed her hair back into rule, and slipped back into bed with Rick. She cuddled up behind his back, smoothing her hands over his t-shirt clad torso, feeling his muscles and bones, remembering two nights ago, when she had quit her life to start one with him and they had made magic between these sheets. It made her smile; beautiful memories she would have forever now. Memories she didn't want to let go of.

Rick snored softly. She hadn't noticed before. Kate shifted up so she was leaning over him. His mouth was open, the air rattling gently in this throat. His eyes were still beneath the lids. The blinds were closed this time but there was still enough light for Kate to see him pretty clearly. Kate smoothed a hand around his ear, while she leaned all over his arm, toying with the hair there. He stirred a little but when she went still, he went back to sleep. Kate had a mischievous thought about seeing how far she could push it before she woke up. But then she thought waking him was kind of cruel, when he was so peaceful like that. And obviously exhausted. He had already admitted to getting about an hour's sleep while she was gone; technically, she had got more than him.

Kate eased back to her side of the bed (her side! of his bed!) and closed her eyes again. She started to think about lying with him again, being close to him, kissing and making love. Two days ago she had quit her entire life and since then everything had spun around three hundred and sixty degrees so she was right back to where she had started. But without her mother's case this time. Yes, she had taken her badge back but things had changed. Obviously, everything had changed. And it was going to take some figuring out. She didn't know where to start.

Now that she was awake, Kate knew she wasn't going to go back to sleep. She got up again, noting she was able to move easier now the pain medication seemed to be kicking in. Kate found her phone, after a serious amount of searching, with Rick's things, on a pile on his dresser. There were a few messages; one from Lanie in particular that made Kate realise with all that had happened, she had forgotten other people. She called Lanie back, but had to leave a message. She assured her friend that she was fine, that with everything with her mother's case she had just been busy, but they would totally catch up later and that she had something else, besides the arrest, which was kind of big that she needed to tell her friend. Then Kate called her dad again.

**2.1**

Rick woke to the dark room and an empty bed. He sat slightly. "Kate?" The room seemed devoid and when he blinked his vision from blurriness he could see he was alone. It felt... strange. Rick sat up further, picked the sleep from his eyes. The sheets were mussed next to him so she must have at least stayed for a while. He checked the pillow for a note but there wasn't one. And then he had a look on the bedside tables too but there was nothing and the disappointment felt realer. She had gone.

Rick went to the bedroom door, detouring for a second to pick up his phone. He thumbed it awake to see if there were any messages; two from Gina. Ugh. He would call her back later. Way later. Then with a hand on the door knob he realised he could hear a soft murmuring. Female voice. Intimate conversation. Study. Rick cracked the door open and his heart stuttered in his throat for a moment. Kate was sitting at his desk, in his big leather chair, her feet tucked underneath her, a leg against her chest. She was on her phone, looking out the window, sunlight glowing her hair. She looked fresh and rested and so beautiful. When she blinked it was like her lashes kissed her cheeks. Rick stared at the tilt of her lips; a smile and then she turned in the chair, further away from him. He felt a pang; who was she talking to? He wasn't jealous... wait, he _was_ jealous. He hadn't had enough of her to know that he would always have forever.

"Yeah Dad I'd really love that. You should."

Oh. Ok. Her Dad. That made... that was... he was ok with that. He was stupid sometimes. Rick pushed the bedroom door open further and made his presence known. Kate looked over at him, surprised for a second, then smiling, warm and wide, for him, her face eager, her body turning towards him, her hand reaching out. He stepped closer and she grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him down. "Hey," she murmured and lips still open, reached up for his mouth, pressing a warm wet kiss there.

"I'm gonna," Rick indicated the door to the living room. Kate nodded and smiled, let him go, trailed her hand over his arm as he moved away. Rick's heart bobbed in his chest, buoyed on bubbles of delight.

"Yeah that was Rick," Kate spoke into the phone.

**2.1**

When Kate hung up the phone she felt better. Talking to her Dad... It grounded her, reminded her of the things she had fought for, her mother's case, his sobriety; why she had made the choices she had in her life. The loft seemed quiet when Kate uncurled herself from Rick's chair. Before she got up she took a moment to see the room from his vantage point. It was tidy, clear of clutter, but utterly adorned with everything that was meaningful to him. She wished she had that too; sometimes it still felt like she was piecing her heart back together. His desk was clear, his laptop, lid closed, in the centre. She felt an insane urge to open all the drawers, see what she could fine. But that would be a big violation of trust. And also incredibly stupid. If she asked, he would probably just show her. She knew he would give her everything if he could.

She wished she had more to give him.

Kate worked a prickle of pins and needles from her foot as she crossed the room. It was still quiet but the loft was not empty. Rick was at the breakfast bar, Alexis in the kitchen. She was serving him up something to eat from a pan and oh god, it smelt amazing. Kate was starving. She checked her phone for the time. Nearly five in the evening. This day was totally crazy. The conversation at the bar ended as Kate stepped into the living room. Alexis gave a nod of greeting, still wary, but trying, so Kate gives her a smile and when she was close enough, a greeting.

"Are you hungry?" Alexis asked. "I made plenty."

"Starving," Kate admitted.

"Let me get you a plate," Alexis turned away.

"Oh you don't," Kate started but was stopped by Rick's hand on her arm. She looked over at him (not down, not on the tall bar stools).

"Let her," he murmured, slipped his hand down to her fingers, squeezed and then let her go. He went back to his dinner. It looked liked pasta and a cream sauce. "Lemon chicken," Rick informed her while she sat and Alexis returned with a plate. "It's the best."

"Is that ok?" The younger woman asked with wide eyes.

"It sounds great," Kate responded.


	12. Chapter 12

"Couldn't stay away huh?" Kate opened the door with a smile.

Rick held up a bag of takeaway. "Figured after a day of slaving away over whatever it was you were doing, you'd be _starving_."

Kate's smile turned to a grin and she grabbed at his arm, tugging him into her apartment. They hadn't even managed twenty-four hours apart. Which after three days holed up in his loft had seemed like a good idea. Seemed. The reality of a day without him was much stranger. She kept turning, expecting him to be there at her elbow as she worked. Rick gave a little yelp as she manhandled him across the threshold. She slammed the door shut, keeping a hand on him so he couldn't go far, and turned on him, stepping up on her tip toes to kiss him, deeply, thoroughly, oh god she had missed him.

Rick gave her a smile. "See I knew you missed me."

"That was to say thanks for the food," Kate countered, taking the bag from his grip and heading across to the island in the middle of her kitchen. She left it there, going to the cupboard for plates.

"Wow I'd love to see how you thank me when I actually do something that totally blows your mind."

Kate shot him a half smile over her shoulder; saw his raised eyebrow, his carefully staring eyes. "Who said food isn't totally mind blowing?"

"If a coffee earns me a smile," Rick went on, going to the bench and pulling the containers out of the plastic. "And food gets me a kiss..." he mused for a moment, taking a plate from Kate and nudging some of the cardboard containers towards her. "Then if I save your life," he fixed her with a pointed expression. She rolled her eyes. "Man, that would be worth so much..."

Kate nudged him with her hip, a small smile on her mouth. She did miss him. Yep. It had been less than twelve hours since she had left his loft that morning and come home to her place to work, but she had missed him. Paperwork was so hard to focus on when her apartment was so quiet. She was not only used to him being around _all the time_, but the buzz of the precinct. Of course, that might have just been because she wasn't used to trying to do any work at home and because doing paperwork in particular was always slightly tedious.

They divided rice and noodles, beef and pork, wontons and spring rolls. "Wine?"

"Yeah," Rick agreed. He scooped up her plate with his and took them to the couch. Kate poured two glasses of red and joined him. "So," he started conversationally once she was seated. He had his plate balanced on the pads of his fingers, spread wide. "What is it exactly that you banished me for?" He armed his other hand with a fork and looked around the room. It was tidy, like it always was.

"We already spent every waking minute of three days together," Kate gave him a knowing expression, reaching for her own plate. "Do you not think maybe some time apart would be a good idea?"

"No," Rick answered immediately. "See, when you're in a new relationship, you're required to spend at least a week in bed. And you totally cut that off four days early."

Kate laughed a little. "Well sorry. But. I do have things I actually have to do."

Rick swallowed his mouthful. "That uh, reminds me."

Kate looked over at him. He had a guilty aura to him. She would accuse him of stealing crime scene photos except, she didn't have a crime scene right now. "What?" She asked, with a slight smile, reaching for her wine glass.

"Remember how I said I was going to Europe?"

Kate almost choked on her drink. "What? No you didn't." Her face and tone went incredulous.

"Yeah ok so maybe I thought I had mentioned it and then I realised I haven't actually."

"When are you going to Europe?" Kate interrupted. So he had had things to do today too. It wasn't just her that needed to get back to the real world.

"Uh in a few days."

"What?" Her tone went up a few notches. She slid her plate onto the table.

Rick put his plate down, turned his body to her, his face entirely apologetic. "When it was all finalised we weren't exactly..."

Heavy silence fell between them.

"And then with last week," he made a 'phoar!' expression. "I forgot."

"Well how long are you going for?"

"Uh. Twelve days."

Kate's eyebrows went up again, her mouth fell open a little. "Twelve days. Are you kidding me?"

"No. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We were working our last case."

Kate got up, walked around the table.

"I'm coming back," Rick tried.

Kate turned on him. But she fish-mouthed for a moment and then finally locked her lips. The rolling surprise was confusing with anger and making her think he had done something wrong. When he actually hadn't. Except for maybe not telling her three days ago.

"It's for _Frozen Heat_," Rick went on as she took her seat again. He kept his distance, cautious.

Kate looked over at him. "A book tour?'

"Launch," Rick corrected carefully. "Type tour thing yeah. You know, I can get out of it." But the way he said that made her think if he did, it would cause all kinds of problems. Besides, if he wanted to get out of it, he would have just done so, instead of mentioning it to her first.

"No it's ok," she said. He looked surprised. "You have to work right?"

"Uh."

"And, like you said, this was all organised a long time ago. So..." She watched him for a moment. Really? Could she be mad at him when he gave her the innocent puppy dog eyes without even trying? When it looked like he was actually genuinely concerned that he had offended her in some way? That was not good. That was not a good place to be in...

"Twelve days," Kate went on. She shook the hair out of her face. "Over before you know it right?"

"Absolutely. Or," he paused, as if this were a new idea, though Kate suspected it was not. "You could come with me."

Kate gave a slight smile. "I can't."

"Or won't?"

Oh wow. He was still unsure about her. Damn it. Kate felt a funny turn of her stomach at the disappointment and hurt in his eyes.

"Can't," she reaffirmed. "Work."

"Probation right?"

"Yeah."

"Of course," he agreed amiably. "Would have been fun though. Nikki _and_ Kate in Europe."

Kate brought a hand to Rick's cheek, smoothing her palm against the slight scratch of his jaw, petting her fingers through the hair at his neck, then down over his collarbone. She pressed a kiss against his mouth but with the angle, her ribs didn't let her linger for long. She gave him a smile. "Yeah that could have been fun. Following you around while you're trying to work."

Rick pursed his lips together like he did when he was imagining so much more. He had every right to; she would totally torture him. Kate brushed her thumb over his lips, sealing her presence there, then went back to her dinner. She picked up her plate again, forking her broccoli. Kate heard Rick suck in a breath, then reach for his own plate.

**2.2**

Rick toyed with her hand. He traced the edges of her fingers, then along her palm, down to her wrist, then up again. Kate watched his hand move, marvelling that something not entirely remarkable actually hid so much talent; books and bedroom. There were no lights on in her room but the glow of the city illuminated everything quite efficiently. Food, wine, Rick; a great evening. He turned his head to place a kiss against her hair, making her smile.

"I don't have to go," Rick murmured. "I can call it off."

Kate turned her left hand, the one resting between their bodies, and pinched his side lightly. He was testing her, asking her to ask him to stay. She couldn't. He flinched away from her, then turned quickly so he was leaning over her torso, pressing down. Kate laughed, but gasped for air; her ribs were still tender. Rick started to withdraw but she grabbed for him, keeping him against her, but not on her. "Stay."

"I'm scared I'm going to hurt you," he breathed, trying to withdraw a little further.

Kate petted his cheek. "Sometimes I'm scared I'm going to hurt _you_." She stared up at him, his eyes dark in the light, his skin an interesting shade of bubblegum streetlight. There was something between them and it was gaining confidence.

"Kate."

"What are you going to do next Rick?" Kate asked him instead.

"Uh?"

"This is the last Nikki Heat book right?" Kate went on quickly.

Rick gave a slight surprise blink. "Oh I hadn't thought of that," he breathed out. His eyes came back to Kate's and held them for a moment. "Guess I have to talk to my publisher and..." He gave a shrug.

"You're not bored with Nikki yet?"

"Never," he whispered fiercely and dropped his head to kiss her neck. Kate let him have more room, arching her head away. His lips and tongue sent little thrills through her. When he said that, she believed him.

**2.2**

Kate woke in the night. The curtains were still wide open and the light had not changed. It was not like the sun. It did not creep across the room to indicate a change in time. Rick was pressed against her side, solid and hot. She was sticky with a damp sweat. Kate eased herself out from underneath Rick's heavy form and slid to the edge of the bed. It was two-thirty seven. "Geeze," Kate sighed. Every night since... since Maddox she had woken. She didn't know if the two were related, the trauma and her insistence of waking up at the crack of barely tomorrow. She certainly wasn't waking in a panicked sweat. She knew what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder felt like. She didn't have it. Not again, not this time. But there was something, she felt funky. She felt unsettled, like the ground was wobbly and she was off balance.

But she wasn't ok because even afterward when they were lying in her bed, not talking, just being, she felt like something was wrong. It felt off. She felt a prickle of panic and tried to shut it down. It wasn't wrong, being with Rick. That was not the part that was not right. It was something else. She felt claustrophobic, stifled, like it was all of a sudden hard to breathe. Kate turned back to see Rick, sleeping on as if she hadn't been there at all. He was naked. Completely naked. And the sheet was twisted so it barely covered anything. Kate felt a stab of something in her stomach. Lust or love. What was the difference?

He loved her. He loved her so much. She felt it pouring out of him every moment they were together. Even when he was respecting her boundaries, giving her space; literally staying away when she asked him too, but also managing to not completely smother her when they were in the same room. Was work really the excuse she had for not going to Europe? It was a good one, legitimate and logical and real. Or was it that it felt like too much too soon?

She knew what she was getting in for when she made that choice. It was her mother's case or him. And she had picked him. She had chosen life. She wanted that. She wanted him. There were moments that were so genuinely unreal she wanted to hold on to them forever. But forever was a long time. And had she really thought it through before she had knocked on his door? She knew how he felt. But was she really sure of how she felt?

It was her. There was something wrong with her. She loved him and now she was freaking out about it? Maybe. That was not beyond the realm of possibility. But the thing was, she didn't want to be freaking out. She didn't want to start pushing him away. She wanted to lie naked with him all day and not care (a week in bed right?). She wanted him. She wanted it to be like it was before Maddox had abducted her.

Kate got up from the bed, went to the bathroom, studied that bruise in the mirror. It was blooming, probably close to done. They had got the Dragon, but Maddox was still out there and how much would he want her out of his own sense of vindictiveness? If she went to Europe would he follow her there? Now _that_ put a squeeze of fear into Kate's gut. No, Kate shook her head. Maddox was in the wind. He wouldn't dare come back. He was good but he had also shown he had flaws. Suddenly, Kate wasn't so afraid of the big bad wolf.

Kate put the bathroom light out and went back to the bedroom. Rick had shifted onto his back, managing to take just enough of the sheet with him to remain modest. Kate gave a slight smile at the sight of him. He seemed huge in her bed (or was it just that there was a man in her bed?) and she wanted the feel of his skin beneath hers. She climbed on the mattress and moved his arm until he got the hint and lifted it for her. She shifted in against his bare chest, snuggling close. Oh crap that felt so good. Even the heavy weight of his arm around her shoulders, holding her tightly. "Smell good," he muttered.

Kate smiled against his skin. So did he. Amazingly good; all sleepiness and Castle.

"Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere."

"Kate," he murmured and drew her into a tighter hug, with both arms, turning his body into hers, injuries be damned, practically lifting her off the mattress. Kate relished it, clung onto him tightly, turned her face into his neck; she was surprised to find tears in her eyes. The thought of losing him, of pushing him away, of not having this, terrified her. She had no idea how much he really meant to her; she was still figuring it out (she was _going_ to figure it out). Before, she had let everything else, _everything_ else, eclipse what she felt for him. Until now. Now she was going to face it.

"Good night," Rick breathed.

"Night," Kate whispered back, her throat tight.

"Love you."

'_I love you too_.'


	13. Chapter 13

"Tomorrow," Rick started, obviously wanting to have a conversation. Tomorrow was when she was supposed to go back to work.

"Are you going to come with me?" Kate asked him, angling her body to place a hand at his neck, stroking the soft hair at the base of his skull.

"You go in first and signal if it's all clear," Rick told her, turning his head to look over at her.

"Oh so _now_ you want to wait in the car?" Kate shifted so she was sitting on her knees, leaning towards him.

Rick chuckled. "I can't come with you tomorrow."

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't," he gave a groan. "I have to pack."

"Uh huh." Kate traced her tongue around the shell of Rick's ear, then brought her lips down over the lobe, drawing the soft flesh through her teeth as she slid into his lap. Beneath her, Rick shivered as he gave a sigh. His hand's tightened on her backside and he turned his head to nuzzle into her neck.

"Why do you tease me so?" He murmured.

"Because it's fun," Kate breathed back. And yeah, maybe it was a bit of payback. They were on the couch, in the living room, totally taking advantage of the fact that Alexis was out at a movie with a friend. She had been socialising a lot, before everyone disappeared for the start of their first semester at college. So with the place to themselves (and really, it didn't seem to happen all that often), it meant they could fool around on the couch a bit, in the actual living room. Rick gave a growl and shifted a hand up to her arm, pulling her to the side so her shoulders were more aligned with his and he could reach her mouth. He kissed her deeply, slipping the hand into her hair, smoothing against the back of her skull.

Kate delved deeply with her tongue, holding nothing back. She felt Rick gulp what she offered, like he couldn't get enough. He drew her in closer, their mouths tighter together. Kate wanted to tease him slowly, coax him into going to bed but it seemed she barely had to try. He wanted her. He wanted her always. Kate gripped her fingers into his shirt, pushing her hips forward against him, feeling his abdomen tightly against hers. She broke away to kiss his neck and could hear him panting near her ear, a slight moan of delight.

Then there was a key in the door and Kate started to pull away but she was by no means disentangled by the time it was open; she had her leg hooked over Rick's arm. Rick had a harried, 'busted' kind of expression on his face as Kate slipped from his lap back to the cushion beside him where she had started.  
"Please tell me I'm interrupting something!"

Kate turned, straightening her shirt, trying to comb her hair at the same time. Martha. Who else would make an entrance like that? She was quick with that key in the door too. Martha was in a bright red summer dress and was quickly making her way across the living room towards them, arms raised, delight on her face. "Aaaah you _two_!" Martha crooned in excitement. "Finally!" Kate gave a bashful smile, coming to stand, able to move so much more easily now the muscles around her ribs were healing up.

Rick wiped his mouth quickly, shifted to the edge of the couch and stood. "Mother," he greeted, a little flatly. "What are you doing here?"

Martha reached Kate, who was starting to move towards her anyway, and placed her hands on the younger woman's shoulders, bending her knees so she could look up into Kate's face. She completely ignored her son. "Darling!" She started and then she spotted the fading bruise on Kate's cheek. Yeah, that sucker was still fading; it had got a lot worse before it had started getting better. "Now what happened here?" Her face went serious, the delight vanished.

"Tough case," Rick supplied into the silence.

Kate nodded, trying not to smile. Not because of the case that had given her the bruise, but because, to her surprise, she realised it was so good to see Martha, a part of her had missed the older woman. The loft wasn't quite the same without her around. Plus Martha was probably now the last person to find out about her and Rick. And, as Kate had suspected, she was the most delighted.

"I have something that will clear that right up," Martha announced. She grabbed Kate by the hand and started to march her across the open space to the stairs.

Kate shot Rick a look, eyebrow raised: 'she's prepared?'

"Jealous understudy," Rick stage-whispered before Kate was out of earshot.

"Richard, my bags are downstairs," Martha called as she dragged Kate upstairs. They went down the short hall to a bathroom. Martha sat Kate on the edge of the bath and opened up the vanity cabinet. "Now, granted, it doesn't smell the greatest," she spoke as she rummaged. "But this stuff is a _god_ send."

Martha approached where Kate was sitting and unscrewed the cap of a small white jar in her hand. She perched next to her on the edge of the bath. "Use this in the morning and at night and that bruise will clear right up," she instructed as she dipped in a finger and smeared something green onto Kate's cheek. She was right, it smelt rather strong, and Kate felt her eyes stinging a little against the fumes. Martha rubbed it in smartly, recapped the jar, left it on the vanity and wiped her hand on a nearby towel. Of course, the bruise was just about gone anyway and they both knew that, but Kate figured the older woman wanted to talk and she was not wrong.

"So you and Richard?" Blue eyes were piercing.

"Yes," Kate admitted with the smile that threatened to undo her when she thought about him. She found herself watching the older woman to make sure it was ok. She was encroaching in on her family; of course she was going to seek approval. It was still awkward with Alexis, despite all of them trying to make it not that way.

"Did he?" Martha gave a little nod of encouragement, implying Rick had finally made the first move.

"Sort of."

"So then you?" Martha gave that little nod of her head again, more knowing this time, implying that it was Kate that had finally made the first move.

"Sort of," Kate repeated, trying to hide her smile.

"Well go on. Richard's sure not going to tell me the story."

Kate let the smile bloom and told Martha the sequence of events. Yeah, she even admitted that she had basically shut Rick down in her apartment when he poured out his heart, and yes she had hung off that building thinking about him and only him and then come begging on his doorstep. Martha 'awwed' in the right places, had tears in her eyes by the time Kate finished and was grasping at her hand tightly. She regarded Kate for a moment and Kate took the scrutiny. "You love him?" But it didn't sound like much of a question.

"Yes."

"You've been so good for him."

Kate gave that soft smile again; she so couldn't help it, every time she thought of him, every time she saw him. "He's good for me."

"You know kiddo, he's a good man." Her eyes held Kate's firmly again. There seemed to be a thinly veiled 'so don't hurt him' in there too.

"I know," Kate agreed. The best. Kind and loving and so loyal. Her chest filled with light, bubbling up, threatening to explode. Oh how she loved him. She wanted to be near him all the time. She was almost, almost ready to do something drastic, to show him. She just needed to settle a bit more first. She needed to get back into work, back to life. Start again. Everything was changing.

"Have you stopped talking about me yet? It's been ten minutes," Rick called before he appeared in the doorway. He leaned against the frame, folding his arms over his chest and studied them pointedly.

"Oh Richard, no one's talking about you," Martha said getting to her feet. She grabbed the jar of cream from the vanity and handed it to Kate. "I had to tell him that constantly when he was a boy." Martha headed towards the door.

"I put your bags in your room."

"Thank you darling," Martha walked past her son giving his arm a pat. She headed across the hall.

Rick raised an eyebrow at Kate and she stood, slipping the small jar into the back pocket of her jeans. She walked over to him, reaching up on her tiptoes (because she was barefoot) to press a kiss against his lips but he snuck in first and kissed her cheek. He recoiled quickly. "Ugh yuck what is that?" Rick poked out his tongue and wiped his fingers over it. He made spitting noises while Kate laughed. She pulled his hand down and kissed his mouth, washing her tongue over his. He gave a little hum.

"Your Mom just warned me not to break your heart," Kate told him.

Rick raised both eyebrows in surprise. "I don't think she's ever done that before."

Kate gave a slight smile. "That you know about."

Rick gave an '_oh I'd know'_ expression, wide blue eyes, face unimpressed. Then he morphed into fluidity, hands snaking to her waist, pulling her in against him, lips coming down on her mouth. "You're doing pretty good so far."

"That's good to know."

Rick smiled. "This is the part where you tell me I'm awesome."

"You _are_ awesome."

"In bed," he added.

Kate grinned and lowered her voice, "Yeah there too."

Rick kissed her again. "You're also awesome. Just for the record."

"In bed right?"

Rick gave her another knowing expression. Kate gave him another kiss. "Thank you." She smirked and brushed past him. She headed across the hall to Martha's room. The door was wide open and she gave a light knock on the wooden frame. There were four suitcases open on the bed, clothes strewn around. Kate wondered if Rick had brought them all up in one go, picturing him with one in each hand, one under each arm, then thought he had probably got the doorman to help him because he wouldn't bother making two trips. That would give him time to listen in on their conversation. She wondered how much he had heard, her stomach fluttering with a guilty nervousness.

"Come in, come in," Martha ushered.

"How was your vacation?" Kate asked as Rick came up behind her and crowded her into the room. She slid her fingers between his and held on to his hand.

"Oh you should have seen the weather up in the Hampton's. Absolutely awful. It's like they had no idea it was meant to be summer out there."

**2.3**

Rick half woke and turned over. He bumped into a body in his bed. He must have drifted over the halfway mark. He hoped he hadn't woken her. He had come to discover Kate wasn't a great sleeper. He edged away a little bit and curled up behind her instead. His head came down right on the edge of his pillow, so he _was_ in the middle of the bed. But then so was Kate. And that was not like her. She was pretty consistent with staying on her side. She also didn't steal blankets. Sometimes she talked in her sleep. Rick shifted so he was against her, pressing his nose into the crook of her neck, a hand gently over her stomach; this way, she could escape from his embrace if she wanted to.

Then Rick realised Kate's body was tense, not relaxed like when she was asleep. He could feel the tight rise and fall of her ribs as she breathed. "Awake?" He murmured, his voice croaky.

"Yeah," she whispered. Her hand shifted to rest over his. She brushed her fingers against his skin. "It's ok. Go back to sleep."

"You can't sleep?"

"I'm thinking."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Too many things."

"Hm?" Rick prompted, inviting her to talk. Kate was silent for a moment and so Rick figured she didn't want to share. He relaxed again, preparing to simply go back to sleep.

"I was thinking about you."

Rick opened his eyes. The room was dark so of course he couldn't see, but he still shifted his head back as if he could discern something from her face. He managed to stare blearily at the back of her head. "What about me?" He muttered.

Kate turned over, moving slowly and carefully. She brushed against him in a million ways that all sent slivers of delight to his core. She settled against his chest, clinging on like her life depended on it, like she was hanging off the edge of a... whoa don't go there. Rick smoothed his hand up and down Kate's back. She was wearing a thin t-shirt so he could feel her body warmth easily; she was slightly sweaty. Actually, warmth was an understatement, she was like a furnace.

"Everything is changing," Kate went on.

Well, yeah, they were changing. Of course. But that was a good thing right? That was what she wanted, wasn't it? She had knocked on his door after all. Nearly a week had gone by. If everything with her Senator Bane hadn't happened...

"Your mother's case?" Rick guessed.

"Yes. But also, the twelfth. I have to... start over. Be different."

Rick got that. She meant with Gates. They had got off to a bad start. Now that he thought about it, he wondered how Gates was going to be with him. Was he still in her bad books? Did she still dislike him for no reason? He had done what she had asked, he nudged Kate into going back. Well, that wasn't just for Gates' benefit. It was for Kate's too. And no, it wasn't to do with Nikki Heat. It was to do with Kate.

"I don't know what else to do. I can't see myself going back to law school."

Rick kissed her forehead. It sounded like she was trying to convince him, but he knew she was actually just using him as a sounding board. He got that. So he listened and she talked. "You could start a new career if you wanted to."

"Mm but what?" Kate murmured.

"You could drive a yellow cab."

Kate laughed, pushing against his chest. Then she shoved back the covers to get to cooler air. "And here I thought you were full of good ideas."

"What's wrong with that?" Rick countered. "You know the streets. I bet you would make killer tips."

Kate laughed again, trying to be quiet because it was the dead of the night. She reached for his head, pulling him closer so their foreheads met. Like Rick, she liked to exercise her mind. But unlike Rick, who enjoyed the puzzles, she liked to give those families of the victims some closure. She thought about Rick claiming she was a cop through and through and that she needed to do it about as much as the victims of the city needed her to bring justice to their perpetrators. Maybe he was being romantic about it, but she did half agree: she couldn't quite picture herself doing anything else. She couldn't go back to books when she had been involved in something so grounding. Working homicide had changed her view of the world entirely. And maybe she couldn't solve every case, but there were some that she could. That was making a difference. She liked that she was making a difference. Modesty aside, she was actually good at it.

But she couldn't do that from behind a desk. Could she?


	14. Chapter 14

The first day back was not as bad as she thought it was going to be.

When Kate arrived at the precinct, well she didn't get a standing ovation, but every person who passed her by had a smile, a clap on the shoulder, a kind word of congratulations, a welcome back. Bane was still all over the media; everyone knew what had happened and there was no escape. Kate's desk was almost disappointingly empty when she finally got to it. She had forgotten she had cleared it of her personal possessions. The box was in her apartment, by the door, and she had walked by it every day since she had put it there, completely ignoring it. Or at least hoping to forget. Even after talking to Gates and getting her job back.  
"Geeze you milk that bruise for all it's worth?" Esposito gestured to her cheek as he approached. Kate tried to repress a smile; it was barely noticeable.

"Who knew a tiny bruise could get you several days off," Ryan added. But his face was bright, little brother keen.

"You guys just don't know how to appreciate bed rest."

Big brother Esposito studied her seriously for a moment. "That's gross." He turned to start walking away.

"Yeah that's totally way too much information," Kevin added, but he was still smiling like he was pleased. Then he looked over to the elevator like he was expecting someone else to appear. "No Castle today?" He asked lightly.

"Castle is spending the day packing," Kate informed him while she slung her bag to her desk. "Because Castle is going to Europe on a book tour."

"Oh," Kevin looked disappointed. "For how long?"

"Twelve days."

"Twelve days?" Esposito asked from across the bullpen. "What's? What could he possibly do there for twelve days?"

"Work," Kate told him, taking her seat. Not only was her desk completely void of personal items, there were no case files, no phone messages, none of the usual police clutter. And god it was so weird.

"Castle? Work?" Ryan teased as he went back to his desk.

"Yeah believe it or not he writes books in his spare time," Kate murmured. But maybe not Nikki Heat books. Would he still come to work with her when he got back? Or was this a very surreal indication of exactly how her life was going to be from now on?

"I'm looking for Detective Beckett?"

They all turned their heads to look. A young blonde man in a coffee house uniform was standing at the threshold of the bull pen, a brown cardboard cup holder in one hand, a slip of paper in the other. He was even still wearing his maroon apron. "Uh yeah," Kate got to her feet again.

"Oh," the guy's face went to relief or recognition or simply 'job done'. He met her half way, handed over the coffee tray and turned to walk away again.

"Uh," Kate stopped him. "Sorry. Did...?" She gave the young man a questioning expression. She got a blank one in return. "Who ordered this?"

"Uh I don't know. Some guy. Gave me twenty bucks to bring it up."

Kate raised her eyebrows a little and the delivery boy escaped. The only marks on the lid and cup indicated specifically what kind of beverage it was; her usual. Then her phone started ringing. Kate dug it out of her back pocket, turning for her desk to put the hot drink down. She knew. She knew before she saw the caller ID. "Hey," she answered with a smile.

"Did your coffee arrive?"

"Yes."

'_Your love is like a shadow on me all the time.'_

"Oh good. It was meant to be a surprise."

"You tipped the guy twenty bucks to bring coffee up?"

"Yeah," Rick responded with a breathy smile of his own.

"How's the packing going?" Kate asked instead.

"Hey is that Castle?" Ryan asked approaching again. Kate nodded, sitting at her desk, toying a fingernail around the edge of her cardboard cup; without thinking she carved a heart. She bet it was going to taste better than when Rick delivered it in person.

"Is that Ryan?" Rick asked in Kate's ear. "Put me on speaker."

"Ask him where our coffee's at," Esposito called from his desk.

"Ask him yourself," Kate responded, pulling the device from her head and answering Rick's request, holding the phone up.

"Waassaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap! You guys miss me?"

"We're wondering where our coffee is," Ryan answered as Esposito approached.

"Yeah how come you always bring Beckett coffee? I get it before, two hands," Javier grouched, leaning towards the phone. "But you pay someone to bring it by and he has this fancy coffee cup holder. For one coffee."

"Oh well," Rick started. "She puts out."

Kate felt her cheeks warm. She refused to look up. When she got home, she was going to kill him.

"Discrimination bro," Esposito went on as if she weren't in the room.

"Yeah. Favouritism," Ryan added.

"And now we hear you're skiving off completely," Javier scoffed and turned to walk away. Ryan followed him.

"Ok guys, come on," Rick tried again. "That's..."

"Too late," Kate spoke up.

"Did they leave?"

"Yeah," she brought the phone back to her ear. "Meanwhile, how's the packing going?"

"Oh so great. Alexis and I made this game..."

"So not a lot of packing going on?"

"Uh well, we're going to start for real in a minute."

Gates' office door opened. She searched for a moment, spotted Kate and gestured to her that she should go in.

"I have to go," Kate spoke into the phone, feeling her spine straighten automatically. It somehow felt like she was extra busted, on the phone to her boyfriend, her first day back, when she had not done any actual work yet and been there all of ten minutes.

Gates gave her a lecture which she tried not to roll her eyes through. The message was clear: she was on probation. She was on thin ice, shaky ground, eggshells. She was on desk duties only. She wasn't to leave the precinct on police business. Kate actually wondered if Gates was even remotely pleased she was back; all that enthusiasm from Rick... She swallowed it down though. It was Kate's choice to be there. She nodded, yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir. When she got back to her desk, someone had drawn a love heart on the lid of her coffee. For half a second she thought it was probably Rick, but when she looked over at the boys they both purposefully avoided her gaze while trying to hide smirks. She popped the lid from the cup and tossed it in the trash (if Rick had drawn it, she would have taken it home).

Ryan came over with a stack of files that he dumped on the edge of her desk. "Welcome back," he muttered before heading off again. Kate suppressed a sigh of her own and put her bag in her empty file drawer. She took a sip of her coffee, already losing its heat, and pulled the first folder closer. Kate remembered every other time she had to fill out paperwork on her own, Rick deciding he had something more interesting to do (except when he had something to do that was more painful than filling in forms). She always assumed he was sleeping in or playing games, but he had managed an entire novel (one she was still buzzing to read. Rick had promised her a copy before he left) in the last year. But it was different today. Today, he wasn't gone because he was bored with paper work. He was packing. To go overseas. For twelve days.

Ryan's desk phone rang. Kate felt her heart rate pick up a little and she looked up from her work. Ryan said 'uh huh' a lot and jotted something down in a desperate scrawl. "Got a body!" He announced before he had even hung up the receiver.

Kate almost, almost pushed back from her desk and got to her feet. Both the guys looked over at her as they gathered their things, preparing to go out. Her empty hip reminded her she had no gun and wasn't supposed to leave the precinct. If she wasn't going out she didn't need it right? It was enough to remind her that her desk was her new best friend and by its side she would remain. Neither of the guys said anything as they went; they obviously knew all about her new status. Sympathetic expressions were fired in her direction.

Kate pulled out her phone, aware that she was being desperate and a little pathetic. She went to the break room for a little bit more privacy. And a view in case someone wanted to sneak up on her.

"Hey Kate," Rick's voice was light and warm. She was smiling already, just hearing him. "What's up?"

She wanted to complain. She wanted to pout that the boys got to go out and play and she wasn't allowed. She wanted to stomp her feet and bitch at the injustice of the world. How Gates was picking on her. Except Gates wasn't picking on her, she was, technically, being somewhat lenient (she could have put a permanent note on Kate's record). And Kate had brought all of this on herself. '_Turning over a new leaf. Turning over a new leaf_.'

"I was wondering," Kate started. Oh he was so going to see through this. Or hear. Hear through this. "What... if you wanted to have dinner?"

"Oh my mother was kind of assuming you'd be here. She's cooking." Rick lowered his voice to a whisper. "She's started now."

Kate gave a half laugh and checked her watch. "It's not even after midday."

"I know," Rick's voice remained conspiratorial. Ugh god she missed him. Missed him. Already. Twelve days. Was he kidding her? Why now? Damn it. "Make sure you're hungry when you get here."

"I'll certainly try." Although she wasn't going to rack up an appetite chasing down a suspect.

"Did you call for a reason or did you just want to hear my sexy voice?" And he lowered it into that gravelly undertone that had Kate practically shivering in her excessive heels.

"Hear your voice," she managed.

Rick gave a chuckle. "Knew it." He let his voice return to normal. "Hey are you ok?"

"Yes," Kate snapped back into herself. The thought of him thinking she couldn't handle it... it worked like a charm every time. But she also had to show him, show him she cared, that she loved him, that she needed him. So she added, "I just needed to hear your voice," and left it at that. And thank god Rick had the sense to give a nonchalant 'any time' and quietly disconnect the call.

**2.4**

When the guys got back, Kate was ready with the murder board and pens and the magnetic clips. She got one weird glance from Ryan while Esposito carried on as if it were the most normal thing in the world for her to be waiting for them. They filled her in, started adding information to the board; two photos, victim and possible early suspect. It was too soon for theories. Esposito and Ryan went out again to start interviews. Kate went back to her desk to run a phone number. She felt like the newbie all over again.

An hour later, when the guys still hadn't returned, Kate fielded the call from the ME's office saying the preliminary autopsy results were in. Kate asked for the medical examiner's name. Dr Parish. Kate got up from her desk and went to the Captain's office. The door was open so she tapped on the glass and went in, chin up, shoulder's back, she was not going to capitulate. "Autopsy results are in," Kate said. "Thought I'd head to the ME's office." The silent _is that ok?_ was utterly implied.

Gates eyed her up. "Ok. Make sure you come straight back."

Like she was going to go anywhere else. Like she was going to run off. She wasn't eight.

"Yes sir."

"Detective?"

"Yes?" Kate turned back.

"Where are Ryan and Esposito?"

"Talking to the victim's family."

Gates gave a nod of dismissal.

Kate went to her desk, grabbed her... bag and left again. Her phone was in her pocket, her badge on the front of her hip. It was too warm for a jacket. Her gun was missing... She felt too light as she went downstairs.

**2.4**

"There's New York's latest hero," Lanie greeted with a broad smile. She was in pink scrubs, pink gloves still on her hands, standing over the sheeted body.

Kate tried to hide her smile. Not at the sentiment, which was just embarrassing, but because she loved Lanie's bright demeanour. She needed some brightness today. "What have you got?"

"Uh uh," Lanie tsked. "First of all. That bruise looks nasty."

"It's fading," Kate pointed out. And yeah, that foul smelling concoction Martha had given her actually made a huge difference.

"Also, girl," Lanie gave her a very knowing smirk and Kate had the distinct impression she had missed something. Something important. "Don't act dumb. I'm talkin' about you and Castle."

Oh that.

There was that smile again. Kate looked down at her feet.

"Yeah you know," Lanie went on. "_Finally_."

Still smiling. The bubbly feeling in her chest.

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

Kate gave a shrug.

"I take it from that smirk things are good?"

"Lanie," Kate warned.

"What?" She asked innocently. "I bet things are great right?"

"So not answering that," Kate sing-songed, trying to focus on the body in front of her.

"You don't get out of it that easily. Four years I've watched you two dance around each other. Now I deserve to hear about it. So go on... Gloat or whatever it is you need to do."

"I need to know about the body," Kate tried.

"Did he tell you he loved you?"

"Lanie," Kate tried her tough voice.

"You can use that tone all you like, we're not movin' on until you give me some details."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Yes he did."

"I so knew it!" Lanie responded gleefully. "And you guys..." she gave a knowing tilt of her head.

Kate would swear to god she was blushing. In the chilled air of the mortuary, she felt her cheeks go warm. "Why do you need to know details?"

"Four years I've been watching you two," Lanie said again, but much louder this time.  
"All right, all right," Kate shushed her.

"I give you details about my...," Lanie pointed out.

"Except Esposito," Kate half closed her eyes in a silent prayer as she warded her friend off.

"Yeah except Javie," Lanie agreed.

"Because I don't _want_ to know," Kate quickly cut her off. Ugh. He was like her brother. Ick.

"So, let's have it then. The last I hear you've been rescued, you run off to make a sensational arrest... and then what Kate. What have you been doing for the last four days?"

Kate lowered her voice. "I've practically been living at his place," she grit out.

"What's he like in the sack?"

"Lanie!"

"I bet he's pretty... you know..."

"He's," Kate almost started to answer. "Fine."

"Just fine? Is he not very?" Lanie gave a wiggle of her little finger.

All Kate could think, was thank god Rick was not there right now to witness this. The gloating. Oh god. She wouldn't be able to stand the gloating. "He's just fine in that department," Kate corrected. "Great even. Amazing. Ok? It's amazing, he's amazing, I can't wait to go home, can we move on now?"

Lanie gave a grin. "Did you tell him you love him too?" She went serious.

"No," Kate twisted her mouth to the side, looking down at her feet again. Yep, she knew. She was terrible for not saying it back. Her heart twisted in an uncomfortable way. The words wanted to come out, she just didn't know how.

"Girl, what is wrong with you?"

"I don't know," Kate admitted. "I want to say it. I-I-I feel it," she gestured to her chest, meeting her friend's dark brown eyes, pleading with her.

"You told me you do," Lanie gave her a disbelieving stare.

"Yeah but when I'm with him and he says it I just... the words don't come out."

"You've said it before right? With other guys?"

"Yes. Just not to him."

"You need help."

Kate gave a groan and hung her head. "I know."


	15. Chapter 15

Kate knocked on the door of the loft. It opened in a sweep of canary yellow, energetic red and channel number five. "Come in, come in," Martha greeted.

"Hi Martha," Kate smiled and stepped over the threshold, slinging her bag to the side and dropping it on the floor.

Martha pulled her into a hug. "Darling, you don't need to knock on that door," she told her, guiding her into the kitchen. "You're welcome anytime."

"Ok," Kate responded with a smile. She knew better than to argue even if it made her feel a little uncomfortable. "Wow something smells great."

Alexis was in the kitchen, stirring a sauce. "Grams has been preparing dinner all day."

"I heard," Kate responded.

Martha swept around her. "Sometimes, the effort is worth it, if you remember." She raised a finger at Kate to punctuate her point. Kate gave a nod. She did remember.

"So what's the occasion?"

Martha reached for a wine bottle. "Europe darling."

"Oh are you going with them?" Kate asked, leaning against the bar.

"Alas no. Not this time," Martha poured two glasses.

"Dad's in his room. Packing," Alexis told Kate.

"Still?" Kate asked, surprised.

"Mh hmm," Alexis responding, sounding like the long suffering mother. Martha nudged the wine towards Kate, both glasses.

"I'll go hurry him up then," Kate reached for the beverages.

"Dinner is in half an hour," Martha called as Kate started to walk away.

The lamp on Rick's desk was on in the study as Kate passed through but he was in his room. There was a large suitcase open on the bed, which looked about half full and the man himself was standing half in the closet, a handful of ties draped over his fingers. He was studying each one in the mirror. Kate stood in the doorway and watched him. He was in jeans and a light blue t-shirt. Her heart jumped into her throat and she just about dropped the wine; god he looked so good and she had not seen him in so long. She set the glasses on the dresser by the door and reached for the handle, letting it click shut behind her. Rick looked up and then his face broke into a beautiful grin. Kate felt her stomach tighten with desire. She wanted him.

Oh how she wanted him.

Kate crossed the room quickly, grabbing his head between her hands and pulling his mouth to meet hers. She bit at his lower lip, smoothing her hands down his arms, reaching his fingers, flicking the silken material from his grip. His mouth came alive under hers while she guided his hands to her waist, planting them firmly, pulling his body in tightly against hers. Kate slipped her tongue against his and he gave a growl, his hands grabbing a palmful of her ass in each. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and when that didn't feel like it was close enough, she practically climbed up his body, hooking one leg around his hip, then jumping a little to warn him that she was going to do the same with her other leg. Rick turned her quickly, pressing her into the wall, taking her weight.

Kate tugged at his shirt, pulling it out from between them, over his head, tossing it to the floor. Rick's gaze was dark and dazed. He went for her neck, making her sigh and thread her fingers into his hair. His hands smoothed over her thighs, and Kate tightened the grip her legs had on him. His body was warm against hers, even through her shirt, and it'd feel so much better if they were skin to skin. Except, she was pressed against the wall, which was a little tricky, and that might not make her think twice, but his mother and daughter were right on the other side of the barrier. And they were waiting for them to come out.

Ok, ok, that was weird.

"Rick," Kate breathed, trying to shift his head away. She shivered as he hit a sensitive spot on her skin. Oh god. The desire in her pelvis flared and her toes curled in her shoes. No, no... Yes... No. "Stop," she whispered. Rick gave a grunt, pushed his hips into hers, tighter, deeper, the friction burning. His hands tugged on her ass, groping, massaging, his teeth nipping at her skin, his tongue soothing in their wake. Kate gave a whimper. "Alexis," she croaked.

Rick pulled back from her slowly, his face in surprise. He was breathing heavily. "Just for the record, that's a real turn off."

"I know," Kate panted. "And your mother."

Rick screwed his face up in a wince. "Kate, what are you doing?"

"They're right there," she jerked a thumb weakly at the wall.

Rick looked to where she had pointed. Realisation filtered in. He shifted his weight back a little and blood flooded through Kate's body, making it pound. She cursed under her breath and Rick raised an eyebrow, amused. "You started it."

"I know," Kate groaned. "And I'm ending it. I can't... while they're..."

Rick pulled back further, gripping an arm around her waist, hefting her against his torso, backing up and turning to walk across the room. He tossed her onto the bed and while she bounced, burying her face into the bedcover (mmm it smelt like him), his voice was surprised as he asked: "Hey, when did you undo my pants?"

Kate used the momentum to turn over completely. He stood, bare-chested, with his jeans open in the front, boxers peeking out, an impressed expression on his face. Kate gave a shrug; she didn't actually remember doing that. Rick grinned and crawled over the bed to get to her. Kate raised a hand to fend him off but it was only half hearted. She let her mouth meet his in a sweet kiss. Her heart was still pounding. Rick pulled back to wiggle his eyebrows at her, "Impressive."

Kate gave a sigh, smoothed her hand down his cheek. "Dinner's nearly ready."

"I'm not allowed out until I finish packing."

Kate laughed.

"Tell me about your day?"

"You finish packing and I'll tell you," Kate gave his shoulder a little push.

Rick eased off the bed again. He stood and did up the buttons of his jeans, staring Kate down, making her regret mentioning his family. They had an entire half an hour. They could be quiet. Right? Rick turned for his shirt. "Go," he told her.

"There's not a lot to tell," Kate turned onto her back, watching him pull the material back over his head. Shame. She could have happily watched him finish his packing half naked. Rick bent to pick up the ties Kate had dropped to the floor. Fantastic view. Rick turned his head to make sure she was looking; Kate gave him a dark smile.

"What did you do?" Rick prompted straightening up again, the material in his hands now.

Kate gave a half shrug. "Paperwork. Ran numbers. Filing."

"The fun jobs." Rick picked four ties and put the rest back.

"Yeah those."

"Have you got a case?"

"Yeah. Middle aged real estate broker."

Rick pouted as he approached his suitcase. "Sounds boring."

Kate tried to hide her smile. "You would think that."

Rick tucked the ties into a specially designed compartment in the lid of his case. "I think that's it." Kate reached over to take a mustard coloured tie from his hands. She tossed it over the end of the bed with a shake of her head. Rick raised an eyebrow. He went back to the closet to find another one. "Gates?"

"Captain, my Captain?" Kate asked, looking up at him.

"Points for the reference," Rick responded, holding up another assortment of ties. "You guys are... good?"

"I don't know about good," Kate got up from the bed and went to where he was standing. She picked the maroon tie and the dark and light blue striped one. "But we're...? I don't know," she gave another shrug, fingering the silk while Rick put his other ties back again. "In agreement?"

"About paperwork?"

"No, not the paperwork," Kate sighed. Rick took the ties from her and went back to his case. Kate followed more slowly, taking her wine glass from the dresser. "More like, she's in control and now we both know it." She stood beside him, placing an arm around his waist, peering in at his clothes; nice shirts and trousers by the look of it. And shiny shoes.

"Sounds like Gates," Rick grunted.

"Have you got underwear in here somewhere?"

"Oh underwear!" Rick gave her hair a kiss. "Whoa that could have been awkward."

She smiled. Probably not. He'd presumably just buy some while he was over there. Rick came back with a large handful of coloured material. He dumped it on top.

"And socks right?" Kate added.

Rick gave a little groan, turning for his dresser again. "Totally lost without you Kate."

**2.5**

The Castle/Rogers women had impeccable good grace. They made themselves completely scarce when it came time for Kate to go to work the next morning. It was goodbye for twelve days and Kate wanted nothing more than to have it in private. Did the hallway outside Rick's apartment count as private? Kate woke early again. She woke Rick up and they made love (surely no one else was awake that early to accidentally overhear?). They had breakfast together, the four of them. Then it was showers and getting ready for work and heavy hearts. Rick followed Kate around the loft and she didn't even mind the stalking.

Rick was in a dark blue shirt, open at the collar, his hair was still wet and he smelt like soap. Kate clung onto two sides of his shirt, knowing she really had to leave to get to work on time, but unable to bring herself to let go. Rick had his hands clasped in the small of her back, his head low against hers. Well, not so low, she did have several extra inches on her feet that almost made her as tall as him. Rick was standing in the doorway and Kate was within the embrace of his arms. Kate closed her eyes, pictured them anywhere but there, breathed him in, felt her heart pounding; still alive.

"I'll be back before you know it," Rick started their goodbye, his voice a rumbling murmur.

Kate shifted her chin up a little, pressed a kiss against the corner of his mouth. "I know," she whispered. But she still didn't want to let go.

"Then you'll be back to begging me to leave you alone."

Kate pulled back to see his eyes. He seemed a little amused. She wanted to tell him to shut up; she hadn't done that in so long because the truth was she didn't want him to leave her alone. She wanted to bury her face in his skin and never come out. The thought of nearly two weeks without him was unbearable. The thought of two weeks chained to her desk without at least having him to go home to at the end of the day was torturous.

"It'll be ok," Rick tried.

Kate gave a tight lipped smiled, entirely forced, so very obvious. "Stay safe ok?" Kate tried.

"Yeah of course."

"And try to stay out of trouble."

Rick grinned. Kate smiled. "At least try," she repeated.

"It's so weird, cos even when I try, trouble seems to find me."

Kate rolled her eyes. Him, trying to stay out of trouble? Yeah right. "Have fun then," she said instead.

"I can definitely do that," Rick promised.

"Will you call me?"

"Every day," he answered immediately.

That actually made Kate feel a little better. She unclenched her fingers from his shirt and smoothed out the wrinkles. Then she leaned forward to kiss him. His mouth was warm and comforting. It was a kiss of farewell and Kate fought down a wave of despair. She had just got him, they had just got started, and he was going again. The timing was awful. She wasn't ready.

"I have something for you," Rick shifted a hand. He dug in his pocket for a second (and she had the briefest thought: _oh yeah what's in your pocket?) _then withdrew his hand again. Whatever it was, was small enough to be enveloped by his fingers entirely. Rick indicated she should hold out her hand, so she did, and he dropped something into her palm. A key. Kate looked up at him, surprised. "Key to the loft," he explained, as if it weren't already obvious. Kate blinked at him, not sure what to say; too many feelings to organise.

"You want me to water your plants?" Kate quipped, her voice thin and unsure.

"Check in on my mother," Rick stage-whispered. "Make sure she doesn't trash the place."

Kate smiled and slipped the key into her trouser pocket. She would put that on her key chain as soon as she got the chance. She was conscious of it already. A key to his place. That meant big things even if they were both joking about it.

Rick pressed a kiss against her forehead. "I love you Kate."

Kate pressed her lips against his cheek, then dropped her chin over the back of his shoulder. She held him tight and he squeezed right on back. But that still didn't make the words come out.


	16. Chapter 16

"I'm not very good at relationships," Kate admitted, picking at a fingernail, just slightly unable to meet his eyes as he sat across from her. "I always manage to do something to push people away, keep them at a distance." She had done it to so many people so many times already. Rick knew her wall better than she did, which made her uncomfortable and self-conscious. "Or not enough to get them to stay." But she was over it (well she wanted to be over it, the wall, that was). She felt the wall crumbling, she had managed partial demolition but now she wanted to tear it down completely, sweep up the debris, erase its existence altogether.

Turning to walk away that morning was hard. Really hard. In the elevator on the way down, Kate twisted his key onto her chain and held it tightly while she cried a little. Yeah, she cried a little. But only a little, because she still had to get through the day and it was going to be bad enough without letting herself feel miserable over the fact that Rick was going away to Europe. She could get all depressed about it when she was alone that night. Alone. Ugh. It wasn't so bad when she knew she could come back at the end of the day and he'd be right there. But today it was entirely different. He wasn't going to be there when she got home. And home was going to be her home not his home (even with the key).

Kate just beat Ryan and Esposito to the precinct. There were search results on her desk and so she went through them, added the important information to the murder board and was given her next tedious desk task. She was getting all the same information they were, but from a distance. She didn't get to meet the suspects or victims or witnesses, get a feel for the case by being completely immersed and so she felt slightly detached from it, couldn't see it the same way she normally would.

It had been a tenuous morning.

Doctor Carver Burke regarded her with a measured deep brown gaze from his chair three feet away. "What makes it different with Rick?"

Kate looked over at him properly this time; now that the words were out it was easier to make eye contact. She had no idea what he was talking... Oh. Actually, yeah, Rick was her longest relationship ever, with anyone, not just romantically (not counting her friendship with Lanie or her working with the guys). Four years. "Rick makes it different," Kate answered finally.

"In what ways?"

"He doesn't give up on me."

"Do you feel that people give up on you?"

"Sometimes, sure," Kate admitted. She thought about the last handful of men she had dated. Yeah, she had felt let down by all of them. They just didn't understand her. And they didn't try to. She was complicated; she had issues. Big ones. Whereas Rick had done both of those things, understand her and try to. He had fought to get on the other side of that wall. He really wanted it. And she really wanted him there.

"Do you feel like your mother gave up on you?"

Kate turned her gaze on the doctor sharply. He stared her down. "Where did that even come from?"

"You recently made an arrest in your mother's murder."

Was that a question?

"How do you feel about that?"

Kate shook her head slightly in disbelief. "How do you think I feel?"

"I'm asking you," Carver pushed.

Kate gave a slight sigh and sat back in the armchair. She looked over towards the window. New York stretched out to the distance, a city finally free of a monster. She wasn't just here about her relationship with Rick. Doctor Burke probably knew that already. He also knew things about her that she didn't know. When it came to her own life she seemed to have a really big problem with being able to piece two and two together. If it was a murder board she saw connections all over the place.

"I feel great about it," Kate tried. "I'm glad we caught the guy." Ok, even that sounded detached to her own ears. Burke stared at her, waiting, patiently waiting. "I feel..." Kate tried again. "Confused."

"What are you confused about?"

"I just imagined it would happen differently."

Burke waited. Kate suppressed another eye roll. Well, she did bring it on herself, coming here to talk to him. What did she expect? Kate buried her stubbornness, relaxed her shoulders. She was here to work. So... ok. How did she expect it to be? "I thought it would be me. I thought that I would crack the case, figure out who was behind it all, bring them to justice."

"All by yourself?"

"Yes," Kate said. "Well no, I thought I'd have the guys with me."

"And Rick?"

"Yes," Kate said softly. "But mostly I wanted to show him."

"Show him?" Carver prompted after she was silent a moment.

"Show him I could do it."

Another pause.

"Show him that my mother's case didn't define me."

"By solving it?"

"I didn't say it was logical."

"And I'm not suggesting it wasn't."

Kate glanced down to pick at that fingernail again, worrying a shard loose.

"What else?" Doctor Burke prompted.

"Everyone's talking to me like I'm a hero."

"Aren't you?"

Kate gave him a disparaging expression. "I feel like I'm taking credit for something I didn't do."

"As I understand it, you had everything to do with it."

"Now that Mom's case is closed..." Kate tried a different tact, because that wasn't really what was bothering her, but she hesitated. She wasn't sure what she was trying to say. Burke waited on her patiently. "It feels like such a huge chapter has closed in my life. I became a cop to work that case and now that it's closed I wonder, was that the only reason I keep at it?" Kate paused. "I don't have to do it anymore. When my Mom died, and the bottom dropped out of my world, I remember thinking in despair that I had no idea what to do next." She paused, met his eye, held it firmly, hoped she was making some sense. "And now, thirteen years later, I find myself in almost the exact same place."

'_Every now and then I get scared the best of the years have gone by.'_

"Everything's changed," Kate mumbled, a funny feeling in her chest. It was a nervous feeling she got when she was so close to catching a killer but was afraid something would go wrong and blow the case.

"Everything changes Kate. It's how you deal with it that's important. You can't keep holding on to the past."

"I know," Kate looked up. "I _know_."

"Don't let your mother's case define you."

Kate nodded. "I'm trying not to."

"The way to change behaviours is to be aware of them," Carver went on. "When you find yourself pushing Rick away, stop, and think about what you're doing. Think about what it is that you really want, about who it is that you really want to be."

Kate thought about what he was saying. She could do that. That didn't seem so hard. She knew who she wanted to be, how she wanted to be, but she didn't necessarily know how to get from here to there.

"Do you know the story of 'The Tortoise and The Hare'?"

Kate gave one of her disbelieving but willing to listen expressions.

"Remember it's the tortoise that wins the race. You don't need to take on everything all at once. Prioritise the things you want to work on."

Kate picked at her fingernail again. Ok she could do that.

"What is the most important thing to you right now? Work or Rick?"

Kate looked up. Oh that one was easy. Without a doubt. "Rick," she answered easily.

**2.6**

Kate jogged along the street, attracting a few curious glances, as she ducked and dodged through the foot traffic, keeping her balance in her shoes. She had her phone in one hand, raised, the sound of ringing faint against vehicles, voices and her own breath in her ears. He was not picking up. And he was about to leave. She had to hurry up. She probably should have taken a cab, but the subway and her legs seemed faster, or easier, or was it that she just didn't want to sit still any longer? She couldn't risk a traffic jam.

Outside Rick's building, a yellow taxi was idling at the curb and Kate caught a flash of bright, long, red hair. Alexis. Kate kicked up the pace a little, a surge of delight spurring her on; they hadn't left yet!

**2.6**

"I'll call when we land," Rick promised. Geeze he was a grown man but his mother was still fluttering around him like a mother hen. At least she hadn't asked him if he had remembered to pack underwear. Heh.

"I feel like I've hardly seen you," Martha gave Alexis a tight hug. She gave her father a strangled look over her grandmother's shoulder. It was exaggerated but it still made him suppress a laugh.

"We spent all of yesterday together," Alexis pointed out.

"And you were away in the Hamptons," Rick pointed out. He checked his watch. "We have to go." Otherwise they were going to be late and Gina would stress. She had already threatened to send a car seeing as he had a habit for missing flights; he had promised he was a big boy.

Martha let Alexis go and she ducked into the waiting cab. Martha turned on Rick, held his face in her hands for a moment, gazing up at him, all soft eyes and maternal smiles. "Have fun."

"Of course," Rick smiled. "Love you mother."

"You too kiddo," she pulled his head down to kiss his cheek. Then she let him go and looked slightly over his shoulder. "Kate!"

Rick turned his head. Kate smiled, breathless, beautiful, confident. Her hair fell around her face, her cheeks were flushed, and wow she looked good. Rick stared. "Hey," she greeted them both. Then her eyes went to Rick's. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Uh," Rick started, feeling his heart thump in his chest. Wow she looked... she looked like she had run half a city block but in an incredibly sexy way. She took his arm, tugging him slightly towards her. Rick felt his legs moving but he was having a hard time reconciling his brain with the rest of his body. Kate moved them over towards the building, where a natural pocket was created amongst the pedestrians. It was also suitably out of earshot of his mother.

"Did you run here?" Rick asked.

"Yeah," Kate breathed. She slipped her hands into both of his, giving them a little squeeze. "I wanted to talk to you before you left."

"We talked," Rick started, pointing out the obvious; too slow to tell his mouth to shut up. He wasn't complaining. She wanted to spend more time with him before he left? He'd take it. Even if it was just for a second; it could really only be a second. She had looked upset when they'd said goodbye earlier that morning. And he didn't like leaving her that way. But now, she seemed so much brighter, lighter, happier... something must have happened.

"Yeah I know," Kate said, that smile in her eyes that made Rick's heart feel light. He hadn't seen it since before Maddox and... "But... I didn't get to..." She stepped forward, pressing her body against his lightly, her cheek against his. "I didn't get to tell you I love you," she whispered in his ear.

Rick felt his body freeze, his heart skip a beat, his breath stall in his throat and many other clichés he had written but never truly appreciated until this moment. Kate's cheek grazed against his as she pulled back. She looked him in the eye, the eye! A small smile played on her lips and her fingers were twined with his. Rick let out a puff of air, like she had just sucker punched him with that information. She _had_ just sucker punched him with that information.

Rick grabbed her then, pulling her in to kiss her. Crush her mouth more like. Sometimes, actions spoke louder than words. Rick didn't have words right now. He barely had coherent thoughts. He didn't quite realise how badly he wanted to hear those words from her lips until she had actually said them.

**2.6**

Kate let him kiss her. The look on his face when she said it, when she finally said the words... it was priceless. She was going to hold on to that while he was away and let it remind her. Stunned, yeah, but hopeful and delighted and just so utterly in love with her. She didn't know how else to describe it. That was the face that told her she was loved by this man. And it felt amazing. To know it, to feel it, to see it, to say it.

So she kissed him back, and then she pulled her hands free and she turned and walked away (she did have to get back to her chains after all). She didn't cry this time and she didn't feel like she was walking into despair. She felt good. Better. Lighter. She was in love and that was amazing. And when he got back, then they were going to start, really start. She was so looking forward that.

**2.6**

Rick lowered himself into the cab. Martha wished them luck (with a bit of a gloaty tone), closed the door and stood as the car pulled away. Rick barely acknowledged her. He kept seeing Kate. Her face, her eyes, her lips. Europe was all of a sudden feeling a bit like torture.

"What did Kate want?" Alexis asked nonchalantly.

Rick turned to look at her. He gave a slight smile. "Tell me she loved me."

Alexis's serious expression suddenly melted. "That's really great Dad."

"I know!" Rick enthused.

**2.6**

Kate jumped when her phone started to ring. She was in bed, in her pyjamas, teeth brushed, face washed, waiting. Waiting for him. "Hi," she answered the call a little breathlessly.

"That was cruel you know."

"What was?" Kate asked surprised.

"Telling me you love me and then walking away."

Kate smiled to herself. "It looked as though you needed some space to start breathing again," she told him smugly, her stomach bubbling with warmth. It was difficult keeping it out of her tone.

"Is it too late to call?" Rick's voice rumbled through the phone.

"No," Kate breathed. "How about for you?"

"Nope."

"How was your flight?"

"Uneventful. They didn't have those little bottles of whisky."

"Aw," Kate pouted.

"And I'm all wired."

"You'll be tired tomorrow."

"I know," Rick sighed. "Alexis is already out. I have no idea how she manages it."

"You're usually such a good sleeper."

"I know right?" Rick's voice got a little more exited. "I love that you know that," he lowered it again, so it was intimate, like he was in the room with her, whispering across the pillow, not the Atlantic.

"My sheets smell like you."

Rick gave a groan. "I wish I was there."

"Me too."

"Why, all of a sudden, did you tell me?"

"I wanted to."

"You didn't want to before?" Rick's voice was purposefully light. He wanted to pry, but he didn't want her to think he was.

"Of course I wanted to before. I just... didn't know how," Kate frowned to herself. "I think maybe I was a little afraid."

"And you're not afraid anymore?"

"No."

'_Forever's going to start tonight.'_

There was a moment's silence. Then: "Tell me again."

"I love you Rick," Kate whispered, feeling the tremor deep inside her. It had to be different from now, she had to be different. She had to try harder. She was _not_ going to screw this one up. Not when she felt so much, when she knew how precious it was. "I love you."

"I love you too Kate."

She grinned.


	17. Chapter 17

"Got a body," Esposito announced quietly. Ryan got to his feet wordlessly and started gathering his phone into his pocket. Kate looked over at them, trying not to look, trying not to be envious (was she really envious about a body?), trying not to feel them also looking over at her. Chained to her damn desk. This had seriously gone on long enough. Not only was she starting to develop a depressive disorder (yes it was an exaggeration but she was having no fun, no fun at all with Castle gone and her job sucking the big one) but so were the boys because now they were under pressure to close cases she usually took the heat for and, they were struggling a little to do so. Well not struggling, because they were good detectives too but she saw things they didn't and that meant she closed cases faster than others and oh, she was starting to sound as if she had an ego bigger than Castles.

The guys went for the elevator, desolate side long glances. Kate sighed. She waited for the doors to close and then pushed back her chair. The walking on eggshells thing was starting to get old. Really old. She marched straight for the Captain's office, knocked and let herself in without waiting to be invited.

Gates wasn't on the phone (phew) but she was still startled as Kate burst in, and, the detective could tell, immediately annoyed. "How long, Sir, is my punishment going to last? It's been two weeks. At this point it's not just me that is suffering out there. Ryan and Esposito are under more pressure without another set of eyes out there and the department's closure rate is falling."

Yes. She made it a point to find out. She had the time to.

"With all due respect," Kate went on. "I can't do my job properly from behind my desk, restricted to the precinct. I need to be out there in the field, seeing things and I know you think my technique is unorthodox but I get results.

Gates suddenly held up her hand and Kate stumbled to a stop. The rest of her argument vanished like evanescence.

"Get down to the shooting range so I can give you your gun back."

Kate was stunned for a second. Gates' gaze was heavy on her, unwavering. Surely it couldn't be that easy? Kate gave a nod, turned to head for the door before the Captain could change her mind or suddenly instigate different rules... or just... Tried to cage Kate again.

"Oh and Detective?"

Darn it. So close.

Kate turned back, two feet from the door. Two feet. She raised her eyebrows, attentive.

"It's been a relatively quiet week. Keep it that way."

"Yes sir."

**2.7**

The elevator was stuffy as Kate rode up. The body was a real mess too, having been left exposed in the summer air for two days before being discovered. Hell of a welcome back to being out in the field. But she would take it. She was not complaining. Nope. By the time she caught up with the case (with her piece, thank you Gates), it was at least, in the morgue. Still reeked though and it was... she felt she had been gone for so long that she was missing things. Thank god Castle was back today; he had a way of grounding her again. Her stomach skittled at the thought of him (even though they hadn't made a plan to hook up. She figured he was going to be jet lagged or something so didn't want to just assume that she'd see him. He was going to call) and she had to stop herself from grinning too hard.

She missed his warm smile and her morning coffee. Phone calls were just not the same as having him there; even if he called every night and text several times a day. Her apartment was too quiet, too devoid of his warmth. Although, she did enjoy spending time with Martha and they had dinner together a few nights, his place just reminded her too much that he wasn't around, so she avoided it.

Beside her Esposito cleared his throat a little. Behind her, Ryan sighed. "Man is it really hot in here?" He complained.

Esposito shot him a side long, dry glance out of the corner of his eye. "Bro. You're married."

"Oh ha ha," Ryan winged. Kate definitely had a smile to hide that time. He was right though. The elevator felt freaking stifling. She was going to change her shirt as soon as she got back to her desk. She was also pretty sure the stench of the body was lingering on her clothes. Either that or it had lodged itself in her nostrils. Blech.

She had also spent several days with her father; he came to stay. They talked about her mother a lot. They talked about the case. Kate took him to the FBI building. He got an official debrief from the lead agent now in charge of the case. A good agent, Mason Cash. Kate had met him several times before; Shaw had introduced them before she had left town again. Kate started getting updates. Instead of being immersed, this time she was slightly detached, and she could see how obsessive she had been about it, how blinded. She was aware of other things in her life now. Mostly she was aware that she missed Rick. She loved him and they hadn't had a chance yet. She felt ok about leaving her mother's case in someone else's hands for the first time ever. It was more ok, it felt good. Really good. She had let the case become a burden and she shouldn't have. She didn't feel guilty for letting it go this time; she knew her mother would more than understand. Kate had justice and she had closure, and now she had something else to work on.

The car finally came to a halt and the doors pinged open. The twelfth wasn't air conditioned but the temperature was still a lot cooler as it flooded over Kate's face. She went to step out and collided immediately with a bulky figure. The air in her lungs 'oofed' out of her and she brought up her hands to steady herself against the person. She was opening her mouth to utter an apology when she realised who it was. He had his back to her but as he turned his head she saw his profile and her heart leapt into her throat. "Castle!"

His smile was warm and brilliant and sent her lungs fluttering, while his blue eyes pierced into her heart, stilling it. "Hey. Beckett." And then the guys crowded in behind her. "Guys."

"Castle!" Ryan greeted enthusiastically.

"So you're back," Esposito, cool and nonchalant.

Rick's eyes were even more alive as he exchanged handshakes with the guys. They asked him about Europe. He raved about the weather and the places and the food (on the phone to Kate he raved about the reception the book was getting). "I was waiting for you guys but you were out with a body?" He looked at Kate.

She gave a slight smile, that one that was just for him, that excited 'oh my god you're here' smile. "Yeah," she started.

"A real stinker," Ryan went on. He pushed past them. "I need water."

"He gets cranky when he's hot," Esposito explained, following his partner.

Rick turned his head to watch them go, chuckling. Kate took his arm and tugged him to the side. Rick gave a little noise of surprise and let himself be dragged to the stair well. They didn't go in it, just stood by the door, around the corner, where it was partly secluded. "Hey so," Rick started, his eyes warm again.

"Why didn't you call me?" Kate demanded, the tightness in her chest threatening to explode everywhere. Twelve. Freaking. Days.

"I, uh, wanted to surprise you," Rick raised his eyebrows. Kate looked to the left, checking to see if anyone was there, then reached up to give him a quick kiss. A sort of lingering kiss, but still too brief, too chaste. Rick's breath was hot against her face as she pulled back. His eyes remained closed for a second longer, savouring, and then they were open and they were gazing into her soul. "You look good," he said.

Heart in her throat. Kate brushed her fingers around his ear, soft hair, soft skin, soft eyes. "You too," she murmured.

"I thought we weren't hiding?" Rick asked in the same low and even tone of voice, staring at her like there was nothing else in the world remotely interesting.

"We're not," Kate just about whispered back, withdrawing her hand, remembering where they were. "We're... being careful."

"How come?" Rick lowered his volume even more, reaching out to touch her hip.

Kate intercepted his hand instead, holding it between both of hers (mostly because she wasn't sure she could stand him touching her like that). "Because Gates just let me go look at an actual body and I don't want to push my luck."

"She still hates me?" Rick asked, a cross between a whine and disbelief.

"I don't think she hates you," Kate tried. Rick fixed her with a look. "You've been gone for over a week. I think she's liked you not being around. She got used to it and now you're back."

"Did she say something?"

"No she..." Kate shook her head. "I'll tell you later. When did you get here?"

"About ten minutes ago."

"When did you get back to New York?"

"About ten minutes ago."

Kate stared at him for a moment. She noticed the rumpled shirt, the tiredness around his eyes, the way his hair fell forward into his face. "You should go home."

"Wow I thought you'd be glad to see me," he pouted.

"I am," she squeezed his hand. "I am," she said again with more meaning, stepping forward a little. "But you must be jet lagged." Rick gave a slight shrug of agreement, as if he were considering her observation. "Go home and get some rest. Then come over later." Kate gave his hand a little shake, a nudge, _agree with me_. "After you've _slept_."

(So I can keep you up all night.)

"So you're _refreshed_."

(So I can keep you up all night.)

Rick grinned. "I got it."

"Ok."

"Ok," he agreed. "We could have dinner."

"I'll text you when I leave."

"Ok," Rick acquiesced again.

Kate gave his hand another shake, schooling her features. "Don't be late."

**2.7**

When Kate heard the knock at her door she practically flew across the living room. She had been pacing, waiting; she couldn't sit still. She had text him from the elevator of the twelfth on her way down to the street. And then she had waited, obsessively checking her phone every five minutes like a teenager, hoping for a response. She didn't get one though, even an hour and a half later.

It was Rick. Of course it was. "Hey," he greeted, his voice low and seductive, that warm smile of his turning her heart. She gave him a bright smile, reaching out for his hand to pull him in against her. She tugged his head down by the neck to kiss him. Properly this time; the welcome home she wanted to give him the moment she saw him (although she wasn't entirely complaining that he had come to the precinct as soon as he stepped off the plane). Kate closed her eyes, felt everything wash over her, the warmth of his lips, the scent of his skin, the power of his love. She opened her eyes to reach for the door and slammed it shut, then backed up slowly across her apartment to her bedroom. She unbuttoned his shirt as they went, pulling it back to his shoulders so she could smooth her fingers over his chest.

Rick gave a growl. "Kate."

"I love you," she whispered back, hands everywhere, wanting so much of him all at once.

'_I really need you tonight.' _

**2.7**

Rick dozed against Kate's pillow, breathing her in with every pull of his lungs. He felt her shift on the mattress, get up out of bed. He reached an arm for her, too late, and she was gone. Rick turned further into the pillow, wrapping an arm around it, wishing it was Kate. Mmmm Kate. She was warm and soft and she smelt so good. And they were together, finally, again. It felt so good, so right. He wanted her so much. All the time. Especially when she was so... strong and vivacious. That was his favourite kind of Kate. He was glad to come home and find her... ok. On the phone there were good days and bad days and he loved that she was sharing them with him, all of them, but he did want her to be happy. And she seemed happy. That made him happy.

"Hey sleepyhead," Kate's voice was soft.

"Hm?" Rick murmured. Ooohhh he could smell warm cheese.

"Want some of this?"

Rick pried his eyes open. Kate was nudging him with something. A box. A pizza box. She was settling on the bed next to him, wearing his shirt (oh god so sexy), lifting the lid. The warm food smell got stronger and Rick felt his stomach growl. "Yes," he shifted so he was sitting, pulling the sheet up against his legs. Kate gave him that knowing kind of flirty smile and turned the box towards him.

Rick reached for a slice. Cheese and pepperoni. This was so going to work out. She ordered the right pizza. No tiny, boneless, fishy fish. "Please tell me you opened the door wearing that."

Kate gave a slightly incredulous eye roll. "Does it look like I'm wearing anything else?"

Rick thought about saying 'underwear?' (not that he could tell) but her question was rhetorical. It was flirty. His stomach clenched in a different way and he gave a groan. She could quite possibly be the death of him. And it would entirely be the perfect way to go. Kate laughed lightly, nibbling at her pizza. "Tell me what happened with Gates?" Rick changed the subject.

Kate's face got serious again. "I guess probation is up."

"And?" Rick raised his eyebrows again, talking around a mouthful of carbohydrates. "You said she said something to you about me?"

Kate almost rolled her eyes again as she swallowed. "She said that it had been a rather quiet week," Kate looked at him pointedly and he got the hint too. "And it would be a shame to disrupt the new sense of... 'understanding', was the word she used, that we had in the department now."

Rick turned up his nose. "That sounded incredibly vague."

"And yet you should have seen her face."

"I bet," he murmured, reaching for another slice. "When did you order this?"

"When you were asleep."

"I was not asleep," he responded indignantly. He had slept most of that day. And on the plane. But he must have been. Because he hadn't heard her on the phone.

Kate reached out with a hand, smoothed it along his jaw. "Poor baby's all worn out."

Rick gave her a grin. "I wonder why."

Kate smiled bashfully (bashfully!), "Well you were gone for twelve days."

Rick took another bite of his pizza. It was good. He checked the box and saw the name of the local pizza joint; he didn't know it. He was going to have to stop by there a bit more often. He was pretty sure he was going to be spending _a lot_ of time in this neighbourhood.

"You are coming back to the twelfth right?"

Rick looked up to Kate's face again. Inscrutable. Which he took to mean she was concerned. And that he hadn't been listening to her. "Yeah of course," he responded. Kate gave a slow nod of understanding and maybe a little glimmer of relief. "You think the wicked witch of the west is enough to keep me away?"

Kate gave a slight smile. "It's not just Gates."

"The mayor was re-elected," Rick pointed out. Because it had been Bane's 'people' who were behind the frame job last year that had almost kept Rick's friend out of politics. And now that Bane was gone, and his little empire was collapsing, good men were getting to rise up into their rightful places.

"Yeah but Nikki Heat?"

"Oh that. I don't have to be writing Nikki to stay do I?"

"No," Kate conceded, placing her thumb in her mouth and slowly sucking the grease off it. Rick stared. Oh. Oh. God. So. Sexy. Seriously. Death. Of. Him. "But what if you need another muse for another character?"

Rick watched her hand drop back to her lap and all that thigh. He wondered if she did have underwear on. He couldn't tell and she had been known to strut around with none before. What if the pizza guy had noticed? Rick could just imagine the guy ogling her. Shit if he were in that position and...

"Rick!"

"Huh?"

"Your muse," Kate prompted.

"Oh." She was talking. Pay attention. Rick cleared his throat, brushed crumbs off his fingers, decided he wanted another piece anyway. "You're my muse." He took a large bite. Kate gave a huff, a good-natured roll of her eyes, and leaned back against her pillow. The shirt rode up high and Rick's eye was drawn. His chewing slowed as he stared at the smooth expanse of her thigh. He still couldn't tell if... "Ok just tell me," he closed his eyes, squeezed them, then looked at her face. She had her eyebrows raised, waiting for him to go on. "Are you wearing underwear?"

Kate stared at him for a second, amusement all over her features. Her hand dropped to the hem of the shirt. She flicked it up for him to see. "Yes."

Rick managed to breathe again, even though he just copped an eyeful of black lace (just for him, that's what she had said). "I talked to Black Pawn. They're deciding if they want more Nikki books. Well they do want more Nikki books, but they're deciding how many more exactly."

Kate smiled. "That's great."

"Great because it's a good excuse for me to be at the twelfth?"

Disparaging eye roll.

"What else?" Rick asked, changing the subject and his pizza slice. "What else do we need to catch up on?" Even though they had talked every day. There were always things kept for face to face conversations.

Kate thought for a moment. "You know Smith?"  
"Yes," Rick turned his attention to her, his gaze intense because her tone was.

"He knew Bane. They had business together."

Wow ok he wasn't expecting that. Or for her to just... launch into it. "What kind of business?"

"Bane funded Smith's election to congress."

"Smith was a congressman?"

"Once upon a time."

"So Bane used the money from the ransoms to get Smith elected?"

"Large anonymous donations from his off shore accounts."

"And in return?"

Kate gave a shrug. "That's all I know so far. They're connected."

Rick nodded. "You've been keeping tabs on the progression?"

"Yes," Kate admitted. "But just a little."

"It's ok," Rick told her, feeling the need to reassure. "That you are. You should."

"I promised."

Rick shook his head. "No. Don't promise that. That's not a promise I want."

Kate studied him for a moment. "I can't go back."

"I know. But it's not the same now."

"Everything's changing," Kate murmured but it didn't seem as though she were talking to him specifically.


	18. Chapter 18

Rick was a cuddler, but there must have been something wrong with him last night because not only did he sleep through the pizza order earlier in the evening, he also apparently slept through Kate escaping his arms, a phone call, a shower and a kiss goodbye (although, he was pretty sure he had a hazy memory of that bit. Or maybe it was just that there were so many he could recall an image to fit the situation). When Rick woke, the bed was empty, the sheets cold, and he was alone. Kate wasn't in the room or the bathroom, and after he got out of bed, he realised she wasn't even in the apartment. Which was a little strange and a little lonely. Then he found the note in front of the coffee pot. Kate's handwriting:

_Morning Sleepyhead. _

_Got a body. _

_Too cute to wake you. _

_Call or come by. _

_xxxx_

Heh, it was like reading her notes in her case files. All precision, no wasted pronouns or compound sentences. Rick folded the note carefully and went to put it on the bench for retrieval later (when he had pants on with pockets). Then he spotted something else. A key. Just sitting there on the bench. He picked it up. It was bronze. Not the key he had given her to his loft. Which meant... This was a key to her place. She had given him a key to her place.

Rick grinned, warm and full again.

**2.8**

Kate marked the time of death on the murder board's timeline, courtesy of Lanie. An identification was going to take a little longer; no fingerprints in the system and dental looked to be a bit of a wreck, so maybe no records. The woman was not in the best of health. It looked like she had been sleeping on the streets for a while. Kate wondered what had befallen her in life that she had ended up without a home.

"Hey gorgeous."

Kate jumped a mile, dropping the white board marker, which clattered against the ledge of the white board and then to the ground. "Jesus Castle!" She hissed, turning, glaring. He had that self satisfied smirk on his face and he was reaching for her, like he was going to hug her or kiss her and though it hurt her a little to do it, mostly because she really wanted that hug or kiss, she batted his hands away and backed up.

"I brought you coffee," Rick pointed to her desk, like that meant he had earned his right, his face just a little disappointed.

Kate brushed past him, flustered. "You can't call?"

"When was I meant to call?"

"Uh when you got back to New York?" Kate lowered her voice as she turned on her toe to face him, her cheeks just a little red. "When you were going to come over last night? When you woke up this morning?"

"Oh see I thought the note said 'call me _or_ come by'," Rick started digging in his pocket for the evidence.

Kate grabbed his wrist, a little panicked. "You brought that with you?"

"It's the first love note you've written me. I'm going to carry it around in my wallet," he smirked.

"Tell me you're kidding?" Kate asked hopefully.

"Sorry no," Rick shook his head slightly, half closing his eyes like he was praying, like it was the best thing he had ever heard, like he was totally savouring it. He opened his eyes again, pierced her with them, making her breath harder to control. "By the way, I got the key."

Kate tried not to smile, while she also looked incredibly awkward, and tried to hush him with her eyes, and Rick got the impression he was pushing her, maybe pushing her before she was ready. He knew she struggled and he didn't mind being patient. He had been four years patient. It was ok now, he could wait just a little more. "So where are we on the case? And for the record, you could have woken me this morning," he shot her a quick meaningful glance out of the corner of his eye as he turned towards the board.

Kate cleared her throat, gave a slight frown, moved past him again. "So far Jane Doe. Blunt force trauma. Uni's are searching the area for a weapon but it's not looking promising," Kate checked her watch. They had been out there for several hours now.

Rick stepped up next to her, studying the spare notes, the photo of the victim. "Pretty."

"Yeah," Kate agreed absently. Pretty and dead. It didn't matter who they were...

"Uni's are still canvassing," Ryan stepped up to them. He held up two plastic baggies with the red evidence seal along the top. "But they did find these."

Kate studied each item. A length of wood and a length of pipe. "Maybe the pipe," she mused. "Take them to Lanie, see if she can do a wound match, then the lab."

"Will do. Hey Castle."

"Ryan," Rick greeted with a nod. The other detective moved away. Kate went to get her coffee. Rick stared at the board again. "Did she have anything on her?"

"Nothing."

"No jewellery? Nothing in her pockets?"

"Nope," Kate gave a half shrug.

"She had nothing on her but her clothes?"

Kate gave him a 'yeah so what?' look and sipped her beverage again.

"That's odd," Rick mused.

"In what way? She was living on the streets by the look of her."

"So wouldn't she have every possession she owns with her?"

Well maybe... "Or she could have left them somewhere safe during the day."

"But usually the most precious things would be on her person," Rick went on.

"Ok so you think it's a robbery?"

"Maybe. But you don't know that it wasn't for sure right?"

"Well... no," Kate admitted, putting her cup down.

"Look, she dyes her hair," Rick pointed to the roots, which were, admittedly, darker in an even amount all over.

"So?"

"Well if she was living on the street it can't have been more than... what a few months tops?"

Kate got up and went over to look at the photo on the board of her Jane Doe. The shot Rick was pointing to was of the woman lying on the street, her head turned to the side, blonde hair, splayed out behind her, dirty, but the regrowth clearly visible.

"Based on the growth of her hair," Rick finished.

"What are we looking at?" Esposito made Rick jump.

"Geeze," Rick complained.

"It's annoying huh?" Kate asked him under her breath.

"Her hair," Rick answered Esposito. "She dyes her hair."

"So?"

"It means up until a month or so ago she was taking care of her appearance," Rick pointed out.

Esposito gave a 'hmph.'

"Espo, will you run our Jane Doe's details through missing persons. See if someone is missing her."

"Sure," Javier agreed and moved away again.

Rick turned to Kate with a grin. "It's good to have me back right?"

Kate rolled her eyes at him and went back to her desk.

But it was.

**2.8**

Rick watched Kate on the phone, getting details from Ryan about the wound matches. Lanie was making a case of the pipe. She had also sent trace from the wound to the lab as well. It really was good to be back in the middle of it all. It felt a bit like coming home. Really coming home, in the warm fuzzy sense of the word, not just back to his loft.

"Ok," Kate said one last time and ended the call.

"Let me take you to dinner tonight," Rick leaned toward her a little, heart fluttering at the way her eyes were intense, the way her hair curled around her face, the soft line of her jaw, the sharper line of her cheek bones... oh god she was just so beautiful.

Kate's cheeks went just that little bit red which meant she was flustered. She looked around surreptitiously for a second before leaning towards him and lowering her voice to practically a whisper. "Yes but don't ask me that kind of thing here."

"Why not?"

"Because," Kate shot him a pointed look.

Rick gave her innocents.

"Because it's already tenuous..."

"With Gates, yeah I got it. So we can't talk about anything at all to do with us at all while we're here?"

Kate watched him for a moment. "Yes," she tried. "I know it sounds slightly ridiculous but I don't want to give Gates an excuse..."

"To punish you again?" Rick cut in.

"To kick you out," Kate finished.

"Aw," Rick beamed. "You totally need me."

Esposito approached. "Got a pop on our Doe." He handed over a file. "Need who?" He turned to Rick.

Rick looked to Kate, who was busy with the folder, then up at Esposito. "You guys. Totally need me."

"That's her," Kate agreed, referencing the photo in the file. She turned it for the information sheet beneath. "Kelly Fisher."

"Bro we did just fine with you gone. Hardly noticed."

"Ouch. Why do you cut me so deeply?" Rick placed a hand over his heart like it was giving him pain.

"Cos you're sleeping with the boss," the detective gestured towards where Kate was sitting at her desk. Kate looked up suddenly, surprised. Rick looked stunned and even Esposito looked shocked for a moment. It was an epic Ryan-styled blunder.

"Beckett's your boss?" Rick asked into the silence.

"Well you know," Javier tried to back track. "More like supervisor," he mumbled. "Sort of..."

Kate shoved the file back at him, almost as embarrassed as he was. "Contact next of kin. I want to be sure she's our victim before we start making announcements."

"Uh huh, sure," Esposito took the file and shuffled away.

"Wow," Rick turned to Kate with an excited smile. "That was incredibly revealing..."

Kate opened her mouth to... say she didn't know what but she was interrupted.

"Beckett. Castle. I'll see you a moment," Gates called from her office.

The smile faded from Rick's face quickly. He mouthed an 'uh oh' to Kate as she got up from her desk. He fell in behind her as they headed across the bull pen to the Captain's office. He turned and closed the door once they had arrived, then joined Kate standing to attention on the other side of the Captain's desk.

"So you're back," Gates stared at Rick. He was pretty sure that was rhetorical. And wow there was some serious heat in her gaze. "And you two are together?" She went on. Yep rhetorical, good call.

"Sir," Kate started.

"You're going to keep it professional," Gates pointed a finger.

"Of course, sir," Kate tried again.

"Or you're out," Gates turned the finger on Rick.

"Nothing but professional," he promised.

Another steely glare. And that was it. They were dismissed.

"Totally thought she had warmed up to me," Rick muttered as they went back to Kate's desk.

She gave him a sympathetic expression. "Me too."

Rick quirked an eyebrow.

"But I guess she just manipulated you to get what she wanted."

"I feel so used."

Kate sat and scooted her chair forward towards her desk again. "She's just restamping her authority."

"Ooooh right yeah because you totally gave her a serve," Rick's eyes lit up.

"It wasn't like that," Kate tried.

"It sounded awesome."

"Beckett," Esposito called across the bullpen. "Lanie got a positive ID on medical records. Family's heading to the morgue now to do a visual."

Kate pushed her chair back. "Let's go."

**2.8**

Rick watched Kate on the phone again. She was totally absorbed, speaking with the old detective. The case was taking stranger and stranger turns. Cold cases were creeping up out of the floorboards. Now it was late and Kate was on the phone, just as mesmerising as before. Rick hadn't made dinner reservations, he knew how a case could suddenly take a twist, but he had hoped to take her out somewhere, getting a table at the last minute. Now he was thinking even that was going to be unrealistic. Kate would be tired and she'd want to go home and change and that meant they could very well be eating a ten o'clock, which wasn't so bad really but he was starving!

Rick thought about what Kate had said earlier in the day, about keeping his distance while they were at work. Kate wanted work as work and private stuff as private. He wasn't entirely sure he could do that (how could he? She was Kate) but he would try, because he knew how important her job was, he could see the flicker of fear that Gates was watching. And what was with Gates? Was she really that manipulative? Maybe clever, yeah, but to really play him like that? He wasn't sure. He turned in his seat to look over at the Captain's office. The light went out and she approached the door. Rick turned around quickly again, lest he be busted.

Kate glanced over at him and Rick shot her an apologetic expression. He jigged his leg, fidgeting like a five year old. Oh man he was so hungry. He wondered if there was any food in the break room he could steal. Oh the vending machines! He got to his feet, reaching around to dig out his wallet. Kate grabbed for his wrist, giving his shirt sleeve a tug. He looked down at her.

'Go home,' she mouthed, pointing to her father's watch.

Rick shook his head. Kate nodded. Rick mouthed 'vending machines' at her. Kate shook her head. She pointed to the elevators, jerking a hand over her shoulder. "Uh huh," she said into the phone and jotted something down on her pad of notes.

Rick went to walk away again, thinking she was distracted, but her hand shot out to his wrist again, snagging his shirt sleeve once more. She looked up at him. 'Go home,' she tried again, her eyes sympathetic. Rick pursed his stubborn lips and shook his head. Kate wrote something on her note pad and underlined it. Then nudged it towards Rick: _Cook. Half an hour._

She looked up at him, eyebrows hopeful. Rick gave a nod and she let him go this time. He reached for his sports coat. As he put it on Kate focussed on her conversation again. The detective had moved out west but he must have been providing good detail and background for Kate to persist with the phone interview. Rick folded the coat over his arm and turned back to Kate. They were practically alone in the precinct now. Kate had sent the guys home a while ago and now with the Captain gone, the bullpen was empty. Rick did a quick check anyway, while Kate was writing something else down, then leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him, startled, slight colour in her cheeks. But then there was the hint of a smile and her eyes softened and Rick felt her expression in his gut.


	19. Chapter 19

Kate stepped up to Rick's apartment door and raised her hand to knock; habit. Then she remembered she was meant to use her key and stumbled through her pocket to get at it. She had managed to get away earlier than she thought and had sent a text to Rick to let him know she was on her way already. Kate inserted the key in the lock, her heart going a little faster, but it twisted easily and she pushed the door open, a little tentatively; this was going to take some getting used to. They were all sitting at the breakfast bar. Well Rick and Alexis were, Martha had a glass of wine in hand, and was leaning against the end. But as Kate went in they all turned to stare at her and if it wasn't awkward enough for her before, it freaking was now.

"Hi," she said cautiously, coming further into the apartment, feeling completely like she had overstepped her place; too late to turn back now and make a run for it.

Rick broke into a smile. "I got your text."

"Oh great," Kate closed the door; a momentary reprieve with her back to the room.

"Let's serve up!" Martha announced.

"You haven't eaten?" Kate approached.

"We waited for you," Alexis answered, slipping from her bar stool. Rick gave Kate a nod, another of those warm smiles.

"Richard, pour the girl some wine," Martha instructed and then turned to Alexis to supervise the dinner service. Rick got to his feet and reached over the bench for the bottle of red and as Kate approached she placed a hand in the small of his back, letting is slide down over his ass. He startled a little, turning to her with surprise; she gave him a slight smile. Flirting was ok when they were at home.

**2.9**

Rick sat in bed, his laptop against his thighs, sheet acting as a barrier so his skin didn't get burnt, fingers working rapidly against the keys. When they'd gone to bed, and he as waiting for Kate to shower, he figured he'd write up a few ideas for the next Nikki Heat. If there was one. The way Frozen Heat was selling, he was pretty sure Black Pawn would go for at least another book, maybe more. He wanted that. He wasn't done with writing Nikki yet. But now it had been at least an hour since he had started typing and he was blocking out scenes and chapters while Kate, given up on waiting, had turned over to go to sleep. He liked that she didn't harass him to put the light out... but another part of him wanted her to insist, to persuade.

He wanted her to want him as much as he wanted her.

Rick looked down to the right of the screen at the clock there and did a double take. Ok it had been waaaay more than an hour or so. It was more like two and a half-ish hours. He saved his document, figuring he could flesh out those other chapters from the Kate-styled notes tomorrow, and closed the laptop lid. He leaned over the bed to put the computer on the floor, tucking it close against the baseboard so he wouldn't stand on it when he got up in the morning, and eased himself back to the mattress carefully. Surely Kate had to be asleep by now and he didn't want to disturb her. He twisted an arm back awkwardly to the lamp to put the light out and lay still, practically holding his breath until it eased into a steadier rythym.

"Finally," Kate muttered and she was suddenly right there. She found his arm, used it to pull herself closer and press a kiss to his bare right shoulder (way too hot to be sleeping in anything but boxers on with Kate in his bed).

"I thought you were asleep," Rick whispered.

"Mmm maybe I was," Kate murmured, sounding sleepy despite her nonchalance. Her hands slid down his forearm. "Ow god your hand is freezing." Rick flexed his fingers but she trapped them between both of hers. "What were you writing?"

"Just notes."

Rick felt her head shift from his shoulder, turning up. His eyes had not adjusted to the dark at all but he knew she was looking at him. It was a strange position to be in; she could see him, but he could not see her. He felt her shift again, her feet pushing against the mattress to lift her higher. She connected with his jaw, lips and teeth and he felt a shiver go through his own body. He reached out with his right hand, over his stomach, to touch her but she shied away before he even got close. "No way are you touching me with your icicle hands."

"Aw," Rick complained.

"No way," Kate repeated, snagging his fingers and bringing his other hand up so all four of their hands were pressed together in a bunch.

"I know a way to warm them up," Rick suggested, dropping his voice low to that rumble that made funny expressions of longing and struggle pass over Kate's face; he wished he could see in the dark. He lifted himself from the bed, turning over so he was on his side, bumping into her body; she didn't move away from him.

"No," Kate whispered but she didn't sound confident.

Seeing as Rick still could barely see a thing, he brought his head forward slowly until he nudged her chin. With a reference point he worked his way to her mouth. She opened for him, kissing him hotly, her grip on his hands tightening but not letting go. Rick was pretty sure he could break free easily enough, but he stayed, sapping the warmth from her fingers and mouth, leaning on his elbow, pressing against her. When he ran out of air he shifted to trailing kisses along her jaw, searching his way with his nose, brushing against her soft skin and breathing her in at the same time.

"Do you think every one's asleep now?"

Rick gave a grunt. "Yeah at this hour I'd say so."

"Why? What time is it?"

Uh oh.

"Ah it's late," Rick shifted his hands free, turning her over on to her back, a hand against the mattress to steady himself. Kate put her hands against his chest and he flinched a little; now they were cold.

"How late?" Kate pressed against his chest.

"Sort of one-ish."

"Ish?"

"Yeah you know, after one," Rick pushed back against her hands, wanting to get close again. He could see the outline of her head now, different shadows of her eyes and nose and mouth.

"How far after one?" Kate asked suspiciously.

"Ah about half past one."

More like quarter to two.

"Geeze," Kate sighed but she let the pressure in her hands go and Rick almost fell against her. He went back to kissing her neck and she let him, her hands trailing down over his skin, nails scratching lightly, teasing. Rick gave another growl. "Be quick," Kate whispered.

**2.9**

"Hey."

Rick started to wake. His face was mashed into the mattress and his leg was twisted strangely beneath him.

"Sleepy head," Kate called.

Rick closed his mouth, swirled his tongue to dampen his dry mouth; he was probably snoring. "Sorry," he muttered and shifted a little, finding the pillow and tugging it beneath his head. He heard Kate laugh and her hand combing the hair at the back of his head. Mmm, that felt nice.

"Sorry for what?"

"Snoring."

Kate gave a snort. "I'm getting used to it."

Rick supposed that was a good thing. At least, it didn't sound like she was complaining. Kate was getting used to sleeping with him. Heh.

"I'm going now."

Rick pried open an eye. Brilliant sunshine and a fully dressed and made up Kate kneeling on the mattress next to him, shoes on and hair done. Rick blinked, then turned onto his shoulder a little, tried again with both eyes. Kate's hand slipped away but she watched him, slightly amused or... no... warm smiles, happy smiles, adoring. "You're up?"

"I'm up and I'm heading to work."

"What time is it?"

"Seven thirty."

"Geeze," Rick complained, feeling sluggish. He was going to take forever to get going this morning. He hoped she had made coffee. He wondered if anyone else was up yet. A shower would help. He started to sit and Kate pushed him gently back.

"You don't have to get up."

"You want to leave?"

"Yeah I'm leaving but you don't have to get up yet. I just wanted to tell you I was going."

"You don't want me to come with you?"

"Geeze you're slow in the morning."

"Coffee," Rick muttered.

Kate leaned forward, placed both hands on his cheeks and stared him in the eye. "I'm going to work. When you wake up, I'll see you there."

Oh Rick got it. She was going in early. And she was just waking him to tell him she was leaving. Rick gave a slight smile. "Ok got it."

"Also," Kate kept her hands where she was. "Tonight, let's stay at my place."

Rick's smile went to smirk. "What, don't you like my apartment?"

Kate returned his smile, "Yeah but it can get a little crowded don't you think?"

"Right."

"But don't bring your laptop. If you need to write, do it before you come to the twelfth."

**2.9**

Kate sent Rick home ahead of her again for two reasons: the first was that she and the guys had made an arrest and she was going to merely finish up the paper work before knocking off herself; an hour, tops. The second was that he hadn't actually cooked her dinner last night, his mother had, so he still technically owed her one and she was cashing in. She felt pretty good. It had been a great day. An arrest was always a good thing but it wasn't just that. She was feeling calm, like she was starting a new routine, a new life, after three weeks, finally, she was settling; Rick had managed to behave himself today.

Kate rode the elevator up to her floor, tapping her apartment key against her finger. The doors popped open and she stepped out, already smiling. Some undivided Rick time sounded pretty good about now.

When Kate got to her apartment door and slipped the key in, she twisted it to the left. And then she hesitated. It was already unlocked. Her right hand hovered near the gun on her hip, half thinking she was being paranoid, while her left pushed the door forward, dread and adrenaline rocketing through her. Something was wrong, she knew it, it was wrong; she was pulling her gun, bringing it up. Rick wouldn't leave the door open like that. As the door cleared the space Kate had her gun in both hands and she was right to do so. Maddox stood there, right in the centre of the entranceway space, not in the kitchen, not in the living room, but not close enough to the door either. And he had Rick, shielding him in front, one hand on his shoulder, the other pointing a gun directly at the back of his head.

Fuck.

There was nowhere for Kate to go. If Maddox had decided to take a shot at her she would have copped the bullet easily. Fear squeezed her guts, narrowed her vision, toyed with her breath. Her chest throbbed suddenly, reminding her how vulnerable she was, how fragile the human body really was, how breakable Rick was.

"Detective," Maddox spoke, his voice calm and low, not alarmed, no hints of adrenaline; totally in control. "Welcome home. Come in."

Kate hesitated, her stomach a storm of roiling tension. Rick was staring at her and she could see even from several meters away he was tense and scared. They both knew exactly what Maddox was capable of.

"Come on," Maddox encouraged flatly. Kate had both arms raised, the muscles already screaming out from the tension. "And maybe lower the gun." Kate forced her legs to move out of her defensive stance, the one she had adopted automatically, trying to make herself a smaller target, and took a step into the doorway. This was wrong. She should have taken cover outside the apartment, called out, called for backup. But Rick... Rick was in there. She didn't lower the gun.

When Kate was a few feet inside Maddox gave a little incline of his head; that was far enough. "Close the door," he instructed.

Shit she didn't want to. She didn't want to close off escape. And she was so exposed, nowhere to hide. Her throat was dry and Rick was scared and she didn't know what to do; her mind was surprisingly blank. Once again, no one would have any idea of the trouble she was in. Ryan had gone home to his wife, Esposito to she didn't know what. But gone, both of them, to their lives and here she was preparing to kiss hers goodbye.

Second most desirable outcome: Maddox dead, Rick alive.

"Now, you and I have unfinished business," Maddox went on. "But I'm going to hold on to your boyfriend here awhile to make sure we can deal properly ok?"

Kate's arms ached and she didn't answer. She barely moved, barely breathed, barely dared. Rick kept utterly still; she couldn't read him. No anger or desperation, just fear and she was sorry. '_Please forgive me_,' she shot at him with her eyes, hoping he understood. She didn't mean to do this to him. Not again, not in the first place, not ever. She never, ever intended to hurt him.

"Detective Beckett," Maddox called. "Put the gun down."

Kate shook her head. She could see now, Maddox had the safety off his handgun, he meant business, and that meant one slip of his finger and Rick's brains would be all over her apartment. No, no, no, no... Please no.

Cole gave a slight smile. "Deals off then. Do you understand?"

Like she had anything to bargain with anyway. Unless sacrificing herself counted. She could still do that, try and plead for Rick's life at least.

"Ok," she said softly. "Ok," she forced her elbows to unlock their stance, to pull the gun back toward her. She saw a flicker on Rick's face then. He was telling her no. But she wasn't listening to him. He didn't get it. She couldn't make him a martyr, no matter how much he might want to die her hero. She'd never forgive herself. He already was her hero.

"On the floor," Maddox indicated with his head again, his grip never losing focus on the gun or on Rick.

Kate crouched a little, moving slowly, keeping her fingers free of the trigger, her eyes on Maddox the whole time, thinking, thinking, thinking; how was she going to get out of this? She put the gun on the hardwood floor of her apartment. The metal was heavy and comforting and she did not want to let it go; she felt even more fragile without it in her hand, on her hip. Maddox didn't make her kick it over or step away from it. He could drop her faster than she could move anyway. They both knew that. They all knew that. Rick looked dejected now, little shifts of his face, the way his shoulders drooped. He had been holding on to her as hope; she was his hero. Kate spotted his phone on the ground a few feet away from him, a smashed pile of plastic.

Kate stood again, her thighs burning with the controlled movement, her hands feeling useless now she was without her weapon, and her side throbbed where the surgical scar was, chiming in that she was exposed, easily breakable; Maddox had done it before. So this was it. She was just going to get shot in her apartment? She didn't get to fight back; like the roof. She hated that Maddox liked to toy with her. Would she have preferred a bullet from nowhere, or like this, knowing it was coming.

"Let him go," Kate spoke, sounding stronger than she felt. "It's me you want right? You can have me but you let him go."

Rick's eyes went a little wider. Kate tried not to look at him.

Maddox laughed. "You're not in the position to negotiate."

"Then what do you want?"

"You Detective. I always get my mark."

"I'm right here," Kate challenged, feeling bold. Feeling pissed off actually. If he was just going to kill her then he should just fucking do it. Like she was going to let him take control, drag this thing out; it had been bad enough the last time. She was tired of this whole affair. The whole Bane emporium. It was like cutting the head off the beast only to have two grow back in its place. "So go ahead."

Pure surprise on Rick's face now, and the sway of his body, a tightening of his hands. But he kept quiet and he kept still; didn't do anything stupid. A flare of emotion through Kate; please don't do something stupid Rick.

Maddox turned the gun towards her and Kate decided that if she was going to go, she would at least go down fighting, not in a fucking firing squad. So she kicked her gun forward, towards Rick (she hoped, but it was more for the distraction), and ducked a split-second later. She heard a shot go off (like she expected) as she used the momentum of her body to propel herself forward. There was less distance than she thought between them. She tackled into Maddox's legs and he tipped backwards, cracking the gun down against her back; crippling pain blossomed along her spine, grasped at her ribs. And then another shot and she was clawing herself backwards, the breath in her chest tight, trying to regain her balance, wanting to know she could still move, she could still breath, she was still alive.

She reached for Maddox's gun, wrenched it from his grip as she got to her knees, a little stunned that it seemed to be too easy; he didn't fight back. She was unable to stand, her legs were shaking. She trained the gun on the hit man, dressed all in black, his dark eyes staring up at the ceiling. And then she stopped. Red was creeping across the floor towards her. That wasn't... it wasn't hers? She didn't feel... Oh! She turned, saw Rick standing over her with her smoking gun in his hand, a stunned expression on his face.

It wasn't his either.

Kate forced herself to stand this time, dropping the clip out of Maddox's gun, letting both halves fall to the ground with a loud thudding. She clasped both hands around her own gun and Rick's fingers; they were shaking ever so slightly, but she felt it. She pulled the gun from his grip gently, returned it carefully to her holster; were her hands shaking too? Then she took his hands again; he had barely started to drop them. And he kept staring at Maddox's body; Kate didn't need to check, she knew he was dead. She wasn't even sure she would try to keep him alive if he wasn't.

"Hey," Kate murmured, tugging Rick away, turning him so he had his back to the assassin; his gaze fell on hers. "It's over." He gave a trusting nod. "Are you ok?" She gave him a quick once over with her eyes, looking for obvious signs of injury. She saw the mark on his jaw then; Maddox must have hit him.

There was a bang on the door. "Hey is everything ok in there?" It was probably Mr Mason from next door.

"Rick," Kate just about whispered. "Are you ok?"

"Hey I'm calling the police!" Mason called.

"Rick," Kate urged, squeezing his hands. "Tell me."

"I'm ok," Rick muttered.

Kate wrapped her arms around him.


	20. Chapter 20

Kate finished her statement with IA and looked over to Rick. He was sitting on her couch, subdued, probably in shock. A paramedic was giving him the once over but Rick seemed oblivious to the manhandling. Lanie had been on call this evening and she was going over the body with Esposito, even though, technically, her team should be nowhere near this case. This was going to be an open and closed one; Rick had shot Maddox. Self-defence. No mystery there. Kate felt cold and crossed her arms over her chest. She wanted a sweatshirt but it felt wrong to go off to her bedroom and get one. Cops were all over her apartment, retrieving the bullet from the wall by the front door, photographing, talking to her neighbours. All of it was a violation of her space.

"Detective," Gates approached.

Kate turned slightly, keeping Rick in her line of sight. He was thanking the EMT. She guessed.

"I'm sure IA will clear this."  
Kate nodded. "Thank you Sir."

"I assume you have somewhere else to stay tonight?"

Kate nodded, just a little embarrassed. It felt a bit like talking about sex with her father. "Yes."

Gates nodded, her lips pursed, but that protectiveness about her that Kate was starting to finally see. The Captain did care; she just had a different way of showing it. She wasn't Montgomery and maybe Kate hadn't been fair to her. "Well make sure you get some rest. You're on stand down."

"Uh, Sir, actually," Kate started. Gates raised an eyebrow, her dark eyes boring into Kate's. "I was wondering if I could take a few more days?"

**2.10**

Ryan and Esposito were waiting on her to finish with Gates; when the call went out, they showed up. She approached them and they were all grim expressions and hints of concern. But there was nothing for them to tell her in regards to evidence or a timeline, she had been there. "I'm going to take Rick home," she told them.

"We'll take care of it," Esposito responded.

"Thanks guys," Kate gave them grateful eye contact. They nodded. No jokes this time. Too soon. Too close (her heart palpitated at the thought).

"Is this?" Ryan started. Esposito's eyes flickered to him and Kate raised an eyebrow slightly, inviting him to go on. "Has he shot someone before?"

And Kate thought 'yes of course he has, you know that' but that wasn't what Ryan meant. He meant had Rick killed someone before. Oh she hadn't even thought of that. But she shook her head, no he hadn't, it wasn't in his police file and nor did his name pop on any other cases in the system (and yes, she had checked when he had first started following her around). Kate shook her head; sympathy oozed out of Ryan and she was grateful he had brought it up, because she probably wouldn't have thought of it. Rick was going to need help with that; she still remembered her first.

She left them and went to Rick, still alone on the couch. Lanie's assistant was zipping Maddox into a black body bag and Kate tried to shut out the sound of the teeth closing; it grated on her nerves. She didn't even want to look. She focussed on Rick instead. She sat in front of him on the coffee table, blocking his view of the room, wanting to pretend they were alone, wanting him to know that she was there, _right there_. He looked up at her, face ashen and sorrowful. Kate placed a hand on his cheek, slid it over his jaw where a bruise was already forming; it must have been a hell of a punch. "Let's go home," she murmured. Rick looked at her a moment, his eyes full of so much it stuttered her breath. He nodded.

**2.10**

Kate put Rick into bed and tucked him in, the covers to his chin. Then she slid in next to him, leaving the light on for a moment so she could see his face (keep an eye on him). His eyes were still distant and he had barely spoken. Kate found his hands beneath the covers, on his stomach, where she had put them when she pushed him to the mattress. They were icy cold. She squeezed them between hers, initiating a heat exchange and when that didn't seem to be working, she shifted in closer, pressing her body against him, tucking his hands beneath her torso. Kate pressed a kiss against his jaw, then feather light against the point where Maddox had struck him. "Does it hurt?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to get you something?" She probably should have done that first. But she kept thinking 'get him home', 'get him to bed', 'get him home'.

"No," Rick murmured. "Just stay."

Kate pressed her lips against his briefly, comfort not passion; his lips were cold too. "Are you ok?" He was silent and Kate doubted. She was _in_ therapy, not any good at directing it. She hadn't had to do this before. Her Dad had withdrawn into a bottle; she had barely coped herself. She wasn't entirely confident of her ability to deal. She was going to have to figure this one out as she went.

"I think so."

"It's over now," Kate tried. Something like a stone dropped into her stomach; realisation. It was over now.

"Yeah."

"And you're safe," she whispered, her heart squeezing tightly for a second.

Rick finally turned his head and met her eyes; they were guarded. "I was so scared he was going to kill you."

"Me too," Kate admitted, hearing 'right in front of me' despite the words not coming out of Rick's mouth; they had gotten good at finishing each other's sentences.

"What you did..." Rick started. He stopped, seemed to get distracted.

Kate waited for him. Sometimes it took time to get the words right; god knew she struggled sometimes, most of the time.

"I haven't seen you like that since Coonan," his eyes were suddenly alight.

Tears prickled in Kate's eyes so quickly they surprised her. She knew exactly what he meant; a different level of fierce and determined; desperate. "I just wanted it to stop. I didn't want you to get hurt. I was thinking: I'm not doing this again."

Rick's eyes went to concern and he pulled his fingers free from beneath her to grip her hand on the mattress, to press against her lower back, hugging her. "It _is_ over. It's over now," he murmured against her hair, like he was trying to convince her; she was meant to be comforting him. He pressed a kiss there, suddenly fluid again. Kate lifted a hand to steady herself against his chest. She could feel his pulse beneath her fingers at the curve of his neck. She didn't cry, but she clung on, feeling safe and warm and relieved. It was over. It was really over now because Bane was in prison and everyone else he had ever dragged into his web was either charged alongside him or dead. This time, there was a sense of finality to it all.

"It was brave," Rick spoke again.

"I didn't know what else to do," Kate confessed. "I just acted. I wasn't thinking."

"I really admire you. You're so strong."

Kate pulled back to see his face. Sometimes it was strange seeing him so serious but this time she felt comforted by his sincerity.

"You're so strong all the time. After everything, you're still fighting back. It's so amazing. And everyone loves you so much. The guys, you're more than family to them. They respect you so much and look up to you and want to take care of you at the same time and it's so beautiful, Kate, what you've created."

Kate stared as he spoke. Wow. Where was this even coming from?

"And I love you. So much. I don't have the words to express how but I want you to know that... it's just..."

"I know," Kate interrupted, stroking her fingers against his cheekbone. Because she felt the same way. She just loved him. She didn't know how to explain it, to justify it. It was all the things about him, including the annoying ones, the loyalty and the way he saw life; light and love. Kate pressed her mouth against his, promises in her touch, reciprocated in his.

"Move in with me," Rick murmured against her lips.

"What?" Kate pulled back surprised.

"Move in with me," Rick repeated, his blue eyes dark and serious in the dim light.

Kate hesitated. Her heat went 'oh god yes! Ok, brilliant idea!' while her head said, "But we've barely been dating a month." This couldn't be good; this had to be the shock talking.

"More like four years," Rick countered and there was just a hint of that mischief in his face that made Kate automatically give him an unimpressed expression.

"Really?" She dead panned. "Maybe for you."

"All right fine, for you it was more like, what? The last two years, roughly?" His eyes got cockier, more like the Castle she knew.

Kate was impressed he wasn't hurt by the fact that she hadn't actually answered him yet, was totally stalling, still wasn't sure moving in was a good idea. She wondered if he had planned this; he was going to convince her? That she liked, loved, him for a long time, for a lot longer than she had admitted to yet? She wasn't sure she needed convincing. Rick gave her side a squeeze, a nudge, his eyebrows went up a little; 'don't you agree?'

"Fine," Kate grouched. "Yeah the last two years. Roughly."

Rick gave her a triumphant grin. "So that makes us long overdue for moving in together."

Kate gave a half smile.

"Plus your place is kind of a mess right now," Rick added, serious again, eyes steady on her, the last few hours still haunting; it was going to take more than romantic ideas to get over that.

"You kind of had me at 'move in with me'," Kate told him.

Rick smiled, no triumph, no gloating, just relief it seemed and gratitude and joy. He shifted forward to kiss her again, his mouth warm now, and steady and grounding. Kate's heart skittered. Did she really just agree to living with him? Because that was... that was... Less than a month and... her mother's case... and he was in shock. It was so unlike her. She didn't jump into things. She didn't... she hadn't lived with someone else. She had got close, but crashing at her boyfriend's place while she was spending the week rebelling against her life in college before her mother died didn't count. And neither did a couple of consecutive nights at Josh's place. She had been too busy finding her mother's killer. Her life had been on pause. It was Rick who reminded her she had to live again, not just exist, but live. Life and love and taking steps forward like moving in with him. Yes it had been a month but he was right, it was more like four years, and she trusted him and she loved him and she not only wanted to do this, she needed to. At some point. Right?

"You sure?" Rick asked.

Kate hated that he checked. She loved that he was being sweet enough to give her an out if she wanted it, but at the same time she hated that he double checked. That he had doubts. About her. About her intentions. Kate tugged on his ear to bring him over, to kiss him hard, pouring her feelings into it, to show him; she had to show him. "Yes I'm sure," she breathed against his skin. "I'm sure."

About him, she was sure.

**2.10**

In the light of day everything seemed different. The bruise on Rick's jaw was a bright and angry red. They fell asleep with the light on, lying so close that when Kate woke she wasn't sure which legs were hers, which arms, which hands. He was everywhere, his chest solid and encompassing. As soon as she moved he was awake and drawing her in closer, asking her if yesterday was a dream. It sure felt like it. But no, she curled a hand against the base of his skull, it wasn't a dream. None of it was a dream. He sighed.

In the shower (he had one of those spa-styled double ended showers so there was no chance either of them could ever hog the water), Kate washed his back with a pink loofa (yeah pink and he had strawberry body wash too, such a girl) and asked him what had happened with Maddox before she got there. She hadn't even thought to last night, and probably Rick wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk about it. But now it was tomorrow and things had to be said. She couldn't let him bottle it. That wasn't healthy. She knew that from experience. Maybe he _should_ go talk to a therapist; she wasn't sure she could handle this properly.

"I got to your place and started making dinner," Rick turned on the spot to face her. Kate switched to washing his chest, along his collarbone. His face went to shock for a second. "I hope someone turned off the gas."

Kate smoothed the loofa down his sternum. "The boys would have got it," she assured him, trusting them. "Then what?" She urged.

"He knocked on the door and when I went to get it, he opened it so fast it hit me in the jaw, so fast," Rick went on, a little breathlessly, reliving it, Kate could tell. He raised a hand to his face, feeling along the bone for the mark that was staring Kate in the face. "I practically landed on the floor." He stopped, his eyes drifting to memory. Then he focussed on her again as her hands went still. "I looked up to a gun."

Kate nodded. She already knew he had waited half an hour with Maddox. Rick had said so in his statement but Kate had only caught the tail end of it; she hadn't heard the beginning of the story. Kate reached her arms up around her neck and hugged him; wishing she could take it all away. Rick slipped his hands over her ass, squeezing lightly. "I love that you just hugged me. Completely naked. And wet. In the shower. Oh god," Ricks eyes fluttered closed as Kate laughed; he must be doing ok right? If he was feeling her up and joking like he usually did?

"And you giggled," he growled, lowering his head to kiss her.

Kate let him, then pushed him away gently, studying his face, noting that he looked tired, but his eyes were brighter than they were last night. That had to be a good sign too right? "I was thinking."

Rick quirked an eyebrow, his face suggestive. Kate tried to hide a smile. Yeah she was thinking a little about that too. But... "We should get away for a few days."

Rick's eyebrow went higher. Kate laughed. "Yeah like that. I have to wait to be cleared to go back to work anyway."

Rick grinned. "To the Hamptons?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded, looking up at him. That was exactly her plan. "Is that ok?"

"Oh that is _very_ ok."

**2.10**

But then it got difficult again because Alexis and Martha were both up when they came out, and that bruise was so very noticeable, and they were surprised that Kate and Rick were there considering he had told them he was staying over at Kate's last night. Rick sat them down on the couch, perching at one end while Kate eased into an arm chair, suddenly feeling the more than tender spot where Maddox had struck her back with his gun, and explained what happened. He was good at it too, playing it down, emphasising the right points; he had done it before, had to explain. Obviously.

But Kate noticed he left out the bit where he was the one who shot Maddox. It went: Maddox was there, he kept Rick hostage to wait for Kate to get home. They had a standoff. Kate attacked Maddox. Maddox was shot. He's dead. It was over. They had nothing to worry about now. They were safe. There was _nothing_ else to worry about now. Couldn't stress that bit enough. Kate could feel the prickly stare of his family. They might not say it, she might even be merely paranoid in thinking it, but she felt responsible. She was responsible. Her mother, her case. When Rick said he and Kate were going to the Hamptons for a few days, to get out of the city, take a break, Martha gave a nod and Alexis looked worried, though neither of them said anything. Kate let Rick talk, and she noticed he didn't mention she had agreed to move in. Guess there was a time and a place for all kinds of information and this wasn't it.

Kate volunteered to make breakfast and afterward they went to pack. It was easy for Kate, she only had a bag of clothes there anyway; at least they were clean. She didn't want to go back to her place for something different. She didn't want to go to her place at all. She called Esposito to let him know they were going out of town, just in case he hadn't already gotten the message from Gates. After Kate hung up, she left her dad a quick voice message, just the highlights: Maddox was dead, she was going to the Hamptons with Rick, they were fine, call if he needed to. Then she went to check on Rick. He wasn't ready. Kate picked up her bag and left it by the front door. Then she went to sit on the couch to put her shoes on while she waited for Rick to finish; he promised he'd be five minutes, past experience told Kate it could be closer to twenty. She was eager to get out of there now.

"Can I ask you something?"

Kate lifted her head to find Alexis settling in one of the chairs in front of the book cases that were Rick's study walls. She grabbed the large rag doll from behind her and dumped it in her lap, purposefully nonchalant. "Yeah sure," Kate agreed softly, preparing herself for a difficult conversation. She figured it was bound to happen and she was ready for it. She and Alexis had been dancing around it for the last few weeks, both trying but not enough. Now it had to be enough, Kate had to be available; no more hiding for either of them.

Alexis busied herself with the toy for a moment, then looked up at Kate, a little hesitation in her eyes. "How do you walk around all day in those? Let alone run?"

Kate looked down at her heels and smiled. "You gotta practice." She looked up and met Alexis' gaze. The other woman smiled back.

**End of Part Two**


	21. Chapter 21

Rick pulled up at the back of a modest two story place right on the beach front, white weatherboards and blue trim. The driveway was gravel, the gardens lush with life despite the salty atmosphere. Rick suggested, with a wiggle of his eyebrows, taking the Ferrari out to the Hamptons. Kate sat in the passenger seat, happy to relinquish control; it meant she could stare at him the whole way out. She told him about her conversation with Alexis about shoes; an olive branch. They also talked a little more than just shoes while they were waiting for Rick to finish packing; her mom's case and Rick. Kate was amused to find him a conservative driver. Although she supposed if her car cost as much as his, with the insurance on top, she might be just a little careful too. Rick told her stories of coming out the Hamptons on summer vacation, the sandcastle building marathons, the extreme sunburns (his, not Alexis', with her complexion he'd obsessed about sun-block, hats and t-shirts), the surfing lessons; they hadn't stuck.

"Go on in, I'll get our bags," Rick instructed. They popped their doors at the same time but Kate headed for the house, while Rick the trunk. The door was unlocked when Kate tried it but that was not enough to send caution through her; maybe she was too tired to comprehend what it could mean. She stepped through the entranceway, her heels striking loud against the hardwood floors, polished and golden. Kate moved in further to a wide open living room, floor to ceiling glass opening onto a patio and a pool in the background. The remaining walls were white, contrasted with coloured art, trinkets, photos. She glanced at them as she went by, taking them in; Rick and Alexis mostly, her as a girl, a few with Martha there too. Family. Kate stood still for a moment surveying. Oh wow.

"I thought I heard someone."

Kate startled, looking to the left, her right hand absently ghosting for the gun that wasn't on her hip, her body instinctively turning into a defensive stance.

"I'm Rachel," the woman was short, dark hair, dark eyes, warm, open face. Non-threatening; a welcoming smile. Kate's heart was jack-hammering. "Rick said he was bringing someone up with him," Rachel went on smoothly, friendly. And still Kate couldn't think what to say. This woman obviously wasn't about to attack her but geeze Rick, some freaking warning that someone was inside would have been nice instead of a coronary.

"Hey," Rick greeted, coming in with their bags. He left them at the foot of the stairs (Kate hadn't got that far in her inspection). "You guys met? Great."

"Kate," she finally found her voice for a self introduction. She stepped forward to shake the woman's hand. Rachel gave her another winning smile and Rick crowded in behind Kate to follow when Rachel turned back for the small kitchen to the side of the large open living space; dark counter tops and steel, just like home.

"So I stocked the fridge with a few things that should get you through the weekend," Rachel started speaking. She had obviously just come back with the groceries because she folded away linen carry bags. "And I made up the master bedroom."  
Rick wrapped his arms around Kate from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Thanks so much Rachel."

"Sure," she gave him an easy smile, eyes flickering over to Kate, no reaction to his possessiveness, though Kate wondered if he did, in fact, need to send a clear message to the other woman. Hard to tell with him. "And I'll leave you guys to it. Have a good weekend."

"I'll call in before we leave," Rick said.

"Bye," Rachel stepped around them.

"Bye," Kate offered.

They heard the back door. Rick rocked Kate back and forth, side to side. "So what are we going to do now?"

Kate smiled.

**3.1**

Rick's bedroom upstairs was not his bedroom in New York. In the Hamptons it was almost entirely bare; very minimalistic. The bed was just a mattress on a base (white sheets, it was like the house was themed), no frame, but it did have a deep and low head board (the wood of was the same as the floor boards), that a lamp rested on (just one, and it was white) There was also a clock but nothing else. No art on the walls. To be fair, two of them were completely glass (floor to ceiling like downstairs), looking out at the ocean, allowing all day sun. There was the en suite and closet on the other wall, a dresser (photos of Martha and Alexis) but no other furniture. And Kate was stunned, really quite surprised. It was so... not Castle-esque, who usually had so much life around him. Details. Things. Colours.

Upstairs was carpeted, a pale beige kind of colour. Everything else was white. There were four more doors on the first floor besides the master bedroom at the end of the hall (over the living room). Bedrooms, bathroom, closet; Rick gave her a quick tour, but he seemed eager to direct her to the end of the hall and she totally let him.

The sheets were incredible, soooo soft, and there was so much light, so much warmth. Rick teased circles into the base of Kate's spine as she basked in the glow of sun, face half buried in a pillow (like resting on a freaking cloud), his fingertips the perfect pressure against her skin, like he had done it before, when he hadn't, and how did he know? His hands were warm and focussed. Kate gave a little groan of appreciation.

"Your skin is so soft," Rick murmured.

"Hm," Kate sighed. "It's the strawberries."

Rick gave a chuckle. "Are you sleepy?"

"No," Kate retorted, but yes she was. Or she was just too relaxed and peaceful. And last night, at her apartment... she was probably still recovering. But she didn't want to sleep the day way. She had never been to the Hamptons before. There was exploring to do.

"Mm you _are_ _so_ sleepy," he leaned down to kiss her shoulder. "And you smell good," he nuzzled into her neck, making her squirm.

Kate didn't even manage to raise a hand to bat him away.

**3.1**

When Kate roused she was still in exactly the same position, still completely bathed in light. But she was alone. She turned over, listening for the bathroom, but not hearing anything. She sat up, looked out at the ocean, the sun reflecting off the expanse of blue in a yellow brick road. It felt a bit like being in Oz; slightly surreal and a mystery to unravel. Kate untangled herself from the sheet and placed her feet on the lush carpet, thinking for a moment. Her clothes were on the floor (strewn all over the floor) but her bag downstairs. And there was a whole closet of Rick's clothes right there...

She helped herself to a shirt, button down, and a pair of his boxers (with an elastic band, otherwise they'd be at her ankles after just one step). Then she traipsed downstairs, hand on the railing. She spotted Rick easily, before she was even half way down. He was sitting at the dining table, to the side of the great room. The pool in front of him through the windows was an incredible aqua and glittered reflections of light against the walls in shiny shifting patterns. The carpet ended at the bottom of the stairs. Kate stepped over her bag and padded silently over the wooden floor to where Rick was sitting, back to the room. She wondered what he was doing. When she got closer she could see his laptop was open; he brought _work_ with him?

"What are you doing?" Kate whined, slipped her arms around his neck, a sneak embrace.

Rick didn't even flinch. "Just had a few ideas I wanted to get..." Kate hummed and drew his ear lobe into her mouth, sucking lightly. "Oh god," Rick breathed.

"Why'd you let me sleep?" Kate breathed against his neck.

"Uh-uh-because-the," Rick stuttered.

Kate let him go, smoothing her hands over his chest and t-shirt clad shoulders as she stood, giving a last squeeze. "Feed me."

"Huh?" He tilted his head back to look at her.

"Food," Kate repeated. "I'm hungry."

"Oh ok, yeah, oh," Rick saved his document, pushed his chair out and stood. And then he turned and stared. "Oh my god," he let his jaw drop. For a second, Kate wondered what the big deal was. And then she remembered what she was wearing. His clothes. "Kate," he whined. "Why are you so sexy?" He stepped towards her, hands snaking out for her waist, holding her in place as he pressed kisses to her neck. Kate let him for a moment, then gently pushed him away again. His blue eyes looked crushed.

"Lunch?" She tried to refocus him.

"Right. I'm hungry too," he took her by the hand and led her to the kitchen, bouncing back; he was good at bouncing back. "What do you want?" He let her go to open the fridge. "Eggs? Toast? Sandwich?"

"Toast," Kate decided. There was nowhere to sit, no convenient bar stools. In fact there was little space for anything else in the tiny kitchen besides the refrigerator, and limited bench space; it was like an afterthought after the massive design of the living room. So she lifted herself to the bench, the boxers riding up to reveal thigh. The movement drew Rick's eyes again. Too easy. "So what are we going to do today?"

Rick fixed her with a 'way ahead of you' expression as he got bread from the bench. "I started a list."

**3.1**

Kate lay on the wide leather couch (enough for two people side by side, squishy, but possible), her stomach sated with food, her body warmed by Rick at her side. More than warmed. And it wasn't just his side that was doing it. She was tingly and electric, fluid, unable to keep still; lingering arousal dancing up her spine and down her thighs. She was slightly damp, the leather of the couch sticking to her skin in uncomfortable ways. She pushed herself up, Rick's large shirt falling loosely against her skin, giving him an eyeful of her chest (he undid a few extra buttons when he was... also undoing her), and moved over him, lying full length on top of his body. She felt his ribs tense under her, holding on to their ability to breathe; she tried to keep the bulk of her weight further down, against his hips, she could feel him though he had refused to let her touch him too.

"A Beckett blanket," Rick noted, his hand coming to rest in the small of her back. Kate hummed, her heart rate finally starting to slow. She could feel the warmth of his torso through his t-shirt. Rick's hand smoothed a pattern against her back. "You good?"

"God yes," Kate breathed. Rick chuckled, she vibrated with it. "Mmm tell me what it is you have planned for today?"

"Well I can now cross couch off my list," Rick mused.

Kate turned her head to bite his rib through his shirt.

"So that leaves the kitchen counter, the dining room table, the pool..."

"The shower?"

"Yes. Definitely. A little more cramped in there but..."

"Doesn't that just make it more fun?"

"Mm," Rick hummed, wrapping his other arm around her tightly. "I love the way you think Detective."

"Anywhere else?" Kate asked, her ribs now crushed against his, her body starting to feel too hot. He loosened up a little on the embrace.

"The stairs."

"Ambitious."

"It's a little trickier but totally doable if you're prepared."

"Mm, ok, and what about after I get dressed in a minute? What then?"

"Well, there's this great little fried food place right on the beach that do the most amazing crab cakes. And then I was thinking gelato. There's this amazing place right..."

"On the beach," Kate finished at the same time as him. She lifted her head, starting to get a grip on herself again, and placed her chin on his sternum, to look at him. His blue eyes were alight, excited, pleased. "Uh huh."

"And, you need to get a bathing suit."

Kate quirked an eyebrow at him. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I assume you didn't happen to pack one when you originally came over several weeks ago?"

"Hm nope," Kate agreed.

"Although," Rick countered, blue eyes serious. "There is always skinny dipping."

**3.1**

Seeing as this sudden get away was actually in the middle of the week, shopping wasn't so crowded with summer holiday makers. Rick told Kate the weekends were worse. They didn't take the Ferrari, but another car, an old Audi Rick had parked in the garage. He really didn't want for anything, Kate thought to herself as she clipped herself in. What must that be like? And then she thought of herself, with a flare of heat in her chest. He had wanted her. For a long time too. It must have been torture for the man who had everything.

'_Turn around bright eyes!'_

Kate startled.

"Whoa!" Rick reached for the volume dial and wrenched it right down so it was almost undetectable. "Sorry about that."

"Is that? Who's that?" Kate asked, her heart thundering.

"Glee," Rick responded with a sheepish glance in her direction. "It's Alexis's CD."

"Uh huh," Kate teased, recovering herself. That was one holy mighty of a mother of a coincidence. How badly would he tease her if she told him she had kind of thought of it as 'their song'?

"And I like it too," Rick responded indignantly. Kate smiled out the passenger window. He so did. He took her to a surf shop. Kate perused the swimsuits; really, did she have any other choice? When she got to the end of the row Rick was there, that excited little boy expression on his face, practically bouncing on his toes.

"What?"

Rick held up a bikini. Black. String. _Tiny_. "Pretty please?"

Kate managed a half eye roll. "Want me to try it on before I buy?"

Rick's face lit up further (if that was even possible) but he shook his head. "Surprise me," he countered. Then he whisked it away to the counter before she had a chance to grab it from him. He paid. She protested a little, because she didn't want to start a fight she had a horrible suspicion she was going to lose in the store in front of the clerk (who flirted with him a little). So he bought her a bikini. The first gift as his girlfriend (insert stomach quiver here). She did warn him to not make buying her things a habit. He pouted at her but didn't respond and took off down the side walk. Kate followed, quick stepping to catch up. She slid her hand into his, wrapping her forearm around his, threading their fingers, bumping her hip into him.

They looked at more shops, wandering up the street, staying close and relaxed. Rick also bought her flip flops, telling her off for not packing for summer better. Kate countered she hadn't planned on going to the beach when she had packed that bag weeks ago to stay at his place the first time.

"What are the chances you'll let me buy you lingerie?" Rick asked, all wide eyed hopeful as they waited to be served in the next store. He'd found some sunglasses he liked.

Kate fixed him with an unimpressed expression. "Zero."

"Oh come on," Rick immediately whined softly. "Tasteful, I promise."

Kate shook her head disparagingly and stepped forward, her mouth against his ear. "Save it for your birthday." She felt Rick go tense against her, that way he held his breath when he was pleasantly shocked. She felt a sudden wave of heat coming off him and as the sales attendant approached she took the opportunity to slip away from him, perusing a rack of skirts while Rick made his purchase.

**3.1**

The sun set in the west and it cast magnificent colours over the sky as they sat on a picnic table in the sand and ate their dinner. Rick was right, the crab cakes were amazing and Kate had made sure she snagged the last one. Of course, she was pretty sure Rick just let her have it. He also made her a salt and pepper dip, banged the ketchup out of the bottle when it wouldn't pour and went to find her a drink when she said she was thirsty. It would be so easy to take advantage and she shouldn't...

Oh god.

Had she been taking advantage all these years?

The thought sent a sickening plummet to Kate's stomach. She tried to stop it, she tried to think of the tortoise but oh, oh she had... she had done things to him. He loved her and she had ignored him and shut him down and it wasn't just because he had said 'I love you' in the cemetery. She had done it before that. Kate felt a shiver roll up her spine. She felt bad about it. She had making up to do. She had to be better than what she had been.

When Rick came back, Kate wasn't eating anymore. She was staring out at the water, her face solemn. He handed over her drink, popped the tab on his own and when she didn't move he felt a flare of worry.

There was gelato as promised. And it was really good. Kate insisted on paying and Rick let her, a cautiousness to him now that Kate knew had everything to do with her. She hoped the sugar rush might lift her mood a little, help him lift his too; she hated that he was reacting to her, basing his behaviour off hers. That wasn't healthy. And it was killing a totally awesome day. "Let's walk for a while," Kate suggested once she'd finished her strawberry cone. She got up from a different picnic table and tossed her trash in the receptacle. Rick was still going on his double scoop of double chocolate (Kate just got one, because those crab cakes really filled her up) and he hurried a mouthful, as if to finish before she walked away, but she just reached for his wrist, pulling him gently to stand. Once he was upright she linked her arm in his elbow and started them walking.

"Want some?" Rick asked.

"Yeah sure," Kate agreed, wanting to try it. They were going to have to come back sometime. She had other flavours she wanted to check out too.

Rick moved his cone towards her and she stopped to take a lick, swirling her tongue; yeah, a little provocatively. Rick stared, mouth slightly open, in that sexually stunned kind of way. "Hot," he choked when Kate gave him his hand back. "That was so hot."

Kate gave a smirk. Well if all else failed she figured she could flirt shamelessly with him and cover over those cracks. Of course, Dr Burke would never let her get away with that. Rick started to walk again but Kate stopped him. He gave her startled eyes, questioning. Kate gave a little sigh. "Can I... ask you something?"

"Sure," Rick replied easily.

"Why did you stay so long? When..." Kate stopped to choose her words. Rick's face was hard to read. "When I made it clear I wasn't interested?"

Rick blanched. His gelato made a perilous jump for it. But he righted himself and the frozen food. "Whoa what?"

Kate placed a placating hand on his chest, stepped closer, wishing she had a height boost but didn't because heels and sand did not compute. "All those years. All those years you made it so clear you... wanted me and I never... And yet you stayed."

"Call me stubborn."

"What's the real reason?"

"Stubborn," Rick repeated. "Ok well at first I thought I could change your mind, wear you down."

Kate half smiled. Yeah she had figured.

"But then... Then I started to really see you and I..." He raised his eyebrows a little. "Liked what I saw. And eventually I couldn't walk away."

"But... I never."

"No you think you never," Rick countered.

"Oh I sent out subtle little signs?"

"Some. I knew you liked me."

"And you were waiting for me to change my mind?" Kate teased, relieved the conversation wasn't as heavy as she had started it out as.

"No. Hoping. I wanted to be around you and you didn't completely treat me with disdain _all the time_ and so I hoped... maybe one day..."

Kate felt an insane desire to cry. She brought a hand to his cheek. "I was. My mind was changing. You were changing, I was changing..."

Everything changed.

_But it's how you handle the change that counts._

"I still am," Kate added. "I want to be different."

"You already are," Rick assured her.

_Rick never gave up on me._

"Kate, don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a pretty good job."

Tears again. Damn it.

"Thank you." She kissed him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Day Two**

When Kate woke she was aware of the brightness of the sun, the warmth of the cocoon she was in, and that there were eyes on her. She cracked her own, saw Rick propped up on one elbow against his pillow, hair in his face, deep blue eyes watching her neutrally; shut hers again. Kate stretched out; a hand beneath her pillow, foot against his calf, the other finding air on the other side of the sheet. "Why are you watching me sleep?"

"Because I can. That's two days I've woken before you now, what's with that?"

"Hm. Must be because someone kept me up all night."

"As I recall, you kept me up all night," Rick countered softly.

"You were up all on your own," Kate retorted without thinking.

Rick chuckled and snuggled down against his pillow, tugging on the sheet to pull it right over his head, tucking it behind his skull, creating a cave. Kate watched him, still too sleepy to be amused, mostly just curious. He turned to her, bright eyes and a warm heavy hand on her waist; she realised then that she was only covered from the waist down (disregarding the cave). "Is this conversation going to get dirtier?"

"Maybe later," Kate sighed. She had a nice relaxed cosy feeling she didn't want to disrupt with talking and heat. Rick's fingers traipsed a pattern over her skin. Mmmm ok maybe a little heat was ok.

"I'll hold you to that," Rick warned. "We still have the list to get through."

"Deal," Kate agreed on a murmur. She caught his grin before she let her eyes close again. He went quiet. Kate sighed. "So bright."

"I opened the blinds a little."

"Hm," Kate acknowledged. They were floor to ceiling, like the windows. Rick showed her how they automatically rolled down with the press of a button on a smart remote and essentially sealed the room in darkness. "What else did you do with your morning?"

"Bathroom, teeth, that was all. See?" He leaned forward and brushed his lips against her cheek, breathing on her, tickling her skin. Kate shivered. But he did smell minty fresh. And she did seek out his mouth a little, tasting remnants of toothpaste on his lips.

"It's a beautiful day," Kate said, starting to wake.

"Yes," Rick agreed, his palm sliding against her spin, over, then up the length of her back. Kate arched under his touch, so soft but tantalising, waking her further with a flash of heat in her cheeks. He found her hair, tangled his fingers in the ends, sighing slightly. Kate opened her eyes to look at him again. His gaze was on her body, a little longing there that made her feel squirmy. His eyes slid over to meet hers, held her gaze intently for a moment. "Breakfast?" He practically whispered.

Kate nodded.

**3.2**

They ate (fruit and toast and coffee) on the patio in the warming morning sun. Kate kept staring at the colour of the water in the swimming pool just a few meters away; an incredible blue, like the colour of Rick's eyes. After a while he finally teasingly suggested they dive on in; she did have a new bikini to try out. It was half tempting, but the sun wasn't on the water yet, nor was it really in the full swing of the heat of the day, and Kate figured it'd be too cold at this point and so much more gratifying in the afternoon. Even with Rick to keep her warm? Yes. Even with Rick suggesting he could keep her warm.

So they christened the shower instead and went for a walk along the beach, hand in hand, because Kate wasn't good at sitting still. Rick's back yard was more like pool plus sand garden, then the entire Atlantic Ocean. To the right of the pool were planted tussocks, small hearty bushes (had to be with all the salt and storms) and little pockets of red flowers. A sand path led down to a medium, brown, painted wooden gate. There was no fence, just the gate standing there at the end of the path. There was a slight lean on it and when Rick opened it, the swing of the gate cleared a path through the accumulated sand on the other side; obviously Martha had not ventured through when she had been here a few weeks ago. They could have simply walked around it (stepping over the tussocks), but Rick opened the barrier with a flourish and a slight bow and Kate walked through with a laugh.

Rick's hand was warm. They walked along the watermark, where the sand was firm and the water threatened Kate's feet. Every so often, when there was a larger wave, and she suspected she was going to be feet wet, she would shove at Rick to get him to move further up. It made him laugh. He pointed out she had flip flops on. It didn't matter if she got her feet wet. But he didn't resist too hard. He liked the way she pushed her hands against his ribs, making his breath flutter. She was in a tank top and tiny shorts. Seriously tiny shorts. And he could see so much of her toned legs in a way he never had before: with clothes still on. And her ass... The way her hair was long and loose in the sun, dancing in the breeze, the tilt of her cheekbones beneath the designer sunglasses (so she wasn't entirely thrifty even though he sensed she was a little uncomfortable with the money thing. The way she blanched over the Audi in the garage, because it was an _Audi_, just sitting there, waiting for whenever they were in the Hamptons. It wasn't the latest model and it was kind of beat up. He'd taught Alexis to drive in it. No way he was going to do that in New York. He didn't want to die; accident or heart attack. But still, he saw the way Kate hesitated, the quick flicker of thought behind her eyes; he was pretty sure he knew what she was thinking).

"Hey, eyes up front," Kate spoke.

Rick tore his gaze from her backside, busted, totally busted. Kate nudged his hand against his hip with hers, still joined. "Where are we headed?"

Kate gave a slight smile. "I don't know? You spend time here. What is there to see?"

"The sea," Rick pointed with their joined hands. Kate's smile went a little deeper. "And sand," he raised his other hand in a sweeping motion to encompass the beach away to his left. "Sun?" He tried, pointing up, the joined hands again. Kate tried not to laugh. Their gait had slowed significantly. "And of course, there is me," Rick added.

Kate did laugh then, letting it sprinkle out between them, stepping up to him, curling her right hand around his neck, pulling him down to meet her as she rose up on her toes to press her mouth against him. He already had the faint taste of salt against his skin and after she kissed it off him she traced it from his jaw and down his throat a little. Rick's hand tightened in hers, his other hand heavy on her waist, squeezing, but he stood still and took it. When she stepped back, though she couldn't see his eyes (he had sunglasses too), she knew his gaze was concentrated; she could feel the tension rolling off him.

**3.2**

They walked far enough out that they reached a small pocket of shops, much to Rick's surprise, because they were miles away from the house but the stroll along the sand with Kate hadn't felt like much at all. They got something to eat and drink and wandered along looking in shop windows. When the sandwiches were gone, they went in to stores to have a look; Kate's insistence. A natural curiosity, Rick mused as he followed her around the store, tethered to her hand while she looked over everything, taking everything in, missing absolutely nothing. He had been there before, several times; she was more captivating than anything else anyway.

Then Kate struck up conversation with the owner, Beatrice. Rick had met her before. She said hello shyly. She was also a fan. Kate let her gaze dart back to him for half a second, acknowledging that she had worked it out, a tightening of his hand a fraction; could he dare to think she was being a little possessive? Kate made polite comments over the items in the store, nick-nacky trinkets for tourists. But Beatrice also took photos. Beautiful sunsets, captured perfectly. The tussocks in the dunes, the colour of the water, the white peaks, a storm on the horizon; black and white shots of people walking the sand, children playing. Kate stared for a long time. And Rick stared at her, wondering what she was thinking, wishing sometimes that he could climb within her skin, see the world the way she did, knowing her thoughts; Nikki scenes writing themselves over and over in his mind.

"They're really beautiful," Kate murmured to Beatrice.

"Thank you," the other woman smiled, more like gushed a little. Kate stepped forward to study the storm image closer, tilting her head slightly, her hand slipping from Rick's. He was ok with that, because he had his wallet out of his pocket and he was pulling out his credit card and handing it over. Beatrice took it, pleased.

"It's so... Look at the clouds," Kate spoke softly. The print was wide, almost panoramic and Rick had sudden images of it on the wall in the bedroom back at the beach house. It would fit perfectly, the right size and shape for that vast white wall. And god knew the vast white expanse needed something to break it up. Kate moved on, going over the last corner while Rick signed the receipt, organised for the framed photograph to be delivered to the house later. He caught up to Kate again as she reached the door. She gave Beatrice a wave and thanked her. Beatrice smiled back. And thanked Rick.

**3.2**

Kate pulled the bikini from the bag and inspected it closer than she had in the store (she hadn't had a chance, he had whisked it away to pay). She half wished she _had_ studied it closer when she was in the store. It was... a lot tinier than she was used to. Actually, she didn't really tend to wear a bikini at all; she preferred the security of a one piece (and it wasn't like she didn't have a lot of fun showing off in them either). It was not a thong, thank god, but it was pretty darn close. Black, string, a little gold butterfly at the right hip, and between the breast pieces. It was kind of cute, and sexy and Kate realised wearing this was going to be a bit like foreplay. No pressure then.

By the time they walked back to the house (Kate refused a taxi, it was just too nice a day and it wasn't that far was it?), they were hot and sticky (it was far, father than she had thought). That swim seemed entirely appealing and Rick pointed out again that Kate had that new bikini to break in; he was eager. So yes, a swim before lunch and now Kate was upstairs (their bags had finally made it to the first floor) in the bathroom changing while Rick... ugh he waited on her in the bedroom. No freaking pressure then.

Kate's stomach tightened as she held the small sections of material in her hands. She was being ridiculous, she knew that. But she wanted to look good for him; be good for him. She did look good. She wanted to be amazing. She wanted his face to paralyse in desire, the way it did sometimes when she stunned him; she wanted to impress him. She wanted so much for them, so much. She was also being stupid. She knew he wanted her and she wanted him and she was confident, in general, but also with her body, so she should stop being a girl (it wasn't like she was putting on lingerie) and just get changed.

Kate left the bikini on the counter and pulled her shirt off. Her skin was cooling but she felt grimy; a combination of sweat, sunblock, salt and sand. She wiggled out of her shorts, kicking them to the side and reached for the bikini again, popping the tag off carefully so she didn't rip the material. And then her eye caught the price. And she seriously did a double take. Should have paid more attention in the store. Should have protested. That was too much money to spend on something frivolous like a bikini. Oh it was designer. Oh geeze. It was...

"What's taking so long?!"

Kate startled, caught her reflection, haunted eyes (she was just tired, too many late nights. And that thing with Maddox. Still hadn't talked about that thing with Maddox), gave herself a concerned expression, told herself to get a grip. She sent the uneasiness packing; it was just a bikini. A one off thing. She was being insecure and... silly. She was being seriously silly (but oh they did have to talk about Maddox otherwise... She had learnt she had to talk about things, they had to talk).

"Good things take time Rick," she called back with a lilt to her tone, teasing. She heard him groan and it made her smile; she shut down the flutter of nerves. If the money made her uneasy, then she would just talk to him about it, like an adult, like a mature adult in a relationship with another adult (ha! They were in a relationship!). Not a big deal.

Kate peeled off her underwear and put the bikini on, tying the straps around her neck and adjusting the material over her breasts. The surgical scar at her ribs showed, still pink but less puckered now, and it had shrunk a little. The bullet scar at her sternum was covered by the butterfly at her chest, which was coincidental, but kind of sweet; that was the one she was self conscious about. People had scars. People didn't often have bullet hole shaped scars. Kate turned to check out her ass, made a little adjustment there too, turned again to finger comb her hair into tamed rolling waves, not beach breeze blasted. A little eye liner would totally finish the look but her makeup was in her bag and her bag was in the bedroom because she had been too lazy to unpack. And Rick was in the bedroom. Waiting for her.

Kate gave herself the once over one more time, took a deep breath and headed for the door. Rick was in swimming shorts, bright green (were those ninja turtles!?), no shirt, lying back on the made bed (he made the bed!). His foot jigged against the carpet but when he heard her come in he sat himself up. Kate watched the tightening of his abdominals as he did so, using the muscles to pull his torso up, and it sent a heated flutter to her stomach to replace the butterflies. Rick's jaw dropped suitably open, his blue eyes staring, unblinking, roving over her body, making Kate shiver. Just a look. That's all it took.

Kate sauntered over to him. His eyes went wider, came up to meet her face. She was smiling, grinning probably and when his eyes met hers, he broke into a grin. Kate slid her arms around his neck, lowering herself to his lap (chest in his face), knees on either side of his hips. Rick's hands were warm as they smoothed into her lower back, then grabbed a palmful of her ass. Kate shifted in closer, nipped a kiss at his bottom lip. Rick gave a huff of a delighted laugh and Kate pulled back, still grinning, to see his face. His throat worked and she realised he was having trouble getting words out. Delight bubbled around her heart. She couldn't even remember what she was nervous about in the bathroom.

"Wow," Rick managed. Kate scraped fingers into the hair at the back of his head. "Holy wow." The laugh catapulted out of Kate, surprising her a little. She dropped her head to his shoulder, came back up, grinning, that incredible feeling that she couldn't quite describe making her feel light. The look in his eye, the struggle for words, the ego... the shirtlessness... She wanted him, all of him, for all of time; he was turning her into such a sap.

"Let's go," Kate shifted to move off him, far more awkward in reverse. "I want to swim."

Rick gave a groan, gathered her closer and stood. "You're such a tease." He took a step forward.

Kate refused to cling, straightened her legs, pushed down, Rick dropped her weight and she stood. "You bought it," she gave a shrug, turned away from him for the door.

"I have impeccable taste," he lunged for her.

Kate slipped out of the reach of his fingers, taking quicker steps for the door. She felt Rick coming up behind her fast. She reached back to swat him away in a pre-emptive strike; she struck wrist. He gave a little huff and she was out the door with a laugh, dancing down the stairs. She heard the heavier thud of Rick behind her, felt her stomach tighten with the thrill of the chase, kept her eyes steadfastly on where she was placing her feet; not often she was the one being chased (hunted sometimes, yes). Kate broke into a fuller run on the balls of her feet, across the living room, putting distance between her and Rick (his footsteps fell further away, but not far). She reached the open sliding door, slipped through it; she heard Rick have to stop and pull it open further. More advantage to her.

The pool was relatively close to the house, so Kate reached it in just a few long strides. Her hair slapped against her back, a breeze streaking it out behind her. She hit the edge of the pool, using the momentum from her run to launch her in a perfect dive, shallow though, she didn't want to break her face on the bottom of the pool if it wasn't deep enough. She brought her arms forward, pulling back to propel her further through the water, just a bit more distance before Rick caught her; her stomach quivered. She surfaced, sucking in air and turned just as Rick hit the water, arms and legs tucked up in a canon ball. Kate turned her head at the shrapnel; she could touch the bottom if she bounced on her toes. The water was perfect, warm enough, cool enough, refreshing but not uncomfortable.

Rick popped up out of the water. He flicked his head to get the hair out of his eyes, making it stick up in odd places; so cute. He pushed off the bottom, reached for her; she let him. His hands tugged on her hips, drawing her in to meet him, a foot at his thigh; his eyes were feral and Kate shuddered hard. He kissed her, dirty, wet, sucking, teeth and tongue, fingertips digging in, demanding. Kate barely managed to keep up, her senses overloaded and then he was moving, nipping at her neck, a hand sliding up under the tie beneath her shoulder blades, pushing her in against him.

"All this time I've been watching you run in actual clothes," Rick gave her a hungry expression. "Now I know what I've been missing." He kissed her again, hard, before she could even catch her breath. Kate had her legs around his waist (when did that happen?) and pushed her hips, arching against him, holding on, threading fingers into his wet hair, tousling it. When he pulled back again his eyes were soft, dazed slightly, the reflection of light making them an incredible blue.

"You're so sexy," Kate blurted.

Rick's face went to surprised. "Really? You find me sexy?" His tone was half surprised, half arrogant, half disbelieving. Kate nodded breathlessly. Had she not told him that before? Surely she had. How had she not? "That's good to know," Rick's face eased into a genuine smile, no ego.

She was going to have to step up the communication game.

He leaned into kiss her neck again, lips suckling gently. "The pool was on my list," he murmured.

Kate shuddered, but regained her senses. She pushed away from him, drew her legs back, found she could stand on the bottom easily now; the water up to her shoulders. "No way," she shook her head.

Rick was already pouting. "Why not?"

"Uh because no."

"That's not a good reason."

"Because other people swim in this pool?" Kate tried, shifting back a little further for some distance. Rick let her go, his arms out wide, shifting back and forth like he was treading water, even though Kate could see he was crouching to keep the water at his throat. "Because, because..." Kate thought again.

"Sounds like you don't really have a lot of good excuses," Rick tried, fingers brushing her ribs. Oh shit when he did that she felt her resolve crack a little.

"What about the neighbours?"

"What about them?" Rick asked, his tone a rumble, his eyes intense.

"They'll hear us?" Kate tried weakly, his fingers brushed against her waist.

"I can be quiet," Rick murmured. Kate found herself against is body, not sure if she had drifted towards him or the other way around. Legs around his waist again, hands on her ass, her fingers against his neck, stroking, his skin cool, but the water between them hot.

'_Ah fuck it_,' Kate thought and leaned forward to kiss him again. When she slipped him tongue he growled a little and his arms tightened around her. Then she was aware of gravity again and opened her eyes surprised. They were at the wide shallow stairs at the other end of the pool and Rick had her tightly wrapped around him, stepping up out of the war. She loved that he was strong; that was a big turn on. "Where are we...?"

"You're right, other people swim in the pool," Rick grunted, cutting her off, shifting an arm under her ass to stop her from slipping.

"Up stairs?" Kate tried hopefully, her breath ragged. He started to stagger and Kate started to seriously worry that he was going to dump her on to the pavers. But he didn't. He lowered her slowly and she panicked a second because he wouldn't let her go to get her feet under her, until she realised he was setting her down on a lounger.

"Can't wait," he grunted and he was climbing over her, pressing her down with his weight, kissing her slowly but heatedly. And Kate totally gave in.

**3.2**

Yes. Quiet. Who knew she could manage it? That level of self control with Rick? Probably helped that he eased up when she was starting to lose it, when the desperation built in her throat so tightly it had nowhere else to go but out her mouth. He kept his groans low; his breath was a harsh whisper, murmuring against her skin, covering her cries with the caress of his lips. The lounger: not entirely comfortable but Kate was beyond caring about five seconds into it.

"Kate, sexy," Rick muttered against her ear, his breath coming in hot spurts as he regained control of himself. His body was heavy over hers but she knew it wasn't his full weight, he was still keeping some of it in his arms, she could feel his muscles were tense. She brushed her lips against his cheek and he gave a slight hum. "You're sexy," he repeated.

Kate's cheeks were flaming and her body was still quivering slightly, vibrating with the rhythm of him. She reached up a hand to his neck, brushed her fingers against his skin, feeling too weak to do much more. "I need another swim now," she whispered. The sun was directly overhead, bearing down, thank god they were in the shade; Rick would have a lobster backside about now.

Rick gave a chuckle. He pulled back to look at her; Kate saw warmth and smiled. "How about a shower?"

"Yes," Kate breathed. That was a better idea. Other people swam in that pool. Rick stood, pulling his shorts up, sticking the Velcro in the front. Kate quickly covered herself up, conscious of the fact that they were outside, despite the six foot fences, the tall trees at the boundary, the sense of privacy; never knew who was looking. Rick reached out a hand for her. Kate stood herself, her legs threatening to give way.

Rick gave another light laugh. Damn it he was a smug bastard. "Are you ok?"

"Shut up," Kate grouched. Didn't stop him though. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight against his body and started moving her backwards, slow careful steps, out into the brilliant hot sun. They weren't heading inside, and Kate thought about protesting, because if he tossed her in the pool right now she wasn't going to be able to fight back. She hoped she'd have gained enough sense to start treading water; wasn't sure she had regained that much control of her body yet. Rick pushed her back to the blue and white striped changing room. "No," Kate started. No cold shower. That was just cruel. But oh! "It's warm!"

Rick smiled, moving her by the shoulders to stand directly under the spray; no double jets here. "Yep. It's solar heated. There's a couple of panels up on the roof to take the edge off the pool and a little one on top of the changing shed so there's warm water after being out in the surf."

Water trickled over Kate's forehead and into her eyes. She moved forward to readjust the angle, wiped the water from her face with a hand. "That's cool."

Rick grinned. "Yeah it is cool." He tugged the string at her neck and popped her bikini open. Kate's hand shot to her chest, keeping the material up, covering her. "Rick!" She shot him a glare. He laughed, gave a shrug and pushed into her, so her back was against the tap lightly (just one, which made her wonder how the temperature of the water was regulated), leaning down to place a quick kiss against her still swollen mouth. Rick brushed a hand over his head, flicking water, rubbing the chemicals from his hair, then down over his face to get the water out of his eyes. Kate watched him. Watched the way the muscles bunched in his shoulder, bicep, forearm. He kept going, trailing his hands over his chest, abdomen, around his back. He pulled the front of his shorts away from his pelvis, letting the water get in and Kate laughed. He gave her a grin, let them go; now they hung low. Kate stared until Rick pulled her forward into the stream of water, stepping back to give her room. He smoothed his hands along her shoulder, brushing her thick wet hair around to her other shoulder, out of the way, combing it back with his fingers, thorough. It was strangely intimate, not sexual, the way he traced over skin, pushing the sweat and chlorine away firmly. Kate gave a little shiver, her hand still at her chest to stay somewhat modest. She wondered how far he was going to take this; surely he couldn't be up for it again? So soon?

Rick placed both large hands on her shoulders, pushing with one, pulling with the other, turning her around. They dropped from her skin quickly. "Shit Kate," his voice was grieved.

"What?" Kate looked over her shoulder at him, surprised, on alert now, her heart rate climbing in relation; danger?

"Your back," Rick muttered. "You have a massive bruise on your back."

**3.2**

There wasn't a lot of chance of ignoring it after that. The joy fell from Rick's demeanour faster than a stone from a five story building (or a frozen sausage, as Lanie had once pointed out); they both knew what had caused the bruise: Maddox's gun. Rick muttered something about shampoo and stalked inside. "Rick!" Kate called after him, reaching for him and half turning back to turn the water off at the same time, only to remember her bikini and gave a frustrated sigh instead. Definitely had to talk. She turned the tap, her eye catching a bottle of shampoo and liquid soap on a little shelf to the right of the shower (so cool), then went inside herself. She stepped quickly over the hot paving stones to the cool shade of the veranda, then inside to the air conditioning, retying the string of her bikini around her neck as she went. Her skin prickled at the change in temperature and Kate wondered where he had gone. Upstairs to change or? She caught a flash of bright green from the kitchen.

He was staring out the window, leaning on the bench with his hands, his elbows locked, two mugs in front of him; his go to: make coffee. Kate watched him for a moment, lost in thought, wondering what was going through his mind, sensing if they didn't get through this somehow it would reflect on their entire relationship, that it wouldn't work; watershed moment? It felt like their time in the Hamptons was. If they could survive these days and come out stronger, their relationship would be fine. Probably stupid.

Kate stepped forward, shaking herself out of her reverie. "Rick."

He looked over his shoulder at her, eyes desolate. "Hey."

Kate smoothed a hand up his arm and he flinched away. "Your hands are freezing." He turned and grabbed them, burying them between his own; he wasn't much warmer.

"We should talk."

Rick sighed. "I was going to make coffee. But you need a warm shower."

Kate watched him for a moment. He was ducking, avoiding; should she push? Yes. Yes she should push, not just to get him to open up about Maddox, about what had happened, but because they had to learn to talk about the important things, not dance around the subjects and let the other wonder. Too much guessing and wondering. It had to change. "We need to talk."

"Uh oh," Rick tried. "That sounds like trouble."

Wow, who knew he was just as determined to avoid topics of conversation as much as she was? "I'm serious," Kate tried.

"Yeah I know," Rick sighed again. "Go have a shower, warm up. I'll make coffee."

Kate watched him just a split second longer, slight hesitation, then trust. They'd talk. So she went upstairs and had a warm shower, washing her hair, laughing a little at the irony of having a swim too cool down and then a hot shower immediately afterward to warm up again.

**3.2**

The coffee was milky, so it wasn't hot, and that was just how Kate wanted it at that moment. The hot shower was nice, but now she was too warm. Rick was sitting up on the bed when she emerged from the bathroom in one of his t-shirts and underwear, hair wrapped up in a red towel. He watched her as she knelt on the bed, but there wasn't abject staring; intense study but not shocked staring. He gestured to her coffee at the head of the bed and once she settled, cross legged in front of her pillow, knee against his thigh, she reached for it; the bruise at her spine ached now she had been reminded. Rick sipped his drink, looking out the windows. So did Kate, but she looked at him. The silence went on. Kate suppressed an inward groan. Ok fine, she'd go first.

"The first time," she started. "I was six months out of the academy."

"How'd you deal with it?"

Kate watched him for a moment while she gathered the right words for the answer. His eyes were encouraging, eager in that way where he was interested in the answer, but this time, she knew, it wasn't so he could put it in a book, so he could figure out her next layer, it was so he could gain a reference point, something to compare his own experience to. "I got drunk."

Rick laughed.

Kate gave him a rueful smile. "Not the best way to deal I can tell you. Makes all the images in your head swim." She paused. "I got drunk, the night after it happened. Royce had a 'gotta toughen up kid' kind of attitude." She met his eye again. "So I did. And after a while, I stopped seeing the guys face and I just got on with it."

Rick watched her steadily.

"But we already know I don't have the best coping mechanisms," Kate went on.

"You think talking is better?"

"I know talking is better."

"Right. Therapist. You think I should see a therapist?"

"If you think it would help."

"How will I know?"

"Well," Kate hedged. "You'll know if you don't feel ok about things," she gave a half shrug.

Rick gave her an endearing smile; he knew she was trying, pushing outside of her comfort zone, her fall-back status: silence. "Rick," she said seriously. "You'll know in your heart when you reach the point where you're not coping anymore. And you get help."

Rick nodded, gave her hand a squeeze. Kate squeezed back. "I think I closed my eyes. When I pulled the trigger. All of a sudden your head was there, right in front of where the gun was pointing and for a second I had this panic that I had shot you."

Kate reached over to his forearm, squeezing gently, remind him that no, she was still there, still alive. Their coffees were abandoned on the head board. Rick shifted his hand up to capture her fingers and held on. His eyes were distant as he spoke and it was like he was actually talking to the window, but he was talking, and Kate would take that. She wasn't exactly one for eye to eye heart to hearts either.

"Do you remember when you said to me it was different watching the lights go out?" He looked over at her.

Kate nodded.

"It's different in another way when you're the one who pulled the trigger."

"Yes."

Rick gave a little sigh, silent for a moment. "It helps talking to you about it." He looked over at her and she gave a soft smile, encouraging, but also grateful; that was good to hear. She wanted to be there for him, be enough. "I don't know anyone else who's been in this position; you get it."

"Well there _is_ Javi and Kev."

Rick smiled, genuinely entertained. "Well there is those two." He tugged on their hands, pulling Kate towards him. She lifted up on her knees, shifting a hand to his thigh to balance, meeting his lips easily because she knew that was what he wanted; that was what she wanted. Rick's other hand came up to slide against her head, his hand so large it felt like it was as big as the back of her skull. He kept her close when she tried to pull away. "Thank you for making me talk. You're a smart woman."

Kate gave a half smile. "Well I'm not going to deny that, but in this instance, Rick, I'm still trying to figure things out."

Rick gave a slight hum.

"I just don't want to screw it up."

Rick pulled back further, his eyes wider, more intense. "Oh me either."


	23. Chapter 23

**Day Three**

Kate woke to the sound of pattering. She figured the rain they were scheduled for was finally falling in the night but as she became more aware there was a different cadence to it, not steady, but with a rhythm of its own and the harder press of keys... Typing. Oh there was typing. In the room? Kate opened an eye. She was facing the wall. There was a light on and she turned over to confirm: yes Rick was sitting up in bed typing. She got all the way over to him, pressing her face into his shoulder before he stopped. "Oh," he murmured. "Did I wake you?"

"Yes."

"Sorry," he whispered. She felt his arm move. "I'll stop."

"No," Kate said but it sounded like a groan. Or a complaint. She was still half asleep. She pressed further against him. "What?"

"What am I writing?"

"Mh hm."

"A short story actually. Or something. I don't know; it wanted out."

"No Nikki?"

"Not Nikki."

"You're so cheating on her."

Rick gave a chuckle. "Let me get rid of the laptop. Then we can go back to sleep."

Kate turned her head, resting her cheek on to of his shoulder. He had turned the lamp away so the light shone on his side of the room so when she opened her eyes, even with the light muted like that, it cut into her retinas. She squinted at the screen, made out the white, the fuzzy black text. "No. It's ok. If you need to write you should write," she mumbled. She looked at the time, forcing her eyes to focus. Four thirty nine. Wow. Ok. She was ok with him writing in the dead of the night right? "Why are you writing?"

"I couldn't sleep," Rick murmured. He didn't move again to close the laptop, but he didn't continue typing either. Kate could make out words, but she wasn't sure she could make sense of them.

"Why?"

"Dunno," Rick tried to shrug, bobbing Kate's head.

"Hm ok," Kate sighed. "You write, I'll sleep."

"Ok," Rick agreed though he didn't seem sure.

"Then I'll wake you up in a couple of hours to have sex with me."

Rick chuckled, jostling Kate some more. "Ok, ok I'll put the light out."

"Only if you're finished."

"That's what she said."

Kate gave a hmph. "At least finish the sentence."

Rick looked to the screen. Oh yeah, he was in the middle of saying something. "I'll be quick."

"That's what he said."

Rick grinned to himself, brought his fingers back to the keyboard. He read the start of the sentence; what was he in the middle of saying? He picked up the thread again, kept going, deciding he would quickly finish the thought at least so it would be in a good stopping place for tomorrow, or whenever he picked it up again. After five minutes and another half page he forced himself to halt. Kate was heavy and warm against him and his eyes were actually starting to droop. Now would be a good time. He saved the document, minimised it to the tray and realised Kate had been quiet and still the entire time. She was probably asleep. He also really liked that she was there with him, supporting him writing, even it was nearly five in the morning, instead of telling him hurry up and put the light out. Maybe she had read a little? He would ask her tomorrow, see what she thought of it.

Rick hesitated. How was he going to move though? With her asleep. He couldn't put the laptop on the floor without waking her. D'oh. He went for it anyway, moving slowly, closing the lid of the computer, letting Kate slip away so he could lean over the edge of the bed. He felt her move away from him and settle. He put the lamp out, turned over again, a hand brushing against her lower back. She was curled up on her side, back to him, but her hand leaned back, found his arm, picked it up, encouraged weakly and gave up. Rick took the hint and moved closer, careful to keep his fingers away from her warm skin (because he just knew she would kill him if he put the chilly digits on her at this hour) and spooned up behind her tightly. Kate gave a content sigh. Rick placed a kiss against the curve of her shoulder, closed his eyes, breathed her in; his stomach tightened for a moment.

"S'good," her voice was muffled. Rick smiled to himself. He loved that she let him touch, hug, smother a little. "Read tomorrow?"

Oh the story? "Yes," he agreed, a little surprised. Yes if she wanted to read it he wasn't going to turn her down. Was never going to turn her away.

**3.3**

Kate was awake and studying Rick's face as he slept when his phone rang. She was even reaching out to trace a finger over the lines around his eyes (the ones that didn't disappear when his face was slack. She hadn't known that before now, the 'them' part. She liked that she knew that now, got to see that) when the _Imperial Theme_ from Star Wars started above their heads. She flinched a little, surprised, feeling a bit like she had been busted, but Rick gave a groan, turning his head suddenly to hide half his face in his pillow. The theme marched on. Kate reached up with a hand, feeling around for the device. Rick gave another throatier groan, aggravated complaint.

"Who is Iris?" Kate asked, studying the screen. There was even a picture of Darth Vader.

Rick's head came up, bleary blue eyes and confusion. Then: "Iris?" And he was suddenly sober, if not entirely alert. He brought a hand up for the phone, fumbled it against Kate's wrist, cleared his throat and answered politely. "What?" He started but was obviously cut off; Kate was pretty sure she heard the volume of the other woman's voice increase through the ether. He listened for a moment and then his eyes darted to Kate's, bewildered. "Uh I," he tried again. Then his mouth clamped shut, lips a thin line. Nope, no talking, it was listening time. Kate got the distinct impression that whoever Iris was, she was someone Rick actually had to answer to. Which was kind of amusing. Really amusing, actually. Who would he ever actually shut up and listen to?

That reminded her, she hadn't even seen her phone in a while. She turned and slipped out of bed, helping herself to a t-shirt before heading into the bathroom first. Once she was finished she picked up her discarded clothes from yesterday; really he was making her very lazy. She stooped to shove them into her bag, standing to pull on clean underwear, half-listening to the stuttered conversation from the bed, her ears drifting over key words that didn't send prickles of awareness through her, didn't alarm her, not needing her attention, and then stooped again to dig in her bag for her phone. She wasn't exactly sure where she had left it, almost an unheard of phenomenon normally. Her hand closed around plastic and she pulled it free. It was still on and she could see there were missed messages, voice and text. Two from Esposito, one from her Dad.

Her Dad was just texting to say hi; Kate smiled and text him to say 'hi' back. Esposito was warning her that the Captain was trying to get in touch with her, and the other said that there was big news, both messages from this morning. Oops, shit, and should she be worried? Kate looked over at Rick. He was trying to argue now. _No he didn't do it on purpose. No obviously he hadn't thought of that. No he wasn't in New York right now. _Kate's interest went from scrolling her contacts to her... boyfriend? Nah, that was weird, partner. Her partner. He seemed a little agitated. She went back to the bed, kneeling on the edge. He looked over at her. She raised an eyebrow, he gave her a hapless drift of his hand. Kate stood again, went for the door, her phone dialling. She sat on the stop step as the call connected and picked up. "Finally. You don't check your messages?"

"Hi Espo. I'm good. How are you?"

He gave a grunt, his trademark 'wha?' Yeah fair enough, they didn't tend to do touchy feely things like ask how the other person actually was. "I'm checking my messages now," Kate went on. "So tell me about this bug news."

"Huh?"

"Your text said 'there was bug news'," Kate went on as if she were reading his message now.

"Oh damn auto-correct," Javier groaned.

Kate laughed. "What's this big news?"

"So I take it you haven't been in touch with the outside world at all?"

Kate waited. Esposito kept her in suspense for longer than necessary. She could hear the noise of the bullpen in the background, chatter, phone calls, typing, doors, someone yelled. "No," Kate confirmed when it got ridiculously silent on the line.

"You might want to."

"Why, what's going on?" Kate asked warily.

"Shooting made the papers."

Kate actually had to take a second to think about what he was talking about. "Oh shit."

"No shit," Esposito echoed.

Kate heard Ryan asking after her in the background. Javier gave another grunt, this time of confirmation. Oh click, Iris, Rick's publicist. She'd be flipping out. "Uh ok and is that what Gates wants to talk to me about?"

"Nah that's about the shoot. You're cleared to come back to work."

"Ok," Kate breathed. Work. She wasn't ready for work.

"But you know it's been a little quiet around here," the other detective went on. "Seems like you wouldn't have to rush back."

"Oh yeah? Would only be under your feet right?"

"Right," Javier agreed. "Could maybe come in tomorrow afternoon, see how the land lies."

"Call me though if you get a body."

"Will do," and he hung up on her.

Kate smiled slightly. Her boys. They looked after her. When she got back to the bedroom, Rick was leaning over to her side of the bed, like he was preparing to get up. He looked... not good. Stunned and stricken and worried. His greeting was hollow. Kate knelt on to the bed, scooting close to him so he didn't have to reach; he didn't have to reach, she was right there.

"Iris is my publicist," he started.

"Yeah I know," Kate admitted. Because she had memorised (devoured) his fanclub website, including all those tiny details about management and publicity and even who at Black Pawn were contactable if... Rick was looking at her funny. She had just... Shown her hand a little. She gave a shrug, a smile, brushed it off; she wasn't ashamed.

"Did I tell you that?"

"No," she scoffed. He was going to rub it in?

"The shooting made the papers."

Kate noted the look in his eye, the slight waiver to his voice; he was still dealing, reality was still sinking in. She got closer, smoothed her hand around his ear, fingers into the hair at the back of his skull. "Yeah I know."

"What were you doing out there? Consulting your crystal ball?"

Eye roll. Kate sat back on her haunches. "Talking to Esposito."

"Oh."

"Are you in trouble with Iris?"

"Yes," Rick breathed. "She's mad."

"That you shot someone?" She said it gently, as if the words alone would plunge him right back there, put him over the edge.

Rick's face fell a little, enough for her to notice, to see that yes, he was still hurting about it. A good day yesterday and a talk didn't fix things; if they did, she would worry about him. "That I didn't give her a heads up so she didn't get blindsided by the media."

"Oh," Kate said slowly.

"Yeah," Rick gave a sigh.

Kate scooted in closer. "And so what's the plan of attack?"

"I have to get back to New York, get a statement pre..."

"Tomorrow."

"What?"

"Tomorrow right? When we get back to the city."

Rick looked hesitant.

"No Rick," Kate insisted pushing him back to the bed, her hands on his chest. "We're going back tomorrow. You can deal with it then. Right now, we need... 'us' time."

Rick looked up at her, blinking.

"We need time to... talk," Kate faltered.

"About?" Rick hedged.

"I don't know," Kate shrugged. "Things?"

His eyes glinted, amused. "What kind of things?"

"Just whatever."

Rick laughed. "You don't actually know do you?"

"No. But I'm trying here..."

"I know, I know," he brought a hand up to sooth, tucking hair behind her ear. "We can talk about things. I don't want to go back yet anyway. I'd rather be here with you," he smiled, his hand warm against her cheek. "I'll text Iris."

**3.3**

Kate sipped her coffee, waited for the pasta to cook, stared out the window, wondered if Rick was ok. He'd started to text Iris back and got a call from Gina. Which sounded about as irate as the first phone call and, not wanting to hear the other woman's angry tone through the phone, Kate got up and went downstairs to make breakfast. Or lunch, considering the time. She went back up to take Rick a cup of coffee, which he took gratefully, wordlessly, but as Kate headed out the door again he heard him say _'Paula what do you want me to do?' _and she realised he was fielding a whole bunch of irate calls.

Suck.

Kate heard a knock on the door and turned. Should she? She was in Rick's shirt and boxer shorts (she loved to wear his clothes. And he loved it too). But that wasn't a big deal; she'd answered the door pretty much like this on other occasions. Kate put her mug down and padded over the hardwood floor to the back door. She pulled it open without checking who was there, surprising herself with her lack of paranoia. A young man was standing on the other side, clipboard in hand, cap on his head, no uniform, but obviously on the job. "Hi," he smiled. "I have a delivery." His hand drifted to a brown paper wrapped package resting against the side of the house. He pushed the clipboard towards her, telling her to sign for it. Kate scrawled her signature lazily; if the guy was checking her out, she didn't want to notice.

He spun away pretty quickly after she gave the paperwork back and Kate reached for the... It was a picture frame, she could tell, once she had her fingers gripping the top to lift it. It wasn't heavy and she took it inside easily. Movement at the top of the stairs had her looking up. Rick was there watching her, still on the phone. He gave a slight wave, looking miserable. Kate realised she hadn't ever really thought about him being under work-related pressure. Or hating his job. They had almost always ever focused on hers. Huh.

Kate put the picture against the wall, curious, but resisting snooping because she had pasta on the stove. She strained it, dished it up, slathered it in sauce and carried both bowls in one hand (one tucked into her fingers, the other balanced partially on her wrist), her coffee in the other and headed back upstairs again. Rick was sitting on the edge of the bed this time, talking softly; Kate concentrated on putting their lunch down safely without painting the bed with it. Then she crawled over to him, pressed a kiss against the side of his neck, wrapped her arms around him, gave a little hum as his warmth blended with hers, the scent of him close and comforting. She felt him relax against her arms; his head came to rest against hers. She could hear the voice on the other end of the line, calmer this time; Kate assumed it was someone else now. Rick ended the call with a sigh.

"I made lunch."

"Smells amazing."

"No that's me."

Rick laughed and Kate pulled away to see his face; genuine amusement, but tampered down. "That was Alexis."

"How is she?"

"Good."

"She saw the papers?" Kate went on quickly, moving readily as Rick guided her to his lap. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, squishing her up against his chest; no complaint there.

"Yeah."

"Is she ok?"

"Yeah," Rick repeated but with a little more optimism. "Not the first time I've landed in the papers."

"Hm," Kate agreed.

"Ok let's eat cos I'm starving." He let her go, shifting back on the bed, while Kate fought to gain her balance and not end up on the carpet. When she was stable she snagged Rick's phone from the head of the bed where he had put it down, next to her bowl of pasta. She turned it off and put it back. He watched her, chewing, sucking in air because the food was hot.

"No more," Kate murmured, reaching for her own food.

**3.3**

When Kate woke again, it really _was_ raining. In fact, it was _really_ coming down, blurring out the windows, making the world grey and the bed warmer, her body sleepier; a tattoo on the roof. Rick had a heavy leg over hers and she was turned into him, almost under his body. She shifted back a little, trying to be careful, minimising movements, but his eyes opened anyway to regard her. Not sleepily either. "Hey," she greeted. "You're awake?"

"Yeah."

"Did you sleep?"

"Yeah."

"Hm," Kate hummed. Good. Because if she recalled correctly, he was up at 4am writing because he couldn't sleep. Rick gave a half smile, one of those slow delicious kinds; the kind that told her he was glad to know something about her, but she couldn't figure out what it was. She reached out to touch his cheek, smoothing her fingertips against the scruff he hadn't shaved off that day. Nor had he bothered to get up and get dressed; probably didn't matter when they kept stripping off even the underwear they bothered pulling on to make love.

Kate stretched, shifting, turning onto her back; Rick hovered in close, watching her. He pressed a kiss against her bare shoulder, making her smile. He was staring and she wanted to ask him if he wanted something, if there was something she could help him with... what she asked was if he was ok.

"Of course," he smiled again, completely disarming.

"What were you writing last night?"

The smile went nuclear.

Kate sat up and Rick reached for the laptop. When he turned back she had a shirt on and once he was settled against the head of the bed she leaned all over his arm, close, reading over his shoulder. He let her read at her pace, and she nudged him when she wanted him to scroll down the page. He didn't ask what she thought; she read with a poker face (well he couldn't really see her face but she was still, didn't say anything, just read). But once she was done (the story wasn't finished) she was all bright, excited smiles and kisses and he figured he had done a good job. Or at least a fair job; it still needed work.

"It's beautiful," Kate gushed, pushing away from him, turning; he could see down the front of her shirt (his shirt). Barely any buttons done up there. When he looked up she gave him a breathless eye roll and leaned in to kiss him again. So many kisses.

"You liked it then?"

"Yes!"  
"It's for you."

"It's for me?" She asked with a slight frown, sitting back on her haunches.

"Yeah. Well. You inspired it." Kate smirked. "But it's not for anyone else to read."

Kate's smirk went to a smile. "I love it then." Rick beamed, pleased, his chest filling up tightly with too much of his heart. "But hurry up and finish it," she added.

"Right now?"

"No, not right now," she moved forward again to kiss him.

"Hm Kate," Rick murmured against her mouth. Her hand trailed down his chest, slipping beneath the sheet at his waist; his stomach lurched. "You're gonna kill me."

She giggled.

**3.3**

Kate had a hand propping up her head and her eyes gazed out at the ocean. She kept lifting her chin, as if she couldn't quite see whatever it was that she wanted to see. Rick stared at her; he'd seen the ocean. And she was naked again. Was that a shiver? It looked like a shiver. Rick flicked back the sheet on his side and got up. He put the heat on, used the bathroom, and when he came back Kate was straining even further to see out, while also trying to relax against the bed. Rick gave the bed a nudge, then a harder push and it moved. Kate turned to him startled, slight alarm in his eyes. He bent over, a hand on the mattress, the other against the headboard and pushed again. The bed rolled easily across the room. He nudged it right up against the glass, then slid back into bed behind Kate, pulling her back against his chest. "You can see now?"

"Yes."

**3.3**

Kate traced a circle around and around on Rick's skin until it got to the point where it felt like Chinese water torture, then she smoothed her hand against him, traced his collarbone with her index finger, went back to circles, an endless engraving; marking him as hers with invisible ink. He was already hers. "Tell me about this place," she spoke softly, breaking the sound of rain on the roof. Rick imagined he could hear the rain against the sea too.

"Uh," Rick started, confused, did she mean his chest?

"The house. You remodelled right?"

"Yes," he affirmed, not surprised she had guessed. She was a detective after all.

"Who were you trying to erase?" Her hazel eyes came up to meet his, careful, unassuming, inviting him to explain, to talk, but giving him a way out if he didn't want to. Somehow it seemed if he didn't answer, it wouldn't be right. She had turned his phone off. She had insisted they don't go back to the city yet. She wanted this here and now. And he was so down with that.

"Gina," he admitted.

"You bought this place together?"

"No it's mine, always been mine."

Kate gave a slight nod, her hand shifting down his sternum to his belly, making him squirm. She quirked her lips but didn't tease further, just waited for him to go on.

"Well not always been mine," Rick corrected, focusing again on the story and not the gorgeous woman in bed with him. "Mother used to bring me out here when I was a boy. If she wasn't busy with a play or some other project and I wasn't in school. We'd be here every few years and we always came here, to this house. Rented it." Kate looked up at him, nodded, went back to studying his skin. Rick suppressed another quiver. "We came out here less as I was older. But I brought Alexis back when I could." Kate gave him a smile, probably mirroring his.

"Not to this place. We had another property, Meredith and I. But after the divorce it was sold," he gave her a knowing expression. A 'what can you do?' quirk of his eyebrow. "I heard this place was for sale, the old owner had died. So I bought it. And I loved it. It was tiny, with all this character, but run down. Needed work. Gina _hated_ it. Used to complain it was cold in winter and too hot in summer, too cramped, but it felt homey to me."

Kate gave him a soft smile, still listening.

"One thing led to another, we got divorced, this place was practically falling apart. I had the place remodelled, kept the original features but had everything else was redone."

"And erased her completely."

Rick stared.

"Everything's white, neutral, no personality here Rick."

Rick continued to stare at her. And she gazed back unnervingly, just watching. "Is that not right?" She asked lightly.

Rick opened his mouth to argue 'no' of course it wasn't like that... It was totally like that. But unintentional. "I didn't really realise until after."

"Uh huh."

"Ok so I wanted her gone from here, she was ruining my memories of this place," Rick confessed with a pout. And he had been a little bitter. Just a little. "But," he looked around. He liked this room. Smallish but the view was killer and the bed comfy; what more did he need? "It's not that bad is it?"

Kate gave a cursory glance. "It's just white," she said nonchalantly. No judgement, all observation. She had probably figured it all out before he even told her. Did she know how much it had hurt having his second marriage fall apart? Because that made him a failure? And how it scared him to think about Kate, about what if he couldn't make it work this time either?

"Well maybe it's time to put a little colour back in it."

Kate laughed and shoved at his shoulder. "That is such a line." She pushed up to climb over him.

Rick grabbed her and she squealed (squealed!) and tried to fight him off. "It was meant to be a line."

"That is so epically lame! Call yourself a writer."

Rick pulled her to the bed next to him, shifting his weight to pin her, both of them fighting for dominance. Rick gave a grunt, trying to grab her wrist, while placing a knee at her hip, trying to get over her. He failed. Kate hooked a leg around his, pushed up with her elbows and had him pinned flat, skull pressing painfully into the headboard in what seemed like an effortless move. She straddled over his stomach and pushed his wrists into the bed on either side of his face, panting, eyes slightly wide. Rick tested her grip so she pushed down harder, almost painfully. "I'd take this more seriously if you weren't totally naked," Rick looked up at her. Her eyes were also dark. "That turned you on a little didn't it?"

"Yeah," Kate breathed as if she were surprised to discover.

"Me too," Rick admitted.

Kate crashed her mouth into his.

**3.3**

Kate trailed a hand lazily over Rick's fingers. Such good fingers. The bringer of words and other incredible talents. "What are we doing Rick?"

"Uh. Recovering?" But he knew what she was really asking and he was surprised. Kate Beckett, who never talked about personal things, who kept her feelings to herself, who had such a strongly built wall (previously had a strongly built wall), was bringing up questions about feelings and futures.

"Can we talk about you and me?"

"Yes." Rick whispered. He had a sudden flood of doubt. What if they wanted different things? He had completely ignored that aspect. What if he was too caught up on the romantic notion that they were in love and that everything would work out? Because relationships fell apart; he knew that better than most. The last few days had been great; the last month was really good. But... But what if he had missed something? Kate was not an easy read; part of what he loved about her. The challenge. The mystery. But... what if he'd got it wrong? Kate was changing, they were changing; what if they were changing in different directions?

"Will you marry me?"

Rick just about choked.

Kate shifted rapidly, sitting, holding the sheet up against her chest; in the dying sunlight she looked magnificently dark and mystifying but oh... oh... really? "That came out wrong," she back tracked quickly.

Rick wasn't sure he was breathing. He moved to sit up a little. Get his lungs working.

"I don't mean, right now."

"Did you just propose?" Rick asked incredulously.

"Sort of?" Kate's voice was small. "No," she said in a more confident tone. "No I'm not asking. I'm just asking if... you would want to, I mean is that something that you would want, one day?"

"Uh."

"You've already been married."

"A couple of times."

"But is that something you would do again? Are we? Is that where we're headed?"

"Are we having _'the talk'_?"

"I guess," her voice was soft in the rapidly encroaching darkness. Rick could feel his heart pounding. "I just feel like it's something we should talk about? Do you think?"

Rick suddenly got it. She was trying. In her way, she was trying to be more, to push for the things she thought could be important; she was trying. "Ok."

"No, it's ok," her voice was practically a whisper. A nervous whisper. "We don't have to talk about it now. Sleep on it."

"There is no way I'm going to sleep after that," Rick countered, reaching out suddenly for her hand and squeezing her fingers.

Kate gave a soft laugh. "Ok, fair enough. I didn't exactly... do that very well." She gave a sigh.

"Yes, Kate, if you wanted to," Rick answered.

She stared at him; that confused furrow between her eyebrows. "Talk about it?"

"Get married."

She stared at him. "Really?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

"Yes," Rick repeated firmly. "I want forever with _you_. No one else. If you asked me if I'd marry say..." He shrugged, "Someone else then, no. But you. Yes Kate, I want to marry you."

"I want that too," Kate's voice was strained. "I want to be with you. I'm so sure of it..." She hooked an arm around his shoulder, embracing him.

Rick wondered if she was trying to convince herself out loud again. But still, it made him smile, because it was God damn amazing to hear that coming out of her mouth. She was usually not one for sharing, so if she was going to open up, then he was totally going to take that for what it was worth.

"It feels right, you know?"

"Yeah," Rick breathed. His chest was threatening to explode in a big mess of love hearts and confetti. So ridiculously ecstatic. He needed this. He really needed it. To know she was in. Did she know that? Is that why she was bringing it up? "But not yet right?"

Kate pulled back to look at him again. "No way," she shook her head. "I'm really not ready for that."

"Good," Rick let out the breath thudding in his chest. "Neither am I. Not that I don't think we're good, that things are good."

Kate gave him a shaky smile. "Yeah things are good." She paused, dark eyes watching him. When she spoke again her voice was hesitant, "It's not too early to talk about these things?"

"No," Rick sat up a little further. "I mean it's good. To know if we're on the same page right?"

Kate nodded slowly.

"Cos I seriously don't want to mess this up."

"I seriously don't want to hurt you."

They were silent for a moment.

"Good talk then," Rick tried.

Kate dipped her chin to half hide a smile. "Yeah good talk," she met his eyes again, tender and warm. Rick felt his chest flutter again.


	24. Chapter 24

**Epilogue**

Rick pressed his lips against Kate's jaw. Her fingers slid into his hair with a little sigh; her left hand smoothed around his waist, an index finger tracing the small of his back. She was just so damn sensual, so unafraid, so sexy. He couldn't get enough of her and he was utterly delighted that she didn't tell him 'no'. She didn't send him away. Kate had changed. She let him know her; like she was unafraid of what he might see. He had always seen her but now he saw her in different ways; so many layers to the Beckett onion, he wasn't even sure how to describe how it had changed. (She made words jumble up in his head so he wasn't even sure he was making sense anymore. Writing the story helped; it was a love letter. More than Nikki Heat was. So much more.)

If he hadn't had her here (or even just in his life) these last few days, he wasn't sure how he would have coped with killing someone. She made him feel glad to be alive, and not guilty with it. She made him feel incredibly glad _she_ was alive. And that they were together. His actions felt totally justified. And that helped a lot. There was a future he could see, and there were people alive who might not have been if Maddox had somehow dodged that bullet (and he wasn't just talking about Kate or himself).

Rick brushed his lips lovingly down her throat, soaking up the warmth of her skin, her body, the way she half whispered little moans. Unique sounds he didn't know how to define, but that sent thrills through him; made him want to do everything he could to elicit more. More, more, more; he wanted it all. Everything she would give him, he'd take it. The house, the car, marriage, babies, whatever. He was so ridiculously in love with her.

It hurt.

Rick pressed kisses against her skin, soft and warm; she smelt so good. Rick rested there, his nose pressed against her, feeling the delicate jump of her pulse beneath her flesh, the velvety touch of the pads of her fingers against his back. Her nails scratched lightly at his skull and he was hyper aware of all the other points they touched, hip against stomach, even through the bed sheet. Shit, this woman...

He had never loved like this before.

It was Kate. Kate, Kate, Kate. She did this to him. Made him re-write all the rules. Made him _want_ to re-write all the rules. She didn't demand but he would do it anyway. Give her anything. Give her it all.

"You know," he started, moving again, down to her shoulder, pressing a kiss, feeling that slight quiver of her body reacting to him (she picked him!). "There is one other thing we should talk about?"

"Hmm?" Kate hummed, the hand at his back moving to his bicep to squeeze as he dabbed his tongue against her skin.

"Babies. Do you want to have babies Kate?"

He felt the exact moment his words sunk in because she literally froze solid against him, suddenly hard and unyielding. Then he felt the desperate grip of her fingers against his arm, fingers gripping his hair, and pushing him back, away from her. Rick gave a grunt as he pulled back. Her face was aghast. He hadn't quite expected that reaction. But then again, what would he know? They had never even skirted around this one. Not even thinly veiled 'third time's the charm'.

"It's a logical question," Rick told her softly, feeling... hurt or affronted, despite himself, despite trying to be cool. "Considering you asked me to marry you." He watched her throat work as she tried to swallow.

"That's," Kate started.

Rick almost heard her add the 'completely different' part as well, but she didn't. He studied something like real fear in her eyes. He had an irrational flare that this was a deal breaker and panic skittered on the edge his peripheral vision. Ok so she didn't want to have kids. Ok. That wasn't a big deal. He had a daughter; he didn't _need_ to have another. But... he... wanted to. He _wanted_ to. With her.

"Do you?" Kate said instead.

Rick gave a half shrug. Play it down. Backpedal. Don't let her see. Don't let her run. "Didn't really plan on having Alexis. At least when we did," he mused. "Wait," he chuckled (desperate attempt to lighten the mood). "I asked you first." She had almost distracted him, tricked him into answering.

"I'm so glad you can laugh about this," Kate huffed, shoving him harder so he faltered, falling onto his side next to her on the mattress. She escaped the bed, taking the sheet with her, hugging it against her body. Rick caught something like concern on her face before she turned away. He reached for the cover, which was kicked up against the glass, and pulled it up to his waist; this didn't feel like a conversation (he hoped they were going to have a conversation) he should have naked.

She was taking this really seriously.

He had obviously pushed a button.

And he was half sorry that he had pushed too hard, while at the same time hoping, hoping, that she would turn and talk to him. Not run. Not push him out. They had been making progress. Surely after the last few days nothing else would be too hard? Rick waited on her. She had ambushed him with a few things this weekend, and he had made the effort to talk it out with her. "I didn't mean to blindside you," Rick started anyway, hating the silence.

Kate turned to him. "Yeah," she agreed, the vein in her forehead prominent while she thought, hovering by the bathroom door (at least she hadn't run for the stairs). "I just..." She let her eyes meet his and Rick could see the fear was gone but it was replaced with something else. Hurt. Sorrow. Confusion?

Rick moved from the bed, ditching the blanket. His pace wasn't lightening, so she had plenty of warning, but even as he closed in, she didn't flinch or move away. He hugged her tightly and she let him, and god that made him feel so relieved. He had totally underestimated whatever this was. What if she couldn't have kids? He had just assumed... It had never come up... Why would it have come up? "What is it Kate?"

He felt her take a deep breath, preparing herself. "I think about having kids and then I think about my Mom and I just... I don't want to do that to my kids."

Oh.

He wasn't sure what to say to that.

"But god when I'm with you," Kate murmured, pushing her face in close against his neck, melting in against him. "I want to. I really want to. All of that doesn't feel like it should matter."

Rick felt a sharp flare of heat in his guts; an entirely different feeling of want and being wanted. His throat went dry and words escaped him for a second, blinded by that desperate emotional edge to her voice. _I want to. I really want to._

"But it's over," he tried, a whisper.

"Yeah _that's_ over but... I'm a cop."

The heat was doused by a heavy stone of dread.

"It's always a possibility. It's happened before."

Rick imagined he could feel her heart beat pulsing the scar that was pressed against his bare chest. Poetic but not real. He was too afraid to even touch it. When they were together he avoided it. It was there between them. He squeezed her tighter. He wanted to say something stupid like _'quit your job Kate. That will keep you safe'_ but he knew better; they had already gone over that. So he said the second best thing that came to mind: "You'd have to make sure you were careful."

He felt her soften against him and he dared to hope a little (he had said the right thing?). When she spoke, her voice was small, maybe a little unsure, but he heard the glimmer there too. "You really would have more kids?"

"Yes. With you, yes. Yes," Rick murmured.

Kate went silent again. Rick thought about making her look him in the eye; or was it that he wanted to see what she was thinking? But he resisted. He didn't have to push when she opened up anyway.

"I think..." Kate started. She pulled away herself, looked up at him, her hair a deep golden but her eyes dark in the dim light. It was after midnight and later that day they would go home. "I think I want to have kids with you."

Rick broke into a smile, wide and delighted and he didn't even care that he was showing too much. Kate smiled back, tentative at first, then more sure, and so, so beautiful. Then a frown. "But not right now right?"

"No way," Rick agreed easily. "I just wanted to know we wanted the same thing."

"Because we have to work things out. Have time," Kate pressed. Rick nodded vigorously; he understood. Kate gave a smile, a little more sultry; calculating. She traced a finger against his collarbone, making his skin shiver involuntarily. "I want you. Does that count?"

Rick gave her a salacious grin and she looked up at him from beneath her lashes, all sex all of a sudden and he felt a tug in his stomach. "I had a vasectomy," he blurted.

Kate pulled back a little further, looking up at him, concern and surprise on her face. "What?"

"Uh," Rick closed his mouth. "I'm not sure why I said that."

Kate raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "You, had the snip?" Her eyes flicked down.

Rick felt a tingle. "Gina didn't want to have kids..."

"So you got the snip?" Kate repeated, that hard edge to her tone, like she didn't believe him.

"Uh yes?" Rick tried. The words didn't come out jumbled did they? She just tangled him up in side right?

"Then why the hell are we using condoms?" Her face went fierce (his favourite). She pushed up against him, planting her mouth on his, hard. Heat flooded through Rick's face where they touched and his hands automatically gripped at her hips, pulling at the sheet to make her move in against him, anchoring himself. Never ceased to surprise him. Never. She nipped along his jaw, down his throat.

'_Um_,' Rick groaned. Why? Because... "Kate god. We have to..."

"Have to what?" She asked breathlessly.

"Uh." Something. They had to something. "Sleep." Hadn't they just agreed to do that? Twenty minutes ago. Because tomorrow... there was... something... work.

"Later," Kate huffed.

"Kate," Rick tried again. "What about?"

"I trust you. Do you trust me?" she responded quickly, moving to his ear, tongue already deadly. Rick gasped _yes_. He could feel his limbs turning liquid.

"I want to _feel_ you."

His knees went weak. Shit.

**3.4**

Four days and Kate was out of clean clothes (not that she had actually worn much in the way of actual clothes yesterday). Which meant that even though there was no rush to get back to the precinct because Esposito and Ryan were covering for her, Kate still had to get back to the city so she could go to her apartment and change into something decent; work attire. They got up. They had breakfast. They packed. Kate stripped the bed. Rick told her Rachel would take care of that. She gave him a look. Rick pried the bed sheets from her hands and left them in a pile on the mattress. "Seriously," he told her. "Let her do it."

"I don't feel right," Kate folded her arms over her torso. "Just leaving it."

"Well," Rick shrugged. "I pay her to clean up."

Kate's lips went to a thin line. "How do you know her anyway?" She was aware she sounded accusing. She was glad Rick didn't call her on it.

"Old family friend."

Ok so she wasn't expecting that.

"Her mother and my mother met at the beach one day, you know, before the Hamptons got really trendy, got to talking, stayed in touch over the years. Rachel's husband did the renovations on this place. And when he died suddenly, I gave her a little work for cash to help her with her kid."

Really wasn't expecting that.

Rick pressed his palms against her elbows. "Ok?"

"Yeah sure," Kate agreed sharply, maybe a little ashamed that she'd asked, that she'd assumed something else, that he was totally placating her anyway. She saw the slight narrow of Rick's mouth; he wasn't sure what he'd done, but he knew she was... giving him a vibe. She sighed, moved her arms, took his hands, cupped her palms against his. "It's just. I'm not used to just paying someone to do something for me."

"I know. But you get used to it pretty quickly."

Kate narrowed her eyes a little. It was Rick's turn to give that little sigh, squeeze her hands and explain. "Normally, I'd strip the bed and leave the place tidy and take any leftover food to her house. Check in, say hello, say _thank you_." He gave her a pointed expression, shook her hands to nudge her towards his way of thinking. "But we don't have time today, so I'll text her; she'll be fine. We gotta go right? You don't want to be late for work?"

Yeah ok so maybe that didn't sound soooo bad.

"So we should go," Rick tried.

"Ok," Kate agreed.

**3.4**

"Ow son of a bitch!" Rick cursed hopping on his right foot, bending over to rub his left toe.

Kate had reached the entrance way, but turned back to him with a half laugh. "What?"

"Stupid-head bastard," Rick went on in a grumble, glaring at the edge of a side table at the bottom of the stairs; accusing.

Kate laughed again as she dropped her bag on the floor. "I don't think I've heard you curse so much, or ever." She micro-paused, gave him a dirty smirk. "Not counting last night."

Rick quirked an eyebrow at her and lowered his tone, "You have no idea. That was completely tame. I'm a writer remember."

Kate gave him a smirk, came forward to slide her hands around his waist, pressing up close against him. She felt the way his breath caught, the way heat flooded through his shirt. "I can only imagine."

"Maybe one day I'll show you," Rick wiggled an eyebrow, ditching his foot to put his arms around her back.

"I dunno," Kate teased. "You forget I work with cops."

Rick quirked an eyebrow again. "I shall stun you with my filthy mouth."

Kate's lips twitched into a smile. "Filthy," she breathed.

Rick groaned, closed his eyes, pushed his hips in against hers. "You can't say... Kate. I can't..." When he opened his eyes again they were a dark blue.

Kate gave him a smirk, pressed a kiss against his open mouth. "Let's go Big Rick." She moved away from him, nudging his shoes towards him to hurry him up. She heard him huff as she turned for the door, spying the photo still resting up against the wall, forgotten. "Don't forget your photo."

"How'd you?"

"You forget, I'm a detective," Kate smirked again.

"Open it," Rick offered, pulling socks on.

Kate figured she may as well while she waited; she liked having her assumptions confirmed. She ripped the brown paper away easily, then picked apart the tape on the bubble wrap. Rick finished with his shoes and stood by as she revealed the image of the storm out over the ocean. She looked up at him, surprised. "You bought this?"

"Yeah," he smiled, pleased with himself.

Kate stood. "This is... You..." She stopped. "You can't just buy this."

"Why not?" Rick asked indignantly.

"It's too expensive!"  
"Uh, you do know I'm loaded right?" He gave her his pointed expression, his 'it's obvious' eyes.

"Rick, that's not the point. I can't just accept this."

"Whoa, wait," Rick held up a hand to stop her. He chuckled. "You think it's for you?"

Kate glared at him, using it to hide her embarrassment. "It's not?"

"No," Rick scoffed, stooping down to pick it up, to hide. He had intended it to be for her, but if she reacted like that, then no. He had got it wrong. He'd thought she'd like it. He took the photo to the table he had just stubbed his toe on.

Kate followed him around the corner. "Sorry. I just assumed, wrongly, because I had been looking at it in the... Of course you might like it," she gestured. "I didn't think."

Rick set the photo to lean against the wall, making sure it didn't fall and turned to her. She looked worried. "No. Honestly? I got it for you. But it's ok if you don't want it."

Kate's eyes went a little wide, realisation. "It's not that I don't want it," she started, reaching a hand out to him. He took it, tried to settle his heart; he really shouldn't be so hurt over this. It was just a photograph. She shook her head a little. "No, it is that, Rick. I'm sorry. I just don't feel comfortable with you just buying me something that expensive."

"Money's not an issue," Rick tried again.

"Don't interrupt," Kate huffed.

"Sorry," he murmured.

"I don't know how to explain so let me just... think for a second."

Rick went silent and he waited. She looked at him for a while, then away, around the room. She kept a hold of his hand and they stood there in silence for a moment. Rick might have laughed (slightly awkward) if he didn't also recognise that she was trying really hard to make an effort. The money thing bothered her, he got that, but he didn't get why, and she was maybe going to tell him? That would be helpful. Then he would know how far he could push that line and when she would let him get away with it.

"Ok so. You have a lot of money," Kate started, looking up at him. "And I have not as much." She paused slightly, so Rick nodded that he was following. "So you can buy me things like thousand dollar photographs, but I can't do that for you."

"So then it's not equal."

"Yes that," Kate agreed, her eyes flaring, a spark of agreement.

"I don't need you to buy me things Kate."

"It's not about _buying_ things."

"It's something that I can do for you that you can't do for yourself. It's probably the _only_ thing I can do for you. You're so damn independent," he went on anyway, then stopped, surprised by himself. He didn't know that was in him.

Kate obviously didn't either. She blinked up at him. "Ok." She paused. "But. Ok," she sighed. "I see what you're saying. I get that. But really, this is just too much. It's... there has to be a... a..." She bit her bottom lip, drawing it between her teeth. Rick wanted to do the same. Take her lip between his teeth. "Have to draw the line somewhere ok?"

"Yeah ok sure," Rick agreed quickly.

Kate stepped closer, brought her free hand up to his cheek. "Do you understand where I'm coming from?"

Rick sighed. But yes he did. He nodded. He was overwhelming her. "How about we just leave it here and you can see it every second weekend and at the holidays?"

Kate quirked a smile. "Yeah ok. That's ok. You need something on the walls here."

Rick gave a small smile. He did really. It was time to move on from that almost bitter white-washing of Gina. They had reconciled a few years ago, actually managed to get back to the point of being friends. Sort of friends. Wait if he put Kate's photo on the wall here, did that mean he was... letting her into his Hamptons sanctuary?

Rick gave Kate a quick kiss and an easy smile. "Want to drive?"

"The Ferrari?" Kate asked, eyebrows raised. So she liked to play with his toys, but she didn't want them for herself. He might be able to follow that. For now. "Really?"

"Kinda hot when you drive it."

Kate smirked, "Mm you know I can handle a stick." Rick swallowed hard. Kate stepped back and turned for the door, tugging him along behind her. She got to the door and turned, pulling him into her, back pressed against the wood. "Oh by the way, that's not the _only_ thing you can do for me that I can't."

Rick gave a growl and quickly stepped in close, nudging her body with his. Kate's arms went up around his neck, drawing him down into a hot, wet kiss. Rick growled again, feeling Kate flinch against him, pushing back. He wasn't sure they were even going to make it back to New York at this rate. He steadied her hips with his hands, drawing away slowly, breathlessly. "Have to leave."

"Yeah," Kate agreed on a whisper. "You're going to behave today? When we get back?"

"Total self control," Rick promised.

Kate pulled back her head to look up at him. "If you don't, I'll kick you out myself," she told him, her tone and eyes hard.

Rick grumbled. "So long as you don't tease too much."

"I'll try."

Rick gave a little huff. "Any more?"

"More what?"

"Rules," he grouched. Then he quickly softened his face and tone, caressed a hand lovingly against her waist. He slipped the key for the Ferrari into her hand. Kate tangled their fingers, teased her tongue along his lips, making him groan. So unfair. She got to tease and walk away. He had a hard time walking away, pun intended. But the wait? Oh so worth it. She was worth all of it. Rick broke from her mouth to press a kiss against her jaw, then lower at her neck, nuzzling with his nose; mm she smelt good. He heard her pant in his ear, felt the gentle pressure of her hips pushing against his. "Is there anything else we should talk about?" He gave her an endearing smile, because really, he loved that they had talked, opened up, shared.

"No," Kate answered directly. "This is the last of it."


End file.
